A Boys’ Night (Not) Out

| Alabama, USA | Top

(I’m walking into a gay club opening in the city. I hear this exchange between a bouncer and an obviously straight guy standing outside.)

Guy: “So, what kind of club is this, man?”

Bouncer: “Um, you into chicks?”

Guy: “Huh?”

Bouncer: “Are you into women?”

Guy: “Yeah, man. Yeah.”

Bouncer: “This is not the place for you, then.”

Guy: “Oh…OH!” *runs into parking lot*

More Pressing Issues

| Fayetteville, AR, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

(I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

Customer: “So this just straps around?”

Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

(There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

(I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

Some Were Born To Please

| Panama City, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like the banana bread.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be $1.95.”

Customer: “You have a weird face.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t like your face! I want an apology now!”

Me: “Um…I’m sorry you don’t like my face?”

Customer: “Thank you!” *walks away*

Customer #2: “Well, I like your face.”

When The Not Blind Lead The Blind

| Sydney, Australia | Uncategorized

(I work in a shop with several shelves of vitamins and herbal products. A man walks into the store and straight up to my counter.)

Customer: “Vitamins.”

Me: “What kind are you looking for?”

Customer: “Eyes.”

(He starts to scan the shelves with admirable inefficiency.)

Me: “These ones?”

(I point at the supplements specifically for eyesight.)

Customer: “No.”

(He scans shelves some more.)

Customer: “I can’t see them! You’re useless!”

(He throws his hands in the air and storms out of the store.)

Cordless & Clueless

| Yorkshire, UK | Technology

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cordless phone.”

Me: “No problem, they’re just over here.”

Customer: ‘I’m wanting one without batteries and that you plug into the mains, do you have any?”

Me: “That would defeat the point of a cordless phone wouldn’t it?”

Customer: “No, I had one last time!”

Me: “Was it like this?”

(I show her the corded phones.)

Customer: “Yes! See, a cordless phone you plug in!”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6

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