Gluttony Or Gluttony

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Customer: “Can I have the giant Yorkshire Pudding?”

Me: “Sure, would you like it served with Beef or Pork?”

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have beef or pork.”

Me: “No, would you like Beef OR Pork?”

Customer: “YES, beef or pork!”

Send In The Clowns

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(Almost thirty kids are lined up at the velcro wall waiting to ride. We have about five minutes until out troupe leaves.)

Some Mother: “I want my son to ride this ride.”

Me: “Ma’am I don’t think there’s enough time for all these kids to–”

Some Mother: “I don’t care if he’s the last one. I want him to ride this ride.”

Me: “This ride is going to shut down in about five minutes. There isn’t enough time for–”

Some Mother: “He can be the last in line then.”

Me: “He can wait in line but probably won’t be able to–”

Some Mother: “Fine.”

(Mother walks away and returns some time after the ride is shut down and all kids are turned away.)

Some Mother: “Hey! HEY! I thought we agreed that my child would get on the ride.”

Me: “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Some Mother: “Well, put the ride back up so he can ride it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but we can’t do all that for one child.”

Some Mother: “Why not?! Your just being f**king stubborn.”

Me: “If you have any complaints you can speak to the clown over there. Have a nice day.”

Some Mother: “I don’t want to talk to any d**n clown.”

Me: “That clown is my boss.”

If Only It Grew On Trees

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(I was doing rebates for cellphones at the time…)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Okay, so I want my rebate.”

Me: “Alright, all I need from you is the cellphone number.”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “…you don’t have a cellphone number?”

Customer: “No, but I want my rebate.”

Me: “So, you do know that in order to receive a rebate, you actually need to purchase a cellphone?”

Customer: “For **** sakes. You’re telling me that in order to get MY rebate, I need to go out, waste MY gas, and with MY money, buy a cellphone?”

Me: “Well, that would be the general idea of getting a reimbursement on something you had purchased.”

Customer: “But I just want the money back…”

Me: “Well, it’s not like this is free money.”

Customer: “…it’s not?”

Me: “No.”

(After about 20 seconds of silence, the customer hangs up.)

When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli) …

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(Keep in mind, this is a kosher deli.)

Customer: “Can I get a ham sandwich, please?”

Me: “Well, sir, we don’t serve ham.”

Customer: “No ham? What do you have then?”

Me: “Well, we have turkey, roast beef, corned beef, and pastrami…”

Customer: “But no ham?”

Me: “No, sir, no ham.”

Customer: “What? Do you have a thing against ham or something?”

Me: “Actually…yes, we do.”

How Cows Order Coffee

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Me: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

Woman: “Yeah, a small coffee with 2 splendas and extra milk.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $1.49.”

(She pays and I give her the change. I proceed to make the drink. I pressed the “Medium” button for milk and then gave an extra shot. When I gave it to her, she took a sip and made a face as if she had just taken a sip of liquefied dog s**t.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: “I asked for extra milk! This is too strong.”

Me: “Well, I’ll put some more in for you. No problem.”

Woman, muttering under her breath: “Idiot kid…”

(I put another “Medium” shot in. This is two mediums and one extra shot for a total of seven milks.)

(She takes another sip, with the same face.)

Woman: “What part of extra milk do you not understand?”

Me: “I understand what extra milk means. I put in about four times the regular amount of milk.”

Woman: “Well, put more!”

(I put in more. I put a “Large” shot of milk (four more). This brings our total to 11 milks, therefore being classified as milk with a little coffee.)

Me: “Here.”

(She takes another sip, and yes. Again, she makes that freaking face.)

Woman: “Look. Extra milk means you put in the regular amount, and then you put in MORE.”

Me: “I know that! That is a SMALL coffee with 11 MILKS!”

Woman: “PUT IN MORE!”

(I put in more another “Medium” shot (three more)).

Me: “Here. The coffee is almost white now.”

(She drinks it again and SPITS IT ALL OVER THE COUNTER.)

Me: “Lady, what’s your problem?”

Woman: “This coffee is cold! I ordered a hot coffee, not a cold coffee! Can you comprehend that?”

Me: “F**k this. Who’s next?”

(My shift leader was laughing in the corner the whole time. She remade this lady’s drink with one large shot of milk and gave it to her. She sipped it…”Ah, now that’s better!”)

(Everyone in line had a pretty good laugh about it.)

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