Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A client shows up for an appointment to remove ticks from her dog.)

Coworker: “How many ticks does he have and where are they?

Client: “Six that we’ve counted so far.”

Coworker: “Wow! That’s a lot. Where have you been lately?”

Client: “I know, it’s really weird. They’re on his belly and they’re all symmetrical.”

(The client starts to roll dog over to show us belly. Stunned silence follows.)

Coworker: “Nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple!”

Client: “But he’s a boy!”

Coworker: “You have nipples, don’t you, sir?”


Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud

Feast Your Eyes On Me Hanging Up On You

USA | Bad Behavior

(I work for a call center for the public library system in my county. We’re the main phone line for the entire system as well as a hotline where patrons can call and ask us anything. I’ve been on the phone for several minutes with a customer who has a bad connection but refuses to call back, so there’s a lot of static on the line. She’s been asking for phone numbers in another state, and I’m coming up with nothing. Finally she asks for a number in-state and I mistakenly give her incorrect information, which gets her very irate and she begins to yell at me.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’d like to continue helping you, but you’re going to have to be civil and patient with me. You cannot yell at me.”

Patron: *angrily* “You don’t need to know why I need this phone number! My sister could be having a crisis so just give me the number!”

Me: “Ma’am, I never asked why you needed it. I’m trying to find that number, but you need to be patient with me while I look for that phone number.” *I finally find it and get ready to give it to her*

Patron: *in a low, growling voice* “I want to cut your eyeballs out of your head and fry them in a f****** frying pan.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m terminating the call.” *hangs up*

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 6

| Omaha, NE, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I work in the garden center of a large department store. We only have two cash registers, but only use one unless it is really busy. We are incredibly busy one day, with a line six or seven deep, so I open up the second register. Just as I do so, the first register requires a manager override.)

Me: “Ma’am, I can help you over here.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

Me: “Are you paying with a debit card today? This register will freeze if we try to use a debit card and we would need a manager to reboot it.”

Customer: “No, I’m not.”

Me: *checks out her items* “That will be [total], please.”

(Customer uses her debit card. The register freezes.)

Me: “You processed it as a debit card. The register won’t accept it and it’s frozen now.”

Customer: “Well, just cancel it.”

Me: “I can’t. The register won’t let me do anything at all.”

Customer: “Then check me out on the other register.” *the other line hasn’t moved for several minutes*

Coworker: “We can’t. I need to void an item that needs manager approval.”

Customer: “Then call a manager.”

Me: “We have. The only manager that can unlock the registers is on the other end of the store, and they have to deal with the registers up front first. It could be a little while depending on how busy they are.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you should learn how to use your machines.”

Me: “We know how to use the registers. I told you it won’t take debit cards, you used a debit card, and now both machines are frozen.”

(This goes on for about ten minutes, with me explaining over and over that, no, I couldn’t do anything without a manager, yes, I have called for them multiple times, and no I didn’t know how long they would be.)

Customer: “Well, fine! I’ll just go up front where they know how to do their jobs!”

(A manager came back about two minutes later. The line was cleared five minutes after that.)


To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3

High… On Tipping

| Pflugerville, TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I am delivering pizza and see that the next house is in my neighborhood. Walking up to the front door, I can smell weed. I ring the doorbell. Customer #1 opens the door and I can clearly see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

Customer #1: “Hey, it’s the pizza guy!”

Me: “Hi, your total is $16.59.”

Customer #1: *talking to his friend* “Hey! I thought you paid for this over credit card?”

Me: “Uhm…” *pointing at receipt* “It says it’s a cash order.”

(At this point everyone was running around trying to figure out what to do, so I just hand them the pizza. Then Customer #2 walks out.)

Customer #2: “So, we think we’ll pay with credit card.”

Me: “All right, just call back at [Pizza Store], and they should fix your order.”

(Customer #1 rushes towards me, panting and out of breath.)

Customer #1: “Okay, so I think we’re paying cash.”

Me: *confused* “Uh… Someone just said that they’re paying with credit card?”

Customer #1: “That’s weird. Well, I’m paying with cash.” *puts a wad of money in my hands*

(At this point, I’m really confused on what’s happening. As I’m walking back to my car, Customer #2 runs out and hands me a $10 bill. I made $25 in tips and they eventually called the store to pay in credit. Best. Night. Ever.)

A Serial Problem

| GA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

Customer: “I tried to register my serial number on the website last night but it wouldn’t take it.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I can go ahead and get that registered for you. Can I have the serial number, please?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have it right now. Don’t you have it?”

Me: “…”

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