Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Right | August 7, 2013

(I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

(The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

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Note The Customer Name First:

| Right | August 6, 2013

20130417-055018

Lost In Their Own Translation

| Belgium | Right | August 6, 2013

(My husband and I are from America. We move overseas to Belgium for his job, and make every effort to learn the native language. I am shopping for a computer part, but am tripping over the technical terms. The clerk mercifully switches over to English for my benefit. As he is helping me, a few native men queue up behind me and overhear us.)

Customer #1: *in French* “Such a typical American; expecting everyone to cater to them and their stupid language.”

Customer #2: *in French* “Can’t blame her. This b**** looks too stupid to learn French.”

Me: *in French* “Looks can be deceiving, gentlemen.”

(The customer turns red and quickly wanders off. The clerk is laughing so hard, he has to sit down.)

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No Produce Reduce

| TX, USA | Right | August 6, 2013

(The customer in question is our grocery store’s former produce manager. She was encouraged to ‘retire’, because she was caught raising the prices of the produce so her sales would be better. She has a return and a few items, so I do her return and scan her items to balance out the difference in which she only owes me one cent.)

Me: “Okay, your total is one cent.”

Customer: “That’s not right. The onions are ringing up wrong.”

(I look at my screen, and the onions she bought were ringing up 68 cents a pound.)

Me: “They’re only 68 cents.”

Customer: “They are supposed to be 99 cents a pound! That’s what the sign says.”

Me: “Those are for large onions. You bought medium ones.”

Customer: “Well… I guess I’ll take them for that price, but your new produce manager needs to learn how to price things right.”

(She storms out in a huff, and my manager walks over.)

Manager: “Did she just… want to pay the higher price?”

Me: “Yes… and while you’re here, I’m reaching into my pocket to get the penny that she forgot to pay me for her stuff.”

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Too Much Gravy For The Brain, Part 2

| Scotland, UK | Right | August 6, 2013

Customer: “Could I get the whisky gravy without whisky please?”

Me: “Of course, I’ll ask the chef to make your dish with plain gravy.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want plain gravy! I want the whisky gravy without the whisky!”

Me: “Sir, the whisky gravy without whisky is just plain gravy.”

(This goes on for a minute or two. The customer’s wife turns and whispers to me.)

Customer’s Wife: “Just bring him plain gravy; it’ll take him a while to figure it out.”

 

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