Cut Price Cut-Throats

| MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(It is standard grooming salon policy to make sure the customer is completely satisfied with their dog’s haircut before they leave. If not, we will fix what we can. I am returning a dog to its owner.)

Me: “Here he is, ma’am! Are you happy with the haircut?”

Customer: *examining dog* “Hmm… well… he looks okay except for the hair above his eyes is still a little too long.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to trim it a bit more? It’ll only take a minute.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Okay then, if you’re sure, that will be [price].”

Customer: “But that’s full price! You can’t charge me full price, because the hair above his eyes is too long!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I offered to trim it for you. I can still do that; it’ll just take a minute.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Well then, it’ll be the same price I just told you.”

Customer: “But that isn’t fair! The hair above his eyes is still too long! I want a discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve offered to fix the hair above his eyes for you, but you’ve refused. I cannot give you a discount for something that I am willing and able to fix right here and now.”

Customer: “Well, did I say too long? I meant it was too short! It’s too short! You can’t fix that now, can you!? I want a discount!”

(She proceeded to throw a tantrum for the next ten minutes and only paid up and left when I threatened to call the police on her. Needless to say, she and her dog are no longer welcome back.)

Hats Off To Idiocy

| Charleston, WV, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Holidays, Top

(It is New Year’s day/night. I am working the graveyard shift and I have a pair of friends at the store keeping me company. A customer comes in and is casually walking the aisles. My friends and I continue talking, but I keep an eye on him. The customer heads for the door without buying anything, but I notice a hat rack hanging from the ceiling, swinging wildly.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

(The customer stops by the door, holding his jacket closed.)

Customer: “Yeah?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, and I’m sure I’m mistaken, but would you mind opening your jacket?”

Customer: “Why do you want me to do that?”

Me: “Again, I’m sure I’m mistaken, and I do apologize, but I need to make sure you didn’t forget to pay for a hat.”

Customer: “How dare you accuse me of stealing! I don’t have to do what you say!”

Me: “Sir, if you don’t I’ll have to—”

(At this point, the customer darts out the door. I know we’re not supposed to, but I am angry that this guy would steal from me. I hop the counter and start running for the door. The customer sees me and takes off running. I chase him across the parking lot and start across the street after him when my better judgement kicks in. I go back inside, but am surprised to see my friends laughing really hard.)

Me: “What’s so funny?!”

One Of My Friends: “Dude! His car is right there! Parked outside!”

(I call the police, who arrive and check his trunk. The customer had had a busy night, and had stolen from a few other stores. A cop is taking my statement when we see a woman get in the customer’s car and start it up.)

Cop: *to the woman* “What are you doing?”

Woman: “…Oh, my husband is drunk and forgot that he had driven the car to the store. I’m just picking it up.”

(Sensing an opportunity, the cop slyly smiles at me, before continuing to speak to the woman.)

Cop: “Okay, go ahead…”

(The woman gets in the car and drives off, unwittingly leading the cop to her home. I testified in court a few weeks later.)

Not Suitable For Spanish Fly

| New York, NY, USA | Language & Words, Liars & Scammers, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Two customers, one male, one female, with notable Spanish accents approach. While I’m Caucasian, I’m quite fluent in Spanish.)

Male Customer: “Yes, we’d like to return this coffee maker. It doesn’t work.”

Me: “Certainly. May I see your receipt?”

(The male customer looks slightly taken aback.)

Male Customer: “Oh, uh, we threw that away.”

Me: “Ah, well I’m sorry but the only thing we can do then is give you a store credit.”

Male Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. We’ll find something else.”

Me: “Superb. Just let me check inside and we’ll take care of this.”

(I proceed to open the box.)

Male Customer: “Que? What are you doing?”

Me: “I have to check the product, sir. It’ll only take a moment.”

(The male customer looks increasingly taken aback, and I quickly find out why. While the coffee maker is a model we carry, it has a different brand name printed on it, and the plug is visibly a three prong European version, as opposed to the two prong U.S. version.)

Me: “Sir, are you sure you purchased this in this store?”

Male Customer: “Yes, certain!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m going to have to get my manager. Just a moment.”

(I page the manager on duty, explain what’s happening and then show him the coffee maker.)

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry but we’re not going to be able to credit you for this. You can’t possibly have purchased this here because this is the international version of the machine. We only sell the U.S. version.”

Male Customer: *sputters, then hangs his head* “Sorry, I must have made a mistake.”

(He takes the box back and turns to leave, whereupon the female customer whacks him upside the head.)

Female Customer: *in Spanish* “Oh, no! ‘Americans are all idiots!’ ‘They won’t check if it’s the right item!’ ‘They don’t know about international voltage!’ You are a f***ing disgrace, you know that!? No way is that going back in my luggage for the flight home!”