Not Dropping The Charges

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | March 12, 2013

(A customer comes in to return a totally shattered phone.)

Customer: “It’s really cold outside and I was using it and pop!”

Me: “This looks like it was dropped.”

Customer: “I didn’t drop it; it just cracked!”

Me: “That’s not possible.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager.”

Me: “That won’t be necessary.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “That won’t be necessary. Just like me, he is not going to want his intelligence questioned by someone who claims he just saw the laws of physics being broken, at the hands of an irresponsible user.”

Customer: “…fine. I might have dropped it on the ice.”

Me: “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

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It’s Not Spanish, But Just Roll With It

| PA, USA | Right | March 12, 2013

(I am working the self-scanning machines.)

Customer: “I bought two of these Chavra, but it won’t take my coupon. I’m supposed to get 75 cents off of two Chavra, but the self-scan won’t take it.”

(Chavra is a small container of spreadable cheese. When I look at the customers order on the screen, Chavra isn’t listed.)

Me: “You said you got two Chavra?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. See, it’s right over here.” *points to two packages of Charmin toilet paper* “I got two Charmin. ‘Chavra’ in Spanish means Charmin.”

Me: “Ma’am, this coupon is for cheese.”

(The customer takes a long look at the coupon, and then laughs.)

Customer: “I guess my Spanish isn’t what it used to be.”

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Worst Superhero Name Ever

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | March 12, 2013

(I work at the meat/seafood counter of my store. I greet my first customer of the day.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a six lb. rib roast, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Let me go and pass your order on to the butcher.”

(I go back into the cutting room. The butcher says it will take about ten minutes because of the other order he has to fill first. I go back to the counter.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, he can have your order ready in ten minutes. If you want, you can do some more shopping and come back later. We’ll set your order up here on the counter when it’s ready for you.”

Customer: “Are you being a smart-a**?!”

Me: “Um… excuse me?”

Customer: “Are. You. Being. A. Smart-a**!?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

Customer: *in a mocking tone* “Oh, look at me! I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy! I’ll put your order right up here on the counter! Right here, all nice and neat, because I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

Me: “Uh… that’s just what we do, ma’am. If someone places an order we set it on the counter for them to come and pick up when it’s ready.”

(She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen, and stomps away.)

Co-worker: “Welcome to work, Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

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Judge A Sandwich On Its Filling

| New York, NY, USA | Right | March 11, 2013

(A young girl that is about 14 years old walks in. She gets some looks from our other patrons, as she has bright purple hair, multiple piercings, a leather jacket, and ripped jeans. It is freezing outside and she has a scowl on her face that makes me nervous.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [coffee shop]. How may I help you?”

Young Girl: “I’ll take five of the largest black coffees you have, and ten of your ham and cheese sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

Young Girl: “Yeah.”

Me: “Your total is [price].”

(To my surprise, she pulls out a $100 bill. I am suspicious, and I check to make sure it’s real. It checks out, and I give her a bag with her sandwiches.)

Me: “Here is your change. Your coffee will be ready in a moment.”

(I keep an eye on her as she stands around glaring at anyone who looks at her. I see her looking at the tip jar. When I hand her the coffees, she asks me about it.)

Young Girl: “Your tip jar says that the money goes to you guys. Are any of you in college?”

Me: “Yes, I’m going to Rochester Institute of Technology. A few others are in college as well.”

Young Girl: “Good for you.”

(She pulls out the change I gave her and a few more $20 dollar bills. She crams then in the jar and salutes me jokingly before walking out. I am stunned, and chase after her. I find her on the street corner talking to some homeless people and handing out the sandwiches and coffee.)

Me: “Excuse me!”

Young Girl: “I’m sorry, did I forget something?”

Me: “No, but you just tipped us over $100 dollars. You’re also giving away a lot of food.”

Young Girl: “Yeah, my dad is crazy rich. I feel like I can do more if I actually interact with people instead of signing a check to a charity. Every Friday I gather anyone I see who needs a good meal, and buy it for them.” *she smiles brightly* “I may be young, but I can make a difference. I usually hand out flyers for homeless shelters or soup kitchens, too.”

(Without another word, she walks off silently. I didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the week. It goes to show you that appearances aren’t everything!)

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He Is Tea Total

| England, UK | Right | March 11, 2013

(I work in a deluxe cinema, where we provide waiting service in the screen. The trailers are on, and it’s quite loud. I’m serving an elderly couple.)

Me: “And what would you like to drink, sir?”

Husband: “Tea!”

Me: “Is that English breakfast?”

Husband: “No! Tea!”

Me: “Yes, but is that the normal English tea?”

Husband: *sighs heavily* “No! Tea!”

Wife: “He’s asking what kind of tea you want, you tit!”

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