Losing Faith In Humanity, Bit By Bit

| New Jersey, USA | Technology

(I help set up new computers. I set up a new system for a user last week, and didn’t get to finish because she was out of office. She comes in today looking rather irritated.)

User: “I want all my 64 bits.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

User: “My new computer has Windows 7, right?”

Me: “Yes, it does. Is there something wrong with it?”

User: “You do know that means it uses up 7 bits, right?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

User: “So, I want all of my 64 bits back!”

Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t work–”

User: “Never mind! You’re useless!” *storms out*

Lay Off On The Confundus Charm

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “What did you say?”

Me: “Um, good morning?”

Customer: “I’ll have you know that my morning was not at all good! I woke up to find out that Harry Potter isn’t real and I don’t think I can accept it yet.”

(The customer starts to tear up so I offer her a napkin.)

Customer: *gasps* “Is this my letter from Hogwarts?”

Me: “No, it’s a napkin.”

(She runs out of the store sobbing, leaving her “letter from Hogwarts” behind.)

The Lost And Eaten

, | Kansas City, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Sometimes, customers call the store when their order is wrong. This one was a little bit more special.)

Manager: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I didn’t get my food!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “When I came through the drive-thru, I got my food. But when I got home it was gone!”

Manager: “Let me get this straight. You got your food at the window?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was in your car when you left?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was gone when you got home?”

Customer: “It wasn’t there anymore.”

Manager: “So between here and home, you lost your food? How do you expect us to fix it?”

Customer: *hangs up*

Seats Are All ‘Bout Location, Location, Location

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling Hollywood Bowl audience services. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need help finding my seat on the seating map.”

Me: “Sure, what seats are they?”

Customer: “Okay, well, these seats are in section E, row Z, seat 114.”

Me: “Um, section E isn’t set up that way. The rows go in numbers, and the highest seat in that section is seat 47.”

Customer: “So, I can just go to the box office and they can figure it out from there?”

Me: “I guess so, but that row and those seats don’t exist at the Hollywood Bowl.”

Customer: “Well, these are seats for the Santa Barbara Bowl. Is that the same as the Hollywood Bowl?”

Me: “No. No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Oh, so where’s the Santa Barbara Bowl?”

Me: “I would assume in Santa Barbara.”

Perverted Product Previews

| Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink

(I am a food service specialist in a deli.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a quarter pound of American cheese.”

Me: “How is this sliced?”

Customer: “Don’t show me the slice! And I don’t want a sample, either!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just our policy.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a stupid policy. If I were the manager, I would get rid of that.”

Me: “Well, most people like to see the slice so they can make sure it’s what they like.”

Customer: “What did you say? Most people want to see the slice? Well, that’s just sick!”

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