Dislike As Many As I Like

| Southampton, UK | Right | March 12, 2011

(We have free demo discs on the counter. We’re trying to get rid of them.)

Customer: “Are these to buy?”

Me: “No, they’re totally free. Take as many as you like!”

Customer: “I don’t think I’d like to take as many as I’d like. I’ll have two.”

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Has Faith But Lost All Pope

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Right | March 11, 2011

Customer: “I’m looking for the Holy Bible.”

Me: “Any particular denomination you’re looking for?”

Customer: “The one written by Jesus.”

Me: “Technically, the bible wasn’t written by Jesus.”

Customer: “No, he wrote one. Everybody knows that.”

(I decide not to argue and take her to see our bibles. She comes back down later, looking upset.)

Customer: “None of those say they were written by Jesus. Where are the ones written by Jesus?”

(I answer in the only way I can think of as helpful.)

Me: “Maybe you should ask the Vatican City?”

Customer: “Is that far?”

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Hannibal On Line Two

, | Falls Church, VA, USA | Right | March 11, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of dealership].”

Caller: “Can I speak to the body parts department?”

Me: “Do you mean the body shop?”

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Would Like To Explain, But They Haven’t Got Time

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Right | March 11, 2011

(A couple are talking in the TV section.)

Wife: “Honey, come look at this 3D TV! The picture is amazing. Maybe we should think about getting one of these.”

Husband: “No. We should wait until next year, when they come out with the 4D TVs.”

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Some Allergies Can Be Swept Under The Table

, | Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA, USA | Right | March 11, 2011

(At closing time I mop the back lobby, the area farthest from the door and counter. This is so we don’t have to do it after we close and can leave faster. There are two customers, a mother and her teenage son, in the back lobby.)

Me: “Just to let you know, after I finish wiping all the unoccupied tables I’ll be sweeping and mopping the floor. If you’re still here by then, the floor will be a little slippery when you stand up. I just wanted to let you know to be careful.”

Customer: “I have asthma, and a lot of allergies. If you sweep back here while I’m here, I’ll have an asthma attack. Can’t you do it after you close?”

Me: *smiling* “I have to clean the area now, but I’ll start on the other side of the back lobby.”

(I finish sweeping the other section of the back lobby. I avoid the corner in which she and her son are sitting.)

Customer, to her son: “She didn’t even listen to me! I’m going outside!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you going to be all right? There’s a hospital right across the street. I’m sure they’d be able to help you if you’re having an asthma attack.”

Customer: “No! I’m going outside to smoke!”

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