Weekly Roundup: A Wee Bit Of Ireland! This week in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day, we feature five Irish- and Ireland-themed stories!
- His Translation Is A Sham(rock) (1,745 thumbs up)
- In God We Tax (1,153 thumbs up)
- Wherever You Go, There US Are (1,324 thumbs up)
- Brogue On A Dime (5,288 thumbs up)
- The Ire Of The Irish (1,045 thumbs up)
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(Two ten-year-old boys come up to the counter.)
Boy #1: “Hey, would you give us some beer?”
Me: “No, you guys aren’t old enough.”
Boy #1: “Oh, man, they don’t even have any Captain Morgan beer. That’s the best.”
Boy #2: “Whoa, you know so much about beer!”
(I’m a lifeguard at a local pool. My girlfriend stops by on my lunch break. We’re standing near the concession stand when a middle aged woman approaches, dragging a teenage boy behind her.)
Woman: “You! Young man! Front and center!”
Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”
Woman: “While you were standing around flirting with this… this harlot, my baby almost drowned!”
(My girlfriend bursts out laughing, and the woman’s 15-year-old “baby” turns bright red.)
Me: “So sorry, ma’am. I’m not on duty right now, but several other lifeguards are. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from calling other guests vulgar names, though.”
Woman: “I’m just calling them as I see them! Look at how she’s dressed! Those shorts barely cover her butt!”
Girlfriend: *trying to hold in her laughter* “I think I’m going to run, babe. Love you.”
Woman: “Love!? You two are not in love! You’ve known each other for thirty seconds and almost caused my baby to drown!”
Me: *sighing* “Okay, ma’am. I will be back on duty in five minutes.”
Woman: “Okay! By the way, dear, you could do much better than that harlot!”