It’s A Crappy Color Anyway

| CT, USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(A woman approaches me in the pets department and asks to see all of our litter boxes. I oblige her.)

Customer: “No, no, these are all pink. I need a BLUE litter box.”

Customer’s Husband: “Honey…”

Customer: “He’s a BOY CAT. He can’t have a PINK litter box!”

Customer’s Husband: “He’s literally going to CRAP in it!”

(They began to argue so I just walked away.)

Doesn’t Like His Veggies (Questioned)

| USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(One of our most popular sandwiches is our BLT. Our veggies are optional, however, so some people do not get lettuce and tomato on their sandwich. We just normally ask what veggies they would like on their sandwich. A mother and her teenage son walk in and go through the usual ordering process.)

Me: “Any other sandwiches for you guys today?”

Mother: “Nope, we’re good!”

Me: *asking the son* “And veggies on your BLT?”

Son: “…”

Me: “Veggies?”

Son: *rolls eyes and speaks in a very condescending tone* “Well, lettuce and tomatoes, duh! God!”

Me: *stays silent and proceeds to put veggies on his sandwich*

Mother: “CUT THE ATTITUDE, [SON]! She’s not a mind reader! She doesn’t know what the f*** you want!”

(At that point my coworker and I had to hold back our laughter while the son slowly turned red from embarrassment.)

Dia-Path-etic

| UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular

(My family and I have gone into an unfamiliar cafe for a light lunch. My dad and I order toasted sandwiches; my mum orders an ordinary cold sandwich. After 10 minutes mum’s sandwich comes, but no toasties. A few minutes later my dad catches the server’s attention:)

Dad: *in a jocular tone* “Hi, we’re still waiting for two toasted sandwiches. You haven’t forgotten us, have you?”

Server: *angrily* “We’re very BUSY!”

(Five more minutes go by. Mum has finished her sandwich, but I and dad haven’t got our food. The server comes towards us with a toasted sandwich, but serves it to the woman at the next table.)

Me: *to server* “Excuse me, we’ve been waiting for about 15 minutes. My mum’s finished her food, and we still haven’t had ours. I notice you’ve served that lady who came in after us. Has something gone wrong?”

Woman At Next Table: “I have type one diabetes! I HAVE to eat now. How DARE you complain when I HAVE to eat something before I lapse into a coma!”

Me: “You have type one diabetes? Me, too. And what you’re eating won’t help you if you’re worried about lapsing into a coma. You need something sweet, not a savoury sandwich. Please don’t make our condition an excuse for bad manners. Nobody was talking to you, anyway.”

Their Weirdness Is A Whole Different Animal

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m a cashier at a small supermarket. We have miniature carts for children to use. Around midnight, two well dressed men in suits enter the store. They grab a child cart and place a large object in it. They hunch over to push the cart and as they pass by my check stand I realize it is a taxidermied animal that looks like a cross between a wolverine and an armadillo.)

Coworker: *under his breath* “What the h***?”

(The men continue around the store as normal and eventually come through my line. I’m still in shock from their entrance.)

Me: “Uh… good evening, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Indeed I did my friend! Indeed I did.”

(I ring up the two men’s items: four water bottles, three packages of hot dogs, two cans of whipped cream, and a pack of gum.)

Me: *still bewildered, and having trouble taking my eyes off of the bizarre animal in the tiny cart* “Will that be all tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, sir!”

Me: “Well, uh… have a nice evening?”

Customer: “You as well, sir!”

(The two customers leave, grabbing their items and their weird dead pet on the way. I turn to my coworker:)

Me: “What in the actual f*** just happened?”

(At this point another bewildered customer approaches my check stand.)

Customer #2: “So you saw them too? Thank god. I thought I was losing it.”

How Do I Get One Of Them Internets?

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m cashiering at a discount department store, and one of our duties involves answering the phones.)

Me: “Hi, we’re having a great day at [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What’s the number for online shopping?”

Me: “You mean customer service for the online store?”

Customer: “No, which number do I call to shop online?”

Me: “There… there isn’t one. You have to go online.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You have to go on the Internet to do online shopping. That’s how it works. Do you have a computer?”