Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet

| Avondale, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work as a cashier at a well-known arts and crafts store. This particular day, it is raining very heavily, which is rare in Arizona.)

Customer: *walking over to myself and other cashier* “Excuse me, it is wet outside. I almost slipped.”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. Are you okay?”

Customer: “Yes, but you need to put a wet floor sign outside so people are aware that it is wet.”

Coworker: “It’s raining, ma’am. I think people know the ground will be wet.”

Customer: “No, they won’t! Because I didn’t!” *storms out the store*

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Silence Is Holy

| Florida, USA | Religion

(I’m a volunteer usher at smaller church. This takes place before mass and there is a man praying in one of the pews. A woman is at the back of the church talking loudly in an outdoor voice.)

Me: “Ma’am, could you please keep your voice down or talk outside?”

Woman: “Why, I never! I am a member of this church! You have no right to speak to me this way!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are being too loud. There are people trying to pray.”

Woman: “Who prays before church starts!?”

(The pastor, hearing our conversation, walks over.)

Pastor: “Good Catholics do. Now, please go outside.”

Woman: “And who do you think you are?”

Pastor: “The pastor.”

Woman: *leaves in a huff*

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Placebo Me, Part 5

| Boonville, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work as a cocktail waitress and this happenes to be on a rather busy night. The customer has only taken one sip of their beer before handing it back to me.)

Customer: “This beer is hot! Go get me one that’s cold. I can’t believe you are serving warm beer!”

Me: “Sir, that beer has been on ice for an hour or two. It still has ice crystals on it. Are you sure it’s warm?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you think I’m lying!”

(I apologize and take the beer back to the bar and refill my tray, never switching out said beer because it’s ice cold. I return to the customer and give him the same beer back.)

Me: “Here you go! Sorry about that. I hope this one is colder.”

(The customer takes the drink and tries it.)

Customer: “This is much better! I hope you don’t have any more of those other beers back there. You should put all those in the back of the cooler!”

Related:
Placebo Me, Part 4
Placebo Me, Part 3
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me

Function Begets Purpose

| Copaigue, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am ringing up a couple of younger woman when one shows me an item.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Do you know if this blends?” *holds up blender*

The Answer To Life, The Universe, And Everything

| Arizona, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

(We greet customers as they come in and answer questions they may have. A man comes in with his wife and comes over to me.)

Me: “Did you have a question, sir?”

Customer: “So what have you heard about woodchucks?”

(I’m completely confused, so I try to just play along.)

Me: “I hear they chuck wood.”

(The customer begins to scowl at me, actually looking offended and disgusted with my answer. He then asks me a few questions about some of our products before heading off to shop.)

Customer: *cryptically* “And you keep thinking about those woodchucks…”

(He returns later and I am the cashier to take care of him. He brings up the woodchuck thing again as he’s about to leave.)

Customer: “I’ve only had one person, this old man—a veteran—answer me correctly. He told me…42.”

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