Well, That Narrows It Down, Part 2

| East Midlands, England, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “What sort of work are you looking for?”

Customer: “Outdoor work, and…indoor work.”

Me: “Could you perhaps narrow that down a bit?”

Well, That Narrows It Down

Might Have To Go Through Alternative Channels

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite tv]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought new equipment. Turn it on for me.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I take down customer’s info. I try to turn his satellite TV on with no success.)

Me: “Sir, is your receiver hooked up?”

Customer: “Yea, it’s plugged in.”

Me: “Is it connected to the TV?”

Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, they make us ask. Is your satellite dish installed on your roof?”

Customer: “Is my what on the roof?”

Me: “Your dish, sir. Is it on the roof?”

Customer: “I don’t have a dish on the roof, but I have over fifty of them in the kitchen.”

Surely Knot Elastic

| Sheffield, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you make curtains to order?”

Me: “Certainly. Do you have your measurements?”

Customer: *pleased with his cleverness* “I couldn’t find a tape measure, so I used this piece of string. The width is from the end of the string to this knot.”

Me: “Sir, this is a piece of elastic.”

Customer: “So?”

(He hands me the elastic string, which I proceed to stretch.)

Me: “Is your window this wide, or this wide, or this wide?”

Jane Ey-re-animation

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s the end of the summer. A high-school aged customer comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for Frankenstein by ‘J somebody’.”

Me: “Actually, that was written by Mary Shelley. We have several copies.”

Customer: “No, it’s written by ‘J somebody’. Look it up.”

(I look it up. It’s definitely written by Mary Shelley.)

Customer: “Hang on, I’ll call my mom.”

(He comes back.)

Customer: “It’s Frankenstein by Jane Eyre.”

Me: “Sorry sweetheart, looks like you have to read two books.”

Customer: “Aw man!”

Ben There, Done That

| Norman, OK, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, ma’am. My name is Ben. I’m calling to tell you about our special offer that–”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “Ben, ma’am.”

Customer: “Ben? Hey, everyone, Ben is on the phone. Ben, are you still having dinner with us tonight?”

Me: “I think you mean a different Ben, ma’am. I’m a telemarketer.”

Customer: “So you’re not in California?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m in Oklahoma.”

Customer: “Well, okay. I’ve got to keep the line clear for the right Ben.”

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