Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 3

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Right | August 28, 2013

(I work at a gift shop in Canada, just beside the US border, so we usually have a lot of American tourists. Our gift shop is one of the only places in the area that lets a customer perform their transactions in US currency.)

Customer: “Do you take real money?”

Me: *confused* “What do you mean?”

Customer: “Real money!”

(The customer holds up US currency.)

Me: “Oh, yes we take Canadian or American, and we’ll give you American change back if we have some in the till.”

Customer: “Good, you people here are weird about your money.”

Related:
Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 2
Loonie Over A Toonie

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Not Addressing The Problem

| MN, USA | Right | August 28, 2013

(A customer calls in to report problems with their cell phone. I’ve determined it is a network issue.)

Me: “So, I will just need to know the location where you are so that I can tell the technician.”

Customer: “What? I’m not giving you the address! That’s not my job! I just need you to come out and fix it. It’s in Chicago.”

Me: “Well, in order for our techs to know what tower to fix, they need to know where you are having the issues. Without an address, I can’t put in the ticket.”

Customer: “No! I am not giving you the address! I am so sick and tired of this stuff! I had the same problem with [other provider]! You don’t need an address to fix it; you just don’t want to help!”

Me: “I do want to help, which is why I need an address. Even if the system would let me put the ticket in without an address, you’d then be waiting for months for a resolution while we check every tower in Chicago. In order to help, I need to know where to send my techs.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I have a business to run! I don’t have time for this s***!”

Me: “It looks like you have a water-sprinkler company. If one of your customers reported a problem with a pipe you laid, would you go around the entire city checking every pipe, or would you require that customer to give you an address to assist?”

Customer: *huffs* “That is not the same thing, and you know it! Now get someone out here immediately!”

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A Large Intelligence Gulf (Of Mexico)

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | August 28, 2013

Customer: “So, where are you located?”

Me: “In Orlando, Florida.”

Customer: “Ugh! I’m sick of all you foreigners taking jobs from us hard-working Americans!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am an American citizen. Florida is a state in America. Everyone who works in this call center is American.”

Customer: “I’m not stupid! I know Florida is in Mexico! I want to talk to an AMERICAN!”

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A Real Woman Versus Half A Man

| Waterbury, CT, USA | Right | August 28, 2013

(I am in line to purchase books. The cashier is a teenage girl who has somewhat obvious dark upper-lip hair. The customer she is currently serving speaks up.)

Customer: “Is there anyone else who can scan my books?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but the only cashiers we have today are my colleague and myself.”

Customer: “Your manager, then.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; she’s covering in the café right now. They’re very busy as you can see.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not having some hairy bimbo with a moustache touching my books!”

(The cashier looks like she’s about to cry. Having heard his last comment, I look up from reading the back of one of my books.)

Me: “Sir, there’s no need to be rude. She’s just doing her job, and you berating her isn’t helping.”

Customer: “No one asked you!”

Me: “No, but you just happened to have p***** off the wrong person. Do you have a smart phone?”

Customer: “Pssh, who doesn’t?”

Me: “Do me a favor and google ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome.'”

Customer: “That isn’t real.”

Me: “Google it.”

(The male customer takes out his phone and starts searching the internet. By this point, nearly everyone is watching the exchange, and a few people have run for the manager.)

Customer: “It’s some woman thing.”

Me: “It’s a disease caused by an imbalance between the estrogen and testosterone in a woman’s body. It messes with her whole reproductive system, and the increased testosterone can cause excess oil production, a slightly deeper voice, increased body hair and the possibility of a visible Adam’s Apple. Oh yeah, and in extreme cases, it can cause a woman’s body to be more boyishly shaped.”

Customer: “The h***! How would you know?! This s*** makes girls look like Bigfoot!”

(I point to the surplus of blonde hair on my arms, my somewhat broad shoulders, the marks of waxing on my neck, and the very slight Adam’s Apple.)

Me: “You happen to be talking to someone who has known she’s had the disease for the last 10 years. My case is on the line of moderate to severe. It’s treatable, but the only options out there have already nearly killed me once, so I just wax and the rest of me is what it is. Regardless of whether this poor girl has it or not, you shouldn’t just judge people because of a little hair.”

Customer: “So, you’re really a man.”

Me: “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.”

(The customer turns around and sees that not only is the cashier crying, but the manager and security have appeared.)

Me: “Miss, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in your shoes. I got made fun of all through high school.”

(Security takes the guy and disappears. I walk up to the counter and put my books down.)

Me: “I know it was presumptuous of me to throw ‘PCOS’ out there, but the look on your face when he made his comment looked all too familiar. My apologies.”

Cashier: “I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago; it hasn’t sunk in yet. I got my first paycheck from here today and was going to get my lip waxed after work. How did you know?”

Me: “Pretty much the comment he made about your lip. You know, aside from that, I can’t tell at all.”

Cashier: “Really?”

Me: “Really. You are a very lovely girl. There are support groups and such online where you can talk to other women and girls. You’re not alone.”

(The cashier starts crying again, so the manager sends her on her break, and gives me an extra discount on top of my member card to thank me!)

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Doesn’t Bavaria With Distances

| Berlin, Germany | Right | August 27, 2013

Guest: “Hi. So, I am going to go to see Neuschwanstein the day after tomorrow; I am meeting a friend there.”

(Neuschwanstein Castle is 700 km, around 435 miles or at least a six-hour drive from Berlin. I assume he wants to leave Berlin and stay somewhere in Bavaria close to the castle.)

Me: “Great, they tell me it’s well worth the trip.”

Guest: “That’s what I heard. So, do you reckon I could be back here in time for the pub crawl?”

Me: “Um… no, I don’t think so, unfortunately. It’s 700 km from here.”

Guest: “Yeah. That’s only like 100 miles, right? I got a rental car. And you guys have the Autobahn, after all. I reckon it shouldn’t take me more than an hour one way!”

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