Pray She Hasn’t Got A Cat Called Tom

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a hamster!”

Me: “Do you have bedding, a cage, and food?”

Customer: “I need all that stuff?”

Me: “Where did you think he would live?”

Customer: *completely serious* “I though I would just feed them cheese and have them live in the hole in my wall like in the cartoons.”

A Stern Warning For Hypochondriacs

| Tasmania, Australia | Uncategorized

(I see a woman sitting in a chair with her head between her legs looking rather ill.)

Me: “Are you alright? Can I help with anything?”

Passenger: “I think I’m really seasick.”

Me: “Oh, well, uh, are you sure it’s not flu or something you’ve eaten?”

Passenger: “No, I’ve never felt like this before. I know I’m seasick.”

Me: “Oh, ok then. I’ll just go see if I can find the medic.”

(I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we hadn’t even untied yet.)

Three Obsessive Compulsives And One Oedipus Complex To Go

| Utrecht, Netherlands | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Student: “I want to get a sample.”

Me: “A sample of what?”

Student: “What have you got?”

Me: “What do you need it for? For class?”

Student: “Yeah, for class.”

Me: “Which class?”

Student: “Social Sciences.”

Me: “I’m not aware of any requirements for that class. Do you have it written down somewhere?”

(The student looks through her bag and produces a piece of paper. She hands it to me.)

Me: “This is an assignment to set up a small psychological experiment.”

Student: “Yes! And I need a sample.”

Me: “Do you mean participants? You want me to get you participants?”

Student: “Yeah, the teacher said about 30 should do. Do they come to my place or do I have to get them from here?”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not how it works. You have to find participants on your own.”

Student: “What? That’s ridiculous! Isn’t it enough that I do all the science?”

Random Encounters

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Top

(A girl orders a cheeseburger and fries.)

Me: “All right, you want that for here or to go?”

(There is a long pause as she very loudly ‘hmms’ and ‘haws’ about this question, until finally:)

Customer: “…sweatshirts.”

More Than Mildly Confused

| Ontario, Canada | Top

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to buy some sausages.”

Me: “Okay. We have about 15 different kinds, so which would you like?

Customer: “What’s the difference between the mild, medium, and hot?”

Me: “You mean in the price?”

Customer: “No, in flavor.”

Me: “One is mild, one is medium, and one is hot.”

Customer: “So, which is the hottest?”

Me: “The hot.”

Customer: “…and the mild is hotter than medium?”

Me: “No. The mild is the least hot, the medium is a bit hotter than that, and the hot has the most pepper.”

Customer: “So the mild is mild?”