It’s Not My Fault, Even Though It Is

| Top

Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if I could return some rotten milk? Or get it replaced, or a refund or something.”

Me: “Well, when did you buy it?”

Lady: “A week ago.”

Me: “Okay, when did it expire?”

Lady: “Yesterday.”

Me: “So, you bought it before the expiration date, then it expired. Correct?”

Lady: “Um, yeah, I guess so…”

Me: “We can’t return that, then.”

Lady: “WHAT THE *%!*?! ARE YOU *%!*ING KIDDING ME?!”

Me: “Are you serious? You bought it before it expired, kept it until AFTER it expired, and now want to return it?”

Lady: “WELL YOU HAVE A NICE *%!*ING DAY.”

Me: “You too, ma’am.”

Source

Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net

, | Uncategorized

Me, on the phone: “Thank you for calling Hollister, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a specific shirt, I was wondering if you have it?”

Me: “Ok, can you describe it?”

Customer: “Well it’s blue, and it says “Hollister’ on it.”

Me: “Riiiiiiigghhht.”

When Nomenclature Goes Amok

| Top

Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”

Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”

Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”

Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”

Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?”

Customer: *hangs up*

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

| Uncategorized

(A local officer picked this woman up off the street for Public Intoxication. He brought her to the jail to be booked in.)

Me: “Ma’am please move over to the counter.”

Her: “I don’t want to order anything, I’m not hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am I need to remove the handcuffs and search you.”

Her: “I don’t own any handcuffs.”

Me: “Ma’am do you know where you are?”

Her: “Yeah, at the store but I don’t like what you have done with it.”

Me: “Ma’am how much have you had to drink tonight?”

Her: “OH I don’t drink, I’m a dietitian!”

Me: *furrows eyebrows* “Do you mean diabetic?”

Her: “Whatever I doesn’t … er … didn’t drink anything but some Orange Juice … the bottle is in my purse.”

(I open her purse and find not only the bottle with OJ in it but an empty bottle of Vodka. The OJ in the bottle was almost see through she had so much Vodka in it.)

Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow and Bow

, | Top

(Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)

Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”

Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”

(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”

(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”

(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*

Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”

(I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)

Page 3,032/3,044First...3,0303,0313,0323,0333,034...Last