Makes You Want To Dye A Little

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

Customer: “You can make color copies?”

Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

(The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

(I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

Misundertanding Basic Printables

| Nevada, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “Can you add a button to that page?”

Me: “Sure, but you need to be more specific. What do you want it to do?”

Caller: “Can it make the user press ‘File’, ‘Print’?”

Me: “Not exactly. I can get it to the print dialog though.”

Caller: “But it can’t press ‘File’ and then ‘Print’?”

Me: “Are you asking for a button that prints the page?”

Caller: “No! I want the button to press the file menu button, then select print for them.”

Me: “This is a website. You want me to control a user’s mouse?”

Caller: “Is that really so hard to do?”

Natural Selection At Work

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I am in concessions and a customer comes up bleeding pretty good.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering where your first aid station is?”

Me: “It is that gazebo right over there.”

(I point to a gazebo about 30 feet away.)

Customer: “Uh…where is it?”

Me: “The gazebo right over there. The hut that has the ‘First Aid’ sign hanging on it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He walks half way over to the station but stops and looks at the hand sanitizer on a post for a couple seconds but then comes back.)

Customer: “Okay, where is this place?”

Me: “It is the hut right over there. It’s about 20 feet away from you.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see it.”

Me: “Would you like me to walk you over there?”

Customer: *pauses to think* “Nah, I’ll just let the chlorine stop the bleeding…” *starts walking away*

Me: “Sir! You can’t bleed like that in a pool!”

A Burning Question

| Sheffield, UK | Sheffield, UK | Uncategorized

(The fire alarm has gone off. The fire department have arrived and the whole building is evacuated. A customer attempts to enter.)

Me: “Excuse me, the store is closed due to a fire.”

Customer: “I only want a couple of things.”

Me: “There is a fire. We have evacuated the building.” *points to scared looking customers and employees*

Customer: “I only want bread an milk.”

Me: “The building is on fire! I’m sorry, sir, but we will be unlikely to serve anyone until tomorrow!”

Customer: “Oh! Does that mean the fresh vegetables are on offer?” *tries to push past me*

Me: “No. Nothing is on offer at all because the store is closed.”

(At this point more customers are arriving.)

Customer #2: “So we can’t even pay? Those people got sent home with their stuff for free!” *points to customers loading their cars with stolen goods*

Me: “No, they have stolen those things. They have been caught on camera, and they will be prosecuted when the emergency is over.”

Customer #2: “Oh, so I can get my stuff for free?”

Original customer: “Does that mean it’s free if we eat it all tonight?”

Me: “No. Wait…what?”

Yes To Dismember, No To His Member

| Leeds, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer comes to the counter with his son with a Grand Theft Auto game.)

Me: “Sir, you are aware this is an 18 rated game?”

Customer: “Yes, I am aware of that.”

Me: “It contains sex.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Violence.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Bad Language.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Drug Usage.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Full frontal male nudity.”

Customer: “He’s bloody well not having this!”

(The customer hands the game over to me and walks out.)