Nowhere To Hide

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Man: “Oh miss! I notice your shirt says the “*** Steam Train”. You work there?”

Me: “…yes?”

Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

Me: “Of course…”

Man: “So why are you at “Stop and Shop”? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*

If Dr. Phil Has Hair, I’m A Friggin’ Sasquatch

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Customer: “I’m looking for that book by the guy with the hair.”

Me: “The…guy with the hair?”

Customer: “Yeah. I saw it on TV this morning. It has a red cover, I think…”

Me: “What was it about?”

Customer: “Ummm…I think it was about losing weight?”

Me, making an intuitive leap: “Was it The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution by Dr. Phil McGraw?”

Customer: “That’s it!”

Related:
Speaking Stupidese
Why Don’t We Stamp It On Your Forehead
Egocentrism Meets Geocentrism
You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy
(Telepathic) Help Wanted

PINheaded

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Customer: “Hey, somebody painted the wall outside the branch I use!”

Me: “Yes sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well now I don’t know my PIN number!”

Me: “I’m sorry–I’m not sure what that has to do with the wall being painted.”

Customer: “I wrote my PIN number on the wall beside the ATM! NOW what am I supposed to do?!?!”

Me: “…”

Short Term Memory Is For The Weak

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(We keep lids for our yogurt cups behind the counter and ask each customer if they need one when we give them their order.)

Me: “Would you like a lid for that?”

Female Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Alright, have a nice day.”

(She continues to just stand there after I walk away.)

Female Customer: “Fine! I guess I don’t get a lid then!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “You just told her you didn’t want one.”

Female Customer: “Oh yeah…”

Me: *facepalm*

Related:
Zero Short Term Memory

Oooh, Red And Rectangular…

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Lady Customer on the Phone: “Hi, I saw this book on television and I was hoping you’d have it in stock…”

Me: “Why sure, ma’am. Just if you can give me some more details, I will look it up in our computer.”

Customer: “Well it was on Oprah recently, and it was a red book. And it had an award for it or something.”

(I check through our database of books that were recently shown on TV…nothing comes up that remotely fits that description.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not seeing anything on our computer. Our company gets a list of books that are on television recently, and I can’t seem to find it. May I ask when you saw the particular episode?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was about five…maybe six-ish…years ago. Come on, do your f***ing job. I already told you it was red! Find it already!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry ma’am, but this only lists books that were shown within the past two to three months. I can do a normal search if you can give me any other details, such as the author or genre–”

(She cuts me off.)

Customer: “**** you! It’s RED! It’s rectangular! DO YOUR JOB AND FIND IT FOR ME OR I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED! YOU’LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!”

(At this point I just stop talking and handed the phone to the manager on duty. I could hear the woman still frothing at the mouth, even as I walked quickly away from the phone! From what I hear, of course we never figured out what it was, but she hung up eventually screaming all the while she’d have our store torn down for being such incompetent people.)

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