| Longmont, CO, USA | Bizarre, Hall of Fame, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering where your Louisville location is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We do not have a store in that area.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

(Ten minutes later, the phone rings again. It is the same woman.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was just wondering where your Louisville location is. The last girl I talked to sounded like a Taurus, and my horoscope today said I cannot trust one of those people.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’m a Scorpio. You can trust me when I say that we do not currently have a store in Louisville.”

Caller: “You mean [store name] hired a Scorpio? Those are the worst! Have your owners call me when they fire you so that I can finally go back there!” *hangs up*

Acting Cents-less

| Arlington, MA, USA | Hall of Fame, Top

Me: “And how would you like that $500?”

Customer: “In one bill.”

Me: *trying to be nice* “Would five hundreds do?”

Customer: “No! One bill!”

(I give her five hundreds, and she throws them back at me. My supervisor comes over.)

Supervisor: “Problem?”

Customer: “Yes, he refuses to give me what I want.”

Supervisor: “There is no $500 bill.”

Customer: “Yes there is!”

Supervisor: “Not since the late 1800’s ma’am.”

Customer: “I remember seeing it!”

Supervisor: “Then might I say you look great for your age!”


Love A Jedi Shall Know

| Austin, TX, USA | Geeks Rule, Hall of Fame, Top

(I was at work and I saw two girls from my college I knew as acquaintances, but not as much more than that. I had a crush on one of them as she was really pretty and seemed nice for the most part. I watched as she and her friend approached the register.)

My Crush: “No, you’re wrong! I’m telling you, he never said that!”

(I assumed they were gossiping about something until I listened a little more to the conversation.)

Her Friend: “No, he did! He totally did! We watched it last night, stupid!”

My Crush: “Obi-Wan never says, ‘I love you, Anakin’. The line is ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!’.”

Her Friend: “No!”

My Crush: *turns to me* “Oh hey [my name]! What’s up?”

Me: “Not much. I’m good. And you’re right; Obi-Wan’s line was ‘You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you’.”

My Crush: “Oh, my God, thank you!” *turns to her friend* “And you call yourself a Star Wars fan.”

(Her friend scowled, but they paid and said goodbye. I watched as they got to the automatic doors. Her friend pretended to use ‘The Force’ on them. Suddenly, my crush jumped in front of her.)


(I walked over and asked her out. We got married a month ago.)

You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4

| Melbourne, Australia | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can you please help me find the new [brand] MP3 player? The one with the built in paedophile?”

Me: “I’m sorry, built in what?”

Customer: “Paedophile, that thing that keeps track of your footsteps?”

Me: “Ah, yes. That would be a pedometer.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I can say with 100% certainty that none of our products have a built-in paedophile.”

You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Item
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Not The Best Display Of Human Behavior

| Yorktown, NY, USA | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

Customer: “What do you do with the old displays?”

Me: “We keep most of them on display year-round. The rest are usually thrown away if they display old merchandise.”

Customer: “Can I ask a manager if I can just buy the ones on display right now?”

Me: “I can call him if you’d like, but he’s locked in the office right now checking the safe. We’re closing in a few minutes.”

(I call my manager on the office phone but he promptly replies the same way I did: she cannot buy any of the displays.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re unable to sell them to you. Is there anything I can help you with otherwise? We’re closing and my register will be shut down soon so if you’d like to buy anything, now’s your chance.”

(Woman looks at me and walks out the front door. About ten minutes later, I’m counting out the register drawers and my manager calls over the intercom.)

Manager: “Hey [my name], could you come to the stock room when you get a chance? We need you to identify this woman we found in the dumpster stealing our displays.”

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