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Between The Has And The Has-Nots

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a store where most of our sales come from people buying gifts off of registries. We are no longer allowed to offer to print the entire list because our customers refuse to read so we have to just print the available items.)

Customer: “I need the registry for [Name].”

Me: *prints a copy* “Here you go! Let me know if you need help finding something!”

Customer: “But… how will I know if she already has something?”

Me: “If she already has it, it won’t be on the list.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid*

Me: “…unless she asked for more than one of the exact same item but did not get the exact amount she wants. You only have a list of what she still needs.”

Customer: *condescendingly* “But this column says ‘has’!”

Me: “Right! And all the numbers in the ‘has’ column will be zero or at least less than the number in the ‘wants’ column!”

Customer: “So how will I know if she needs something!?”

Me: “If she needs it, it will still be on the list. Nothing that anyone else already fulfilled will even be on the paper. You can buy anything on the list!”

Customer: “Well, now I’m just confused.”

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What A Hard Case

| Denver, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(We own both a cell phone accessories store and a kiosk in the same mall. A customer is at the kiosk and can’t find anything she likes and is agitated because of it. She is told to come into our store because we have a wider selection of cases. The customer is also currently using a case she bought from us three months ago. She is an older lady of around 45.)

Me: “Hello, how you doing today?”

Customer: “Hey, I’m very agitated right now. My experience at your kiosk was horrible!”

Me: “I’m sorry; what happened?”

Customer: “The guy made me try on your case and it was hard to take off—” *should be a good thing for a phone case so it doesn’t pop off easily* “—and I cannot find a case I like.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; we have a lot more to choose from here. Let’s find one that fits your needs.”

Customer: “I need one that’s very protective.”

Me: “Okay, all the protective ones are over here.” *I show her our best cases*

Customer: “Noooo, these are plain and ugly!” *walks over to the shiny, flashy, fashionable cases* “How about these?”

Me: “Those aren’t too protective. They’re mainly for looks and show but they aren’t bad if you’re extra careful with your phone.”

Customer: “No, I’m super clumsy. I drop it all the time.”

Me: “Then I’d stick with the higher quality cases.”

Customer: “But I don’t want them! Oh, my god, I’m sooo irritated right now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a tradeoff. It’s hard to have a perfect case that does everything at the same time.”

(She chooses one.)

Customer: “I’m just gonna go with this one. I hate the one I’ve been using from you guys. it keeps falling out of the case! What is the total?! I’ll pay more if I have to. I want to get out of here now!” *very loud and freaking out*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s not supposed to do that. I won’t charge you for the new case, only the difference.”

Customer: “That’s the same as charging.”

Me: “No, it’s not, ma’am. This case is $40+tax but you only have to pay $10+tax to cover the difference because the case you had was $30.”

Customer: “I am so annoyed right now I’m about to go crazy… You guys don’t understand business and I’m going to report this to the BBB. This is why people love Apple, because they take care of their customers.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Technically I’m supposed to charge you the full $40+tax for the case. Our return policy is seven days and our exchange policy is fourteen days. It’s been three months and I’m still allowing you to exchange it.”

Customer: “I’m never coming back again! You guys don’t understand anything! I’m never coming back.”

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. Some people will like our products ad policies and some won’t. It’s not for everyone.”

Customer: “You don’t understand anything!”

Me: “Yes, I actually do, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, you don’t! I’ve worked in sales for over twelve years!”

(Obviously why she’s stuck in sales for 12 years. My boss comes out.)

Boss: “What is going on here?”

(We explained the situation.)

Boss: “Okay, ma’am, let me look up your purchase history on the system so we can further assist you.”

Customer: “NO! I DON’T WANT TO GIVE YOU ANYTHING. THIS IS STUPID. I AM SO DONE!”

Boss: “You know what? Just take it and leave.”

Customer: “OKAY! I’M NEVER COMING BACK!”

(She leaves.)

Boss: “I just want her to get out.”

