Daylight Save Me From This Stupidity

| NC, USA | Right | April 21, 2013

(We have a certain time by which all paper carriers should be finished. On weekdays, it’s 6:30 am.)

Customer: “I need to make a complaint about my carrier! She’s late every morning now!”

Me: “I do apologize. Is she delivering after 6:30 in the morning?”

Customer: “Well, no. But ever since daylight savings, it’s light outside when I get may paper!”

Me: “But she isn’t delivering after 6:30?”

Customer: “No, but it’s light outside!”

Me: “But the paper isn’t being delivered later in the morning?”

Customer: “It’s at the same time it always is; it’s just too d*** bright!”

Me: “…well, I’m very sorry to hear that, sir.”

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Weekly Roundup: Health & Body

Not Always Right | Right | April 21, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Health & Body. This week, we share five stories about customers dealing with (and sometimes creating) health and body issues!

  1. Selfish Smokers (8,128 thumbs up)
  2. If The Zits Don’t Kill You, The Angst Will (4,553 thumbs up)
  3. It’s A Perm, Not A Sperm (2,716 thumbs up)
  4. Miss Diagnosis (2,961 thumbs up)
  5. Hollywood, M.D. (2,202 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Window Pains

| MA, USA | Right | April 20, 2013

(A tenant in an office building calls the property management office. It’s autumn, and a bit chilly outside. Not every office in this building has a window, but hers does. Tenants pay more for the larger suites with windows.)

Tenant: “Ever since the heat came on last week, my office has been stifling! Can’t the maintenance do anything?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the office suites do not have individual heat controls. However, I can put in a ticket for maintenance to come and adjust your overhead vent so you don’t have as much warm air coming in.”

Tenant: “Well how long will that be? I’m dying in here!”

Me: “Maintenance is usually able to complete their tickets in a day or two.”

Tenant: “What? He can’t come today? This is completely ridiculous! How do you expect me to work, or see clients? I’m sweating!”

Me: “Well, in the meantime, you could certainly crack a window. It’s nice and cool outside.”

Tenant: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I PAY FOR!”

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The Booger-inning Of A Beautiful Friendship

| Hurst, TX, USA | Right | April 20, 2013

(I’m a customer in line at a pizza place. Most of the employees are Spanish speakers, but for the most part are bilingual. The cashier speaks in heavily accented, broken English, but is very sweet.)

Me: “I’d like a slice of chee—”

(A customer storms up to the counter, and begins screaming.)

Customer: “I ordered my pizza five minutes ago! Why isn’t it ready?!”

Cashier: “It is cooking.”

Customer: “It doesn’t take five minutes to heat up a pizza! I want my money back, and I want my pizza right now!”

Cashier: “It is in the oven; it will be soon.”

Customer: “I can’t understand a word you’re saying! Get me your manager!”

Cashier: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “I can’t understand you! Are you even legal? I can’t believe this place hires w******s like you!”

(I have had enough, and decide to intervene.)

Me: “Ma’am, your pizza is still cooking. They prepare them totally from scratch when you order. Her race has nothing to do with how long it takes to cook pizza, and you owe her an apology!”

Customer: “I don’t have to listen to you, you… you… booger face!”

(She storms off without her pizza, and I got mine for free. The cashier calls me ‘booger-face’ every time I eat there now!)

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Putting The Security Into Social Security

| USA | Right | April 19, 2013

(I work as a collections agent for a major bank in the USA.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [major bank]; my name is Kevin. What can I—”

Customer: “English, ass-h***! Speak English!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m speaking English.”

Customer: “I just want to pay my [other bank’s] credit card. My SSN is [number].”

Me: “Ma’am you are calli—”

Customer: “How you dare to interrupt me! My check account is [number] and my name is [name].”

Me: “Miss, you are calling [major bank], not [other bank].”

Customer: “What?! Who are you? Why are you calling me? I’m going to the police! I want your f****** name, and I want to speak with your supervisor before I go there and shoot someone!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I mute the headset.)

Customer: “What are you waiting for?!”

Me: “I’m waiting for you to tell me why you need to speak to my supervisor. If it was because you called a wrong number and said all you personal info, or maybe because you cursed at me several times, or that you, in a recorded, federal monitored line, threatened to shoot me.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I didn’t say that!”

(I check on the database for her full name with her SSN.)

Me: “Okay, let me put you on hold so I can speak with my supervisor and call the police. Your full name is [full name], right? Your address is [address], and your phone is [phone number].”

(The customer hangs up. I end up having a verbal warning from my boss, along with a free meal from him for “the funniest following-guidelines-call I have ever heard”.)

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