Eating Steak On Rare Occasions

| Scranton, PA, USA | Top

Customer: “I would like the 12 oz. New York Strip.”

Me: “Excellent, sir. How would you like that prepared? There is a description of all of our options on your menu.”

Customer: “Rare! And I mean extra rare! I want the cow to still be mooing on my plate!”

Me: “Alright, sir. We can do that for you. Would you–”

Customer: “I need you to write extra rare! I want it dripping blood. That is how a real man eats steak! That burnt stuff isn’t for real men! Extra rare!”

(This continues for a few minutes, until I assure the customer that I will speak to the manager in order to be sure that his steak is extra rare. I put in an order for a ‘Black and Blue’. This steak is more rare than the usual; the inside is cool and the outside seared. As promised, I tell the manager about the customer’s specific request. After I serve the food, I get flagged down by the customer.)

Customer: “What is this? This is cold! How long has it been sitting there?”

Me: “Sir, I assure you I brought your dishes out as soon as they were finished.”

Customer: “Then what is wrong with your cooks? They don’t bother cooking my food? Why is it cold?”

Me: ”Sir, you ordered your steak to be extra rare. As it explains on the menu, this means that the internal temperature of the steak will be cool.”

Customer: “What is wrong with you people? Who wants a cold steak? I never said I wanted a cold steak! I saw extra rare! That means the middle part is pink and hot! Who can eat this raw cold

Me: ”I apologize for the misunderstanding, sir. I can alert the management and have them make another steak for you.”

Customer: “No! I am not eating anywhere that sells food raw! This is disgusting. You people should be reported! Come on honey, let’s go to that sushi place next door!”

Registrations Require You To Bend Over Backwards

| Addison, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I am entering a software registration key. I do not know how to enter a backwards ‘E’.”

Me: “For a game?”

Customer: “Yes, for registering a game. It’s a product registration number on the manual. A backwards ‘E’.”

Me: “Are you sure it’s not a ‘3’?”

A Day Of Ups And Downs

| Freeport, ME, USA | Uncategorized

Guest: “Excuse me, where is the elevator?”

Me: “Around the corner and to the right, ma’am.”

(The guest walks towards the elevator, stops, and comes back to the front desk.)

Guest: “Sorry, where is the elevator?”

Me: “See where the carpet starts right over there? It’s right after that, ma’am.”

(The guest walks towards the elevator again, stops, and returns to the desk.)

Guest: “Is it in the same place on every floor?”

Mother Needs To Screen Her Son

| Lubbock, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working the front desk, where parents sign their children in every morning. We go swimming multiple times a week, so sunscreen and bug spray are on each camper’s essentials list.)

Me: “Good morning, [camper’s name]! Ready for the pool today?”

Mother: “He is! Especially since I had to buy him new sunscreen yesterday!”

(She looks at me as if, somehow, this is my fault.)

Me: “I’m not sure I follow you, ma’am. I’m sure he had some with him the other day when we went out to the park.”

Mother: “Two big bottles, yes. And could you be on the lookout for them? I’m sure he just left them somewhere around here.”

(Once again, I get the look.)

Me: “He’s lost them, then? I know he put them in his backpack after we got ready for the park, before we left.”

Mother: “They’re gone! I wouldn’t have to keep buying these for him otherwise!

(My supervisor comes over, likely hearing the commotion, as the mother has been getting progressively louder.)

Supervisor: “Good morning, ma’am. Is there something I can help you with?”

Mother: “Yes! My son keeps going through sunscreen and bug spray like nobody’s business! I can’t afford to keep buying this big bottle for him if he’s going to let your entire camp share, or leave them behind!”

Supervisor: “Well, have you looked through his backpack? It’s pretty big, and his counsellor has said that she saw him putting them away just recently.”

Mother: *offended* “I pack my son’s bag for him every day! There’s no way I would have missed them!”

Supervisor: “How about we double check, just to be sure?”

(He kneels down to the now embarrassed son, who has his backpack with him. Sitting on top of everything are the big bottles of sunscreen and bug spray. My supervisor doesn’t even have to dig around for them. The mother turns red, hastily signs her child in for the day, and promptly leaves.)

Video Killed The Emergency Radio Broadcast

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(It is 2005. Hurricane Wilma has just flattened our service area.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Look son, I just got my generator going. Where’s my f***ing cable TV?”

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