I’m Team Peppa

| NJ, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a bookstore that closes at 10:00 pm. I am checking out my last customer when someone comes up to me and puts a book on the table.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like to return this book.”

Me: “Of course, sir! Why would you like to return this book?”

Customer: “I gave it to my four-year-old son and he said that he couldn’t read it. There also weren’t any pictures in it.”

(As I continue to inspect the book, I realize he has given his son a Twilight book.)

Me: “Sir, you do realize that you just gave your son a Twilight book. He shouldn’t be reading this.”

Customer: “What? Man, you must be VERY stupid. If you know how to read, it says ‘Peppa Pig’ on the cover.”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that this is Twilight.”

(I then realized that the customer had taped a paper that read “Peppa Pig” over the normal title so that his son wouldn’t notice. He kept trying to convince me that it was Peppa Pig. He had to be escorted out when he tried to assault me.)


On Autobot Autopilot

| ID, USA | Geeks Rule, Non-Dialogue

I’m the customer in this story. I got a necklace at a Renaissance Faire not too long ago that’s essentially a tiny book on a chain, and since I work as a librarian I’ve been wearing it to work every day and I’ve gotten a LOT of compliments on it.

A couple weeks after getting it I end up going to the post office on my lunch break to send a package, and as she’s helping me the clerk compliments me on my necklace. Without thinking I reply “Thanks. I work at the library.”

The clerk gives me a weird look but says nothing, and finishes up with my package. It’s not until I’m out the door that I realize I’m NOT wearing the book necklace today, but a pendant with the Autobot symbol from Transformers on it.

I can only wonder what was going through that clerk’s head when I responded to a compliment on my “geeky” necklace with a complete non-sequitur about my job.


The Pipes To Their Brain Must Be Blocked Too

| Wauwatosa, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Non-Dialogue

The public bathrooms at the store I work in have stopped working. Apparently, the sewage is backing up. Not a pretty sight. Or smell.

Because of this, my managers make d*** sure no one is getting in, so they put up chairs and baskets and signs that say “Bathroom Out of Order” all over. The entire area is blocked off with rope and chairs.

Funny enough, two people force their way through only to be greeted by the wonderful aroma of backed up pipes.

We told you they were closed, but you didn’t listen. They then had the audacity to tell us that we weren’t clear enough!


Making A Mug Out Of You

, | Southlake, TX, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a bakery and cafe that uses regular words (small, med, large) for coffee sizes, but having worked for the Siren in the past, I know their language, too.)

Customer: “…and a tall coffee.”

Me: *repeating back order* “…and one small coffee.”

Customer: “NO. I said TALL. T-A-L-L. I don’t know what words you guys use here, but I need a tall.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I used to work at [Competitor] so I know that tall is small for them. We make it easy and just use small, medium, and large.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever, a regular then.”

Me: “Okay, so one medium coffee?”

Customer: “YES.”

(We finish the transaction, which ends with me giving her a medium paper cup for the self-serve coffee. Afterwards, I step away from the register for a moment to help run food and bus tables. I return to the register to see the same customer walking up.)

Customer: “I need a cup.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, did I forget to give you one?”

Customer: *holding up the cup I gave her* “No, I need a CUP. C-U-P.”

Me: “Do you need a second one, to double-cup it?”

Customer: “NO, I spent so long telling you what size I wanted that I forgot to tell you that I want a CUP.”

Me: “Oh, do you want a ceramic mug? Let me go get you one!”

(The real kicker is, we only have one size mug so we could have avoided all this if she started with that!)


Sending Them ‘Straight’ Out

| Tampa, FL, USA | Bigotry

(I work at a restaurant that’s very busy on Saturday nights; we’re at full capacity. I have a regular couple who normally comes in for coffees and desserts, and I have a table of a same gender couple sit behind them, who is celebrating their two year anniversary. The couple hear me congratulate them.)

Gentleman: “[My Name], can you sit us somewhere else?”

Me: “Oh, I am sorry. We are at full capacity; there isn’t any where else. Is something the matter with your table?”

Gentleman: “We cannot sit here as good Christians and condone that sort of behavior. It goes against God and all he stands for.”

Me: “I apologize but I am confused. What behavior?”

(The wife, who hasn’t said anything, slams her hand on the table and very loudly says:)

Wife: “Them! Those devils!” *unattractive language followed by slur* “I demand to speak to your manager at once!”

(I quickly get my manager and am apologizing profusely to the other couple.)

Manager: “What is the problem, Mrs. [Name]?”

Wife: “How dare you call yourself a family-friendly restaurant when you allow and serve [slurs] in here. We demand a refund!”

Manager: “We allow everyone in here, and we cannot give you a refund just because you disapprove of our customers.”

Wife: “We will not be back.”

(The husband paid just enough for their coffees. Their dessert hadn’t come out yet, and my manager said I could give it the other couple on us for the outburst. They still come into the restaurant, so we lost a regular and gained another one because we stood our ground. They were really nice and when I finally left they were on their sixth anniversary, and marriage was legalized in Florida and they had picked a date!)

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