| VA, USA | Top

(I am working on replacing a computer at a customer’s house. The customer’s mother walks in.)

Me: “Okay, I’m going to look at your video card now.”

Mother: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Looking at the video card.”

(I take off the case to the computer.)

Mother: “What are you doing?! You said you were looking at the video card!”

Me: “I have to take the case off to see it.”

Mother: “I don’t feel comfortable with someone your age working inside my son’s computer.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am a fully certified technician. I’ve built and sold 3 computers in the past week. I will not harm your computer.”

Mother: “I will just get my husband to do it, since he is more qualified.”

Me: “Well, that is fine. For my reference, what are his qualifications?”

Mother: “He fixes our internet when it goes down.”

Solar Power With Extra Flare

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [power company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have solar panels, and I’m moving house. I was just
wondering if you could transfer the power?”

Me: “Oh, you wanted to know if you can take the panels to your new house? You’ll have to contact a solar company for that sir, but I don’t think so.”

Caller: “No. I don’t want to move the panels. Can’t you just move the power from them across? Like, through the air or by cable or something?”

Has The Gall To Ask Those Questions

| Lewisville, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(I approach the family member of a patient we have just operated on.)

Me: “I just wanted to let you know he’s doing fine. We removed his gallbladder and everything went well. He’ll be able to go home today.”

Family member: “Will it grow back?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Family member: “Will it grow back? His gallbladder?”

Me: “No, it doesn’t quite work that way. We had to remove it because it was full of large gallstones that were causing him pain.”

(I show them the x-ray.)

Me: “See here. This is fat, and here’s the gallbladder and gallstones.

Family member: “How’d the fat get there?”

Me: “He…ate too much?”

When Bowels Camembert It Any Longer

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla with guacamole, but no sour cream? I’m lactose intolerant.”

Me: “You do realize that a quesadilla is just cheese in a flour tortilla, right?”

Customer: “I do. You should pray you never have to live in a world where you can not eat cheese without incurring the wrath of your own bowels.”

Storm Of Protest

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I would like to make a birthday reservation for July 12.”

Me: “Okay, we can certainly do that for you.”

Customer: “Before I do that, could you tell me what the weather is going to be like that day?”

Me: “Ma’am, that visit date is over a month away. We don’t have any idea what the weather will be like.”

Customer: “But, I thought you had one of those weather-predicting machines…”

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