Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A client shows up for an appointment to remove ticks from her dog.)

Coworker: “How many ticks does he have and where are they?

Client: “Six that we’ve counted so far.”

Coworker: “Wow! That’s a lot. Where have you been lately?”

Client: “I know, it’s really weird. They’re on his belly and they’re all symmetrical.”

(The client starts to roll dog over to show us belly. Stunned silence follows.)

Coworker: “Nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple, nipple!”

Client: “But he’s a boy!”

Coworker: “You have nipples, don’t you, sir?”

Related:

Glad They Nipped That One In The Bud

Feast Your Eyes On Me Hanging Up On You

USA | Bad Behavior

(I work for a call center for the public library system in my county. We’re the main phone line for the entire system as well as a hotline where patrons can call and ask us anything. I’ve been on the phone for several minutes with a customer who has a bad connection but refuses to call back, so there’s a lot of static on the line. She’s been asking for phone numbers in another state, and I’m coming up with nothing. Finally she asks for a number in-state and I mistakenly give her incorrect information, which gets her very irate and she begins to yell at me.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’d like to continue helping you, but you’re going to have to be civil and patient with me. You cannot yell at me.”

Patron: *angrily* “You don’t need to know why I need this phone number! My sister could be having a crisis so just give me the number!”

Me: “Ma’am, I never asked why you needed it. I’m trying to find that number, but you need to be patient with me while I look for that phone number.” *I finally find it and get ready to give it to her*

Patron: *in a low, growling voice* “I want to cut your eyeballs out of your head and fry them in a f****** frying pan.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m terminating the call.” *hangs up*

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 6

| Omaha, NE, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(I work in the garden center of a large department store. We only have two cash registers, but only use one unless it is really busy. We are incredibly busy one day, with a line six or seven deep, so I open up the second register. Just as I do so, the first register requires a manager override.)

Me: “Ma’am, I can help you over here.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

Me: “Are you paying with a debit card today? This register will freeze if we try to use a debit card and we would need a manager to reboot it.”

Customer: “No, I’m not.”

Me: *checks out her items* “That will be [total], please.”

(Customer uses her debit card. The register freezes.)

Me: “You processed it as a debit card. The register won’t accept it and it’s frozen now.”

Customer: “Well, just cancel it.”

Me: “I can’t. The register won’t let me do anything at all.”

Customer: “Then check me out on the other register.” *the other line hasn’t moved for several minutes*

Coworker: “We can’t. I need to void an item that needs manager approval.”

Customer: “Then call a manager.”

Me: “We have. The only manager that can unlock the registers is on the other end of the store, and they have to deal with the registers up front first. It could be a little while depending on how busy they are.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you should learn how to use your machines.”

Me: “We know how to use the registers. I told you it won’t take debit cards, you used a debit card, and now both machines are frozen.”

(This goes on for about ten minutes, with me explaining over and over that, no, I couldn’t do anything without a manager, yes, I have called for them multiple times, and no I didn’t know how long they would be.)

Customer: “Well, fine! I’ll just go up front where they know how to do their jobs!”

(A manager came back about two minutes later. The line was cleared five minutes after that.)

Related:

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4

To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3

High… On Tipping

| Pflugerville, TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I am delivering pizza and see that the next house is in my neighborhood. Walking up to the front door, I can smell weed. I ring the doorbell. Customer #1 opens the door and I can clearly see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

Customer #1: “Hey, it’s the pizza guy!”

Me: “Hi, your total is $16.59.”

Customer #1: *talking to his friend* “Hey! I thought you paid for this over credit card?”

Me: “Uhm…” *pointing at receipt* “It says it’s a cash order.”

(At this point everyone was running around trying to figure out what to do, so I just hand them the pizza. Then Customer #2 walks out.)

Customer #2: “So, we think we’ll pay with credit card.”

Me: “All right, just call back at [Pizza Store], and they should fix your order.”

(Customer #1 rushes towards me, panting and out of breath.)

Customer #1: “Okay, so I think we’re paying cash.”

Me: *confused* “Uh… Someone just said that they’re paying with credit card?”

Customer #1: “That’s weird. Well, I’m paying with cash.” *puts a wad of money in my hands*

(At this point, I’m really confused on what’s happening. As I’m walking back to my car, Customer #2 runs out and hands me a $10 bill. I made $25 in tips and they eventually called the store to pay in credit. Best. Night. Ever.)

A Serial Problem

| GA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

Customer: “I tried to register my serial number on the website last night but it wouldn’t take it.”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I can go ahead and get that registered for you. Can I have the serial number, please?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have it right now. Don’t you have it?”

Me: “…”

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