Team Cougar, Part 2

| Memphis, TN, USA | Movies & TV

(I work ticketing at a movie theater. A middle-aged woman and her daughter approach me.)

Customer: “We’d like two tickets to…what are we going to see?”

Daughter: “It’s Breaking Dawn.”

Customer: “I’ve been calling it Sexy Vampires all day.”

Related:
Team Cougar

We Call This A Flirting Faux Pas

, | Shelton, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a new employee at a convenience store. I’m French and my accent is quite noticeable. A regular walks in.)

Me: “Hi, may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, a newbie. I like your accent. French?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “I had a French girl once. I should have never let her go.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: “I know one phrase. Je t’aime. Say it.”

Me: “Okay…Je t’aime.

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means, ‘I love you.'”

Regular: *triumphantly* “I made you say that you love me!”

Me: *speechless*

You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

, | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

(I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

The Devil’s Logic

| Pune, India | At The Checkout

(I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

(I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

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The Freudian Drive-thru

| Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(This is an ice cream shop with a drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, two burgers with bacon.”

Me: “Sir, we actually don’t have burgers…just ice cream.”

(Upon hearing this, the customer looks up to see the burger chain next door.)

Customer: “How did I end up in this line?!”

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