Second Thoughts About Second Sight

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Right | November 5, 2010

Customer: “My garbage disposal is clogged up.”

Me: “What is stuck in your garbage disposal?”

Customer: “A crystal ball.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “My crystal ball rolled off the counter and fell in my garbage disposal.”

Me: “You didn’t see that coming?”

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Pilgrim’s Pilgrims

Texas, USA | Right | November 5, 2010

Customer: *walks up and takes a deep breath* “WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE’RE HERE TO MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND BE SAD AND STUFF!”

Me: “So, one for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World?”

Customer: “That sounds lovely.”

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A Golden Snitch Short Of A Quidditch Match

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Right | November 5, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “This a bookstore?”

Me: “Yes, this is a bookstore.”

Caller: “Oh. I need the 8th Harry Potter book.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there are only 7 Harry Potter books.”

Caller: “But I need the 8th one.”

Me: “There are only 7 books, sir.”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Because there are only 7 years at Hogwarts.”

Caller: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Sir, have you read the Harry Potter books?”

Caller: “No, my son reads them and he finished the 7th one and asked me to get the 8th one.”

Me: “Sir, if he read the 7th one, he would know that that was the final book in the series.”

Caller: “But he wants to read it. What can I do?”

Me: “Contact the author?”

Caller: “Do you have his number?”

Me: “Do I have J.K. Rowling’s number?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “No. I… uh… don’t happen to have that on me.”

Caller: “Oh. Can you tell my son that there are only 7?”

Me: “No, I’m sure you’re quite capable of doing that all on your own.”

Caller: “He will be very upset!” *hangs up*

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Taxing Faxing, Part 6

| Lakewood, CO, USA | Right | November 5, 2010

(We require full coverage insurance on vehicles we sell that we are financing in-house. I call the customer to tell her she needs to provide us with proof of insurance.)

Me: “We need you to fax us your current proof of insurance ma’am. You can have your insurance agent fax it over.”

Caller: “I’ll just use the fax at my work. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

(She calls back in an hour.)

Caller: “Okay, they said I could use the fax. How do I send it to you?”

Me: “Maybe you could ask someone there to help you?”

Caller: *yelling* “Bob! I need to fax this to the car place!”

Bob: *in background* “What’s the fax number?”

(I tell the customer the fax number.)

Customer: “Okay, it’s working.”

(My fax machine rings, and her insurance starts printing.)

Customer: “Now make sure you send that back to me, it’s my original and I have to keep it in my car!”

Me: “Um…it should be sitting on your fax machine.”

Customer: “Wow, these fax things are fast!”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

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Customers To Keep You On Your Toes

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | November 4, 2010

(My husband and I inherited a dance studio from his mother and we’re both full-time teachers there. Naturally, our five-year-old spends a lot of time with us at the studio. Her father and I were playing "Swan Lake" with her one day in one of the dance studios after all the classes were over when a mother and her daughter came in.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Can I help you? Classes are over for the day.”

Customer: “I would like to organize one-on-one private lessons with you for my daughter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do private lessons.”

Customer: “So why is he teaching that little girl how to do a lift?”

Me: “That’s our daughter. He’s not teaching her anything, he’s just picking her up. We were playing a game.”

Customer: “I demand you give my child private lessons!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve just told you, we don’t do that here.”

Customer: “She’s been in your class for two years!”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: “That little girl isn’t even old enough to be in your class.”

Me: “No, she’s not, but she’s my daughter. She’s been exposed to ballet since she was a baby.”

Customer: “So has my child! She knows culture!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but I just can’t give her private lessons.”

Customer: “Why are you letting her do it, then?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve told you already, she’s my daughter. She gets private lessons with me whether she likes it or not. We live together.”

Customer: “So if I send my daughter to live with you, will you teach her?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t send your daughter to live with us.”

My Daughter: “Mommy! Look at me!”

Customer: “Oh, she really is your daughter? I thought you were lying. See you tomorrow for class!”

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