Lock Blocked

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(I work at a laser tag centre, which is housed in a converted warehouse. As a party is leaving, I see one of their kids swipe the padlocks off the roller door at the front of the building. After I call the parent in charge, the kid comes back.)

Me: “Hey, thanks for coming back.”

(The kid grumpily slaps the padlocks on the counter.)

Kid: *mumbles* “Sorry.” *he clearly isn’t*

Me: “Er, that’s okay, just… don’t do it again. You mind telling me why you stole these in the first place?”

Kid: “They were just hanging there so I grabbed them.”

Me: “What were you going to use them for?”

Kid: “I dunno, I could go lock s***.”

Me: “You do realise that you would never be able to open whatever you locked, right? Because you don’t have the key?”

Kid: *genuinely surprised* “Aw… didn’t think about that.”

Me: *trying to keep a straight face* “Alright, thank you for your honesty. Go back to your parents…”

Fowl About The Chicken

| LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I’m in the food court of the mall standing in line to get something from one of the food stalls there, one of only two known to serve chicken exclusively. There is a customer in front of me with a meal box from the other stall.)

Cashier #1: *to the customer* “Hi, welcome to [restaurant’s name]! How may I help you?”

Customer: “You idiots screwed up my order!” *thrusts box out at the cashier* “I’m supposed to get fries and coleslaw with this meal but I only have chicken and bread!”

(He sees the box but begins stammering, trying not to upset her by telling her she’s not at the right stall.)

Cashier #1: “I’m so sorry ma’am, but… well…”

Customer: “Fix it! I want my fries and slaw!”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, the box you’re holding has [other restaurant’s name] on it.”

Customer: “I know that!”

Cashier #2: “Would you mind taking a step back and reading the sign above our stall?”

(The customer steps back, almost hitting me, and reads out loud the restaurant’s name.)

Customer: “And? What’s all this for? Fix my order!”

Cashier #2: “Ma’am, you’re at the wrong restaurant. [Other restaurant’s name] is across the food court. They can fix your order.”

(By now everyone in line, including me, is waiting to see if she’ll apologize for getting them mixed up.)

Customer: “You’re all useless!” *stomps off with her food*

Cashier #1: “I tried to be nice, I really did…”

His Translation Is A Sham(rock), Part 2

| Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Top

(I am a customer checking out at a grocery store I shop at every week. There is one customer ahead of me. Paper and plastic bags are 5 cents each.)

Cashier: “Would you like a bag for your items, sir?”

Customer: *unintelligible grunt*

Cashier: “I beg your pardon, sir?”

Customer: *grunts again and waves*

(The cashier starts to put the groceries in a plastic bag.)

Customer: “What?! What the h*** do you think you’re doing?! I said no!

(He starts into a loud, abusive tirade about how stupid the cashier is.)

Me: *to the cashier* “Just tell him ‘Pogue Mahone’ (póg mo thóin). It’s an Irish saying that people say when they want to end an argument.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I know exactly what it means! I read notalwaysright.com!”

Me: *smirks* “Do you really?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes, I do, you stupid b****!”

Me: “Oh? Then why are you acting like a customer who belongs on there?”

(The customer turns bright red and shuts up. He is silent for the rest of his transaction. As he is getting ready to leave, he turns to me.)

Customer: “Any chance this can stay just between us?”

Me: *grins and laughs* “Not a chance in h***!”

Customer: *scowls* “B****!”

(He finally leaves.)

Cashier: “This is going on notalwaysright.com, isn’t it?”

Me: *still grinning* “You bet!”

(She ended up convincing her manager to give me an employee discount on my groceries because I got one of the rudest regulars to shut his mouth.)

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His Translation Is A Sham(rock)