Eggs Aren’t The Only Things Getting Beaten

| Naperville, IL, USA | Right | March 20, 2011

(My restaurant has a deal. If the lunch time food takes longer than 15 minutes to deliver to the table, the meal is free. I explain the concept to a table of three customers.)

Me: “If I don’t have that food out for you in 15 minutes, you guys don’t have to pay for lunch!”

Customer: “Wait. If you take too long and we don’t have to pay, does the price of the food come out of your salary?”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, no, but my managers do take me outback and beat me.”

Customer: *pauses* “Can I watch?”

1 Thumbs
2,482
VOTES

If You’re Rude, You Get Screwed

| Berlin, Germany | Right | March 20, 2011

(I am serving a customer. He appears to be trying to impress his girlfriend.)

Customer: “This wine is corked!”

Me: “No, sir. It’s not corked.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you? A simple server should never say I’m lying! I want to speak to the manager!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This wine is corked, and this guy is calling me a liar!”

Manager, to me: “How can you be so sure his wine is not corked?”

Me: “The bottle had a screw cap.”

1 Thumbs
3,789
VOTES

State Of The Toilets Have Been Far Purse

| VA, USA | Right | March 19, 2011

Female guest: “Excuse me. Can you tell the boys to stop peeing in the purse holders?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Female guest: “In the port-a-potties. Can you tell the boys to stop peeing in the purse holder?”

Me: “Do you mean the urinals?”

1 Thumbs
3,148
VOTES

His Logic Has More Than Meets The Eye

| Perth, Australia | Right | March 19, 2011

(A customer walks in with a pair of glasses.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Do you mind pushing the lenses out of this frame for me? My wife wants just the frame for her lab work. She would like to use them as safety glasses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The frame would be useless if I pushed the lenses out.”

Customer: “No. She’s going to use them as safety glasses in the lab.”

Me: “Are you sure, sir? It wouldn’t meet the standard of safety glasses if it doesn’t have any lenses.”

Customer: “Yes! I’m 100% sure that they will work as safety glasses without any lenses.”

(I remove the lenses for him.)

Me: “Okay. If something was going to fling into her face, whatwould protect her eyes?”

Customer: “These safety glasses!”

1 Thumbs
1,942
VOTES

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | March 18, 2011

Caller: “It’s too cold in my room. Can you turn the air off?”

Me: “Turn it off?”

Caller: “It’s just freezing.”

Me: “The outside temperature is 15 degrees. If we turn the air off, it will bring your office temperature closer to 15 degrees.”

Caller: “Don’t do that. Just turn it off. I’d rather it be nothing than this cold!”

1 Thumbs
1,446
VOTES
Page 3,031/3,888First...3,0293,0303,0313,0323,033...Last
« Previous
Next »