A client wanted me to illustrate their children’s book. I had a vague idea of what they wanted but wanted clarification.

Me: “What kind of style do you want for the illustrations?”

Client: “LOL! What do you mean, ‘what style’? Just illustrate it!”

My guess was that they wanted something like American cartoons, but in terms of narrowing things down, that got us from “ocean” to “huge pond”.

I never got the direction I needed and eventually dropped the project.

My advice to clients looking for illustrations: we can’t read your minds. You need to be specific when conveying your vision to us.

A lady is waiting outside my workplace in a mall before I even open. She is staring at me before I even unlock the door; I still have my bag, my coat, and everything still on. She is expecting me to serve her right away.

I try to ignore her and enter the store, closing the door behind me, and start preparing for the day

I am hoping she will get the hint that the store is not open yet, but she doesn’t. She continues staring at me until I run out of things to do.

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t open for another ten more minutes.”

Customer: “I understand.”

Despite this, she continues to stand there and just… stare at me. I leave the store for five minutes while I go to the bathroom, hoping that she will wait somewhere else — or leave — but as I am walking back, I notice that she is actually standing at the corner waiting for me, like she can’t believe I left her hanging.

As I am opening the door to go back inside, still trying to ignore her:

Customer: “I’ll want to get [item].”

Me: “I’m still not open yet.”

She pulls out her card and stands at the till, still just staring at me. I realize the item she wants is part of a delivery that still has not arrived.

Me: “That item will be a bit late; the driver is still a few minutes away with [items].”

Customer: *Mad* “Call the driver!”

Me: “He won’t pick up because he’s driving.”

Customer: “You’re just lying to be lazy! Like you’ve been lazy and slow all morning!”

The delivery comes in less than two minutes later. She marches up to the driver.

Customer: “I am waiting!“

I serve her as soon as I can just to get rid of her. After she pays:

Customer: “You should say sorry!”

Me: “It’s not like I could control traffic.” 

I told her the information as I knew it and that stuff like this was out of our control. A bad start to a bad day, and it was only getting worse…

Related:
Not So Closed Minded, Part 37
Not So Closed Minded, Part 36
Not So Closed Minded, Part 35
Not So Closed Minded, Part 34
Not So Closed Minded, Part 33

A customer walks up to me wearing what looks like a hastily-home-made eye patch.

Customer: “Do you sell safety goggles?”

Me: “Uh… yes, sir. Let me show you.”

Customer: “Good! I could have used one of these this morning!”

I smile, not knowing if he’s joking or not.

Customer: “Also, do you sell nail guns?”

Me: “Yes. Would you also like some safety gloves?”

Customer: “What for?”

Related:
This Cannot End Well, Part 5
This Cannot End Well, Part 4
This Cannot End Well, Part 3
This Cannot End Well, Part 2
This Cannot End Well

I worked as a ward assistant at a teaching veterinary hospital. Some of the vet students were incredibly book-smart but had never developed any common sense. Then, there was this student.

I was refilling the treatment trolleys in the open-plan treatment area while one of the vet students was cleaning up after a procedure. One of the residents came through making clicking, whistling, and just generally encouraging noises to the very large dog she was leading. 

Student: “Why are you whistling? It’s not a horse.”

Resident: “Oh, he’s blind.”

Student: “Ahhh! He can’t hear you.”

Straight out of university, I took a job from a client who helped me out over the duration of my course. By “helped me out”, I mean that he got me a few leads, so I felt like I owed him somewhat. Due to inexperience and wanting to offer “mates rates”, we both knew that I undercharged him. I worked on the project on and off for about six months, and in that time, I gained more experience and had a better idea of what I should actually be charging — as a rough idea, triple what I had offered him.

Client: “This artwork is fabulous. I couldn’t have asked for more; it’s exactly what we wanted! Now, for the next job—”

Me: “I’m glad you like them, but just to let you know, my rates have changed. Sorry, I doubt I can afford to take on another job at what I offered you last time.”

Client: “Okay, that’s understandable. What’s the price?”

I quoted him a reasonable price — still lower than what I should have done. He started to flip through the artwork again, his expression turning sour, and tossing the pages onto the table haphazardly.

Client: “Really? For this? Do you really think it’s worth that?”