Post-Grammatic Stress

| Massachusetts, USA | Uncategorized

(I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “I said have a great day.”

Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

Me: “Have a decent day?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Original Customer: “I heard that!”

Stuck In A Lupe

| Asheville, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello this is [Hotel] how may I help?”

Caller: “Do you have a housekeeper named Guadalupe?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t.”

Caller: “Or Lupe?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “I spent the night with her a week ago and I’m trying to find her. We had a good time. Guadalupe?”

Me: “Is it possible she goes by another name?”

Caller: “No. Guadalupe.”

Me: “There is no Guadalupe here.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hello this is [Hotel] how may I help?”

Caller: “What about Maria?”

Cereally Stupid

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 90 days to return this item, and you bought it over 5 months ago.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”

Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”

Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”

(Not So) Heavy Brain

| Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, welcome to [store]! Anything I can do for you?”

(Customer puts a copy of a video game on the counter.)

Customer: “I’m returning this game; it’s not for me.”

Me: “What didn’t you like about it?”

Customer: “It was the stupidest game ever! I walked around a house for 10 minutes, went to the mall, then my kid died and the credits rolled and it was over!”

Me: “Uh…those were the opening credits.”

Military Intelligence, Part 5

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8 please.”

(The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

Related:
Military Intelligence, Part 4
Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1