No Sting In This Tale

| Silver Spring, MD, USA | Right | September 14, 2010

(Note: we sell fake jelly fish as tank decorations.)

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “I want some jelly fish, but I need you to answer some questions first.”

Me: “Of course. Go for it.”

Customer: “How do I keep them alive in this plastic packaging?”

Me: “They aren’t alive.”

Customer: “So why are you trying to sell them?!”

Me: “They’re decorations. They’re made of plastic.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know this?”

Me: “They are plastic, have a string attached to them, have a sign that says ‘plastic jelly fish’, and they say ‘made in china’ on them.”

Customer: *pause* “I’ll just take one of those castle decorations…”

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It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | September 14, 2010

(I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make an 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backwards.”

Me: “Backwards? Did she write 61×02?”

Customer: “No. Were it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

Me: “Did she write 16 as the height ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”

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Flipping Through The Atlas

| San Jose, CA, USA | Right | September 14, 2010

(I am Filipino, but people often mistake me for Chinese due to my pale skin. Another Filipino co-worker comes in while I am working with a customer. We exchange greetings in Tagalog, a Filipino language with some Spanish influences.)

Customer: “Say that again. That thing you said to that other guy.”

Me: “Kumusta?”

Customer: “‘Cómo está’. That’s Spanish! What does a Chinese dude need to know Spanish for?”

Me: “Actually, I–”

Customer: “Say something else in Spanish!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t speak Spanish very well.”

Customer: “Come on! Say something!”

Me: “Vamanos?”

Customer: “Wow! Hey, do you speak Chinese?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Come on now! You must know some Chinese!”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know… ‘Ni hao’?”

Customer: “Now say something in Japanese!”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Japanese!”

Me: “Arigato?”

Customer: “Now do Russian!”

Me: “Vodka?”

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(Not One Of) History’s Mysteries

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | September 14, 2010

(I am helping a little boy find a children’s book on Native American history for a book report.)

Me: “I think this one will come in handy. It’s all about the different Native American tribes and traditions. It even includes a large map showing where the Native American tribes lived.”

Little Boy: “Thank you!”

(He walks away with his book and an adult customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you do that?”

Me: “Do what?”

Customer: “Tell him those are real.”

Me: “Native Americans?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Because they are real.”

Customer: “No! They only exist in movies with cowboys!”

Me: “I can assure you that Native Americans exist.”

Customer: *mocking* “I suppose you believe cowboys really existed, too?”

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Drive Hoo

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | September 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(The customer drives to the window.)

Me: “That’s $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

*pause*

Me: “$12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “Woo!”

Me: “09.”

Customer: “Hoo!”

Me: “12.09”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “…09.12”

Customer: “Hoowoo!”

Me: “90.21”

Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

Me: “Well played, sir.”

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