When Call Center Levels Reach Their Ceiling

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello. This is [station]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I live in a condo, and there is a leak in the pipes. Water is leaking behind the living room wall and building management won’t fix it.”

Me: “Okay. Why are you calling the police?”

Caller: “Well, it’s an emergency. They won’t fix it. They say it’s my problem because the leak is in my unit.”

Me: “Have you called a plumber?”

Caller: “No. It’s an emergency. That’s why I called you. If the water keeps leaking, the ceiling could fall in.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you think the ceiling is going to fall in, leave your unit and call a plumber.”

Caller: “But I need help now!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s your choice. If you think you’re in danger, leave your unit. Unless you’re being crushed by falling sheet rock, this is not a police matter. Please hang up and call a plumber.”

Caller: “So, if the ceiling falls on me, I can call you back?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks.” *click*

What You Don’t Nose Can’t Hurt You

| Pannawonica, WA, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I get forty cents worth of Chicos?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I start putting gloves on.)

Customer: “Oh, you don’t need to put gloves on.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t pick your nose anymore than I do.”

Take No Account Of This One

| Richmond, VA, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “Are you going out of business?”

Me: “No, ma’am. But we are just about to merge with another large bank. Maybe that’s what you’re referring to?”

Caller: “No, no. I need to know are you going out of business. Is [bank] going bankrupt? Because if so, I need to take all my money out before that happens!”

Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, we’re not. [Bank] is actually doing very well at the moment. Can I ask what gave you that impression?”

Caller: “I went to withdraw funds at your ATM late last night, and it said I couldn’t get any money!”

Me: “Oh wait, the ATM in our drive-thru? That ATM actually did run out of money last night, but we refilled it this morning.”

Caller: “I knew it! You are running out of money! I need to come in and close my accounts right away!”

Me: “I think you misunderstood. We had an unusual amount of withdrawals at that ATM last night, so it ran out of $20s to give out. The bank itself is fine.”

Caller: “You can’t backtrack and fool me! I’m coming in later today to speak with your manager and close out all of my accounts!”

Young And (Alcohol) Free

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: *holding a bottle of wine* “Are you old enough to sell me this?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

(I reach out to take the bottle, but he refuses to hand it to me.)

Customer: “Are you sure that you’re old enough?”

Me: “Yes. I wouldn’t be a cashier otherwise. I’m pretty sure you only have to be eighteen.”

Customer: “Are you eighteen?”

Me: “Nineteen, yes. Would you like me to sell you it?”

(The customer finally releases his hold on the wine. I begin to scan.)

Customer: “Are you sure you’re allowed to? You look pretty young.”

Me: “I’m old enough.”

Customer: “Do I get a discount for calling you young?”

Losing Their Marbles

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

Page 2,027/2,990First...2,0252,0262,0272,0282,029...Last