(I don’t appreciate people trying to get things for free and abusing/ignoring company policies as if they’re above everyone else, but at the end of the day she got a free case after using ours for three months.)

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Where All The Complaints Stem From

| Temple, TX, USA | Food & Drink

(I go to check on a table of two older-looking ladies, the second of which is dressed very neatly and entered with a nurse and a walker. The well-dressed woman has ordered a spinach and strawberry salad.)

Me: “How is everything today?”

Woman #1: “Oh, fine, thank you.”

Woman #2: “Why don’t you cut these stems off?”

(I look at her plate, where she has systematically cut the stem of each piece of spinach in her salad.)

Me: “That’s just how the spinach comes, ma’am.”

Woman #2: “Well, I’ve had to cut all of them off.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s how it comes. I’ve never had a problem eating it myself.”

Woman #2: “Well, I always cut off the stems when I buy fresh spinach at the store.”

(At this point I really don’t know what else to say. I apologize again, but leave the plate, as Woman #2 is nearly through the salad. When I clear the table, she’s left the pile of spinach stems on half the plate. I bring it up with the owner/cook later.)

Owner: “It’s triple-washed, organic baby spinach. You’re supposed to eat the whole thing!”

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The Customer Strikes Back

| CA, USA | Technology

(I’ve finally gotten around to playing the video game, ‘Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.’ Since I’ve never played before, I talk to all the characters standing and walking around. In the cantina on the starting world, I have an encounter with one of the patrons.)

Woman: “Where did you get those clothes, a trash compactor in the lower city? And where are those drinks we ordered?”

Real Me: “Wow, rude little brat.”

Me In Game: “Who are you and why are you bossing me around?”

Woman: “Why is the help here so incompetent? One word from daddy and I could get you fired!”

Real Me: “Holy crap, it’s a virtual Not Always Right story.”

Me In Game: “I don’t even work here!”

Woman: “How dare you speak to me like that? Daddy’s going to hear about this!” *runs off*

Real Me: “Okay, this was some impressive realism for a Star Wars game.”

(Later, when I left the cantina, she showed back up and set some thugs on me. I shot down her thugs Han Solo style, and she ran off screaming for daddy. It’s a good thing most real life stories don’t go that far!)

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Don’t Chew The Fat With Me If You Can’t Handle It

| OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’ve recently given birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and while I’ve now returned to my job, I haven’t yet managed to shed the weight I put on during my pregnancy.)

Customer: “D***, you’ve really gotten fat!”

Me: *silently checking out his purchases*

Customer: “I mean, I’ve only been coming here for like a year so that is some incredible weight gain!”

Me: *just shrugs and keeps scanning his purchases*

Customer: “So…what’s the deal? Boyfriend left ya? Job getting to ya? Feeling like the only reason for living is to get to the bottom of your third tub of ice cream?”

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

(The customer doesn’t pull out his wallet just yet.)

Customer: “Well, are you gonna answer me, whale?”

Me: “First off, let me ask this: what is your endgame here?”

Customer: “Huh? My what?”

Me: “Your endgame. What do you hope to accomplish by insulting and belittling me here? Because so far all you’re doing is making yourself look like a complete idiot to everyone around you.”

(The customer turns and notices the rest of the line is staring at him, some in shock and some in quiet disdain.)

Customer: “I… uh… well… so you know you’re a fat-a** and do something about it!”

Me: “I am doing something about it. I put on this weight because I was pregnant. Now I’m hitting the gym at least four times a week so I’ll no doubt lose it again.”

Customer: “Well… uh… I dunno, then! I didn’t think you were going to quiz me about this!”

Me: “Your total is still [price].”

Customer: “No! F*** you, fat b****! Now I feel bad and it’s all your fault!”

(He storms off, leaving me to have to void his entire transaction.)

Me: “I apologize for this. It won’t take me more than a minute.”

Next Customer In Line: “How… How did you keep your cool through that?”

Me: “Ten hours of labor and a baby that made every bit of pain totally worth it. After that, it takes a lot more than a moron’s poorly chosen words to hurt me.”

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