Don’t Knock Exit Doors

| Canada | Top

(A passenger is sitting in the emergency exit row. We’re required by law to brief them on the operation of the window exit. One of the instructions is to ‘throw the exit door out’.)

Me: “Do you have any questions for me on the operation of this door?”

Passenger: “Yes, there’s something I’ve always wondered. When you throw the door out, where does it go?”

Me: “It just goes outside. It doesn’t matter where it ends up. Just throw it out and get out.”

Passenger: “Well, what if it hits somebody?”

Me: “You’d be the first one out, so it’s not going to hit anybody.”

Passenger: “What if there’s some guy hiking?”

Me: “Sir, if there’s some guy hiking where we’ve just crash landed a plane, I’m sure he’s got bigger problems than a door hitting him.”

The Day The Music Died, Part 3

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have any really small guitar cases?”

Me: “Not really. We have mandolin cases…maybe a violin case. What kind of guitar is this for?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for a guitar. It’s for the recently cremated remains of my father.”

(I try to stop the conversation from going too dark.)

Me: “No, not really. I could phone around. See if another store has something.”

Customer: “That’s great, just as long as it’s cheap.”

Related:
The Day The Music Died

Educational Programs Have Never Been More Needed

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “[Business library], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, so, I want to know about the educational programs you offer.”

Me: “Oh, okay. That’s actually not conducted through the library. I’ll have to find you the phone number for the coordinator.”

(The caller asks a dozen questions about the differences between the programs we offer. I answer the best I can while continuing to tell him I’ll need to have him call a different number. I put him on hold to find the number.)

Me: “Hi, sir. You’re going to have to call this number and speak to the program coordinator.”

Caller: “Fine, okay. What’s the number?”

(I give him the number.)

Caller: “Okay. Transfer me.”

Me: “Actually, I can’t transfer you because they’re in a different building. But if you want to call the number I gave you, they’d be happy to help.”

Caller: “So, you can’t help me?”

Me: “Not with the information you’re looking for.”

Caller: “What are you again?”

Me: “The librarian.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. You need to explain that to me. Can you also tell me about the educational programs you offer?”

Post-Grammatic Stress, Part 2

| East Midlands, England, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “What date did you arrive in the UK?”

Customer: “Because I am teacher of English as second language.”

Related:
Studying Post-Grammatic Stress
Post-Grammatic Stress

A Fair Degree Of Boredom

| Swansea, Wales, UK | Uncategorized

(I work for my university during the mornings of open days. I take tours and answer any questions visitors have. If you do everything available to you, it’s normally a full day. A mother who has been sitting down with her son for a while approaches me. It’s around 12:30.)

Me: “Hi, is there something that I can help you with?”

Mother: “Yeah, my son has this letter that says he has a meeting this afternoon. Will we be missing anything if we don’t go?”

Me: “Oh, well there is the general introductory talk at 1:00. It is just some information about student life and life in Swansea. But it’s not necessary to attend. I can give you a print out of the talk if you like.”

Mother: “Oh, that would be nice. But this thing this afternoon–is that important?”

Me: “You mean your departmental visit? Well, that’s what most people come to see. You meet lecturers and find out a lot more about the course in the afternoon. Is there some reason that you need leave now?”

Mother: “No, we’re just really bored.”

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