Guess Their Dog Wasn’t Hungry

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I send homework home with my students every week. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious that their parents “help” them by doing it for them.)

Student: “My mom doesn’t know how to do this.”

Me: “No, but you do.”

Student: “Oh.” *turns and walks away*

(The next day, his work was completed.)

Recipe For Disaster

| Vancouver, WA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Top

(A customer comes up to the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind, Sudafed (pseudoephedrine) is controlled in all 50 states as it is used to make methamphetamine.)

Customer: “I need some Sudafed.”

Me: “Did you want Sudafed or [store brand]?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The active ingredient is the same but sometimes they change the inactive ingredients. It still works the same though. Plus, [store brand] is about 5 bucks cheaper.”

Customer: “The recipe said I need Sudafed.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *realizing what she said* “Um, s***. Never mind, I got to go.”

And Tell Voldemort He’s Next

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Geeks Rule

(I work in a toy store in a local mall. One day a man comes in and stands awkwardly to one side for a long while. I realize that something is…off about him, mentally. Finally, he approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Have you seen Bellatrix Lestrange?”

Me: “We don’t carry any Harry Potter toys, but you might be able to find some Harry Potter stuff at Hot Topic.”

Customer: *looking completely serious* “No, I’m looking for Bellatrix. I’ve already killed Malfoy and now I’m looking for that b****.”

One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 4

| Indiana, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like to put in an email address or mailing address to receive coupons?”

Customer: “Sure, I’ll give you my email address.”

Customer’s friend: “No! Don’t give her your email address. People can hack you and track you down and find you with those.”

Customer: “Oh, I guess I can’t do that then.”

Customer’s friend: “Wait, did you say email or mailing address?”

Me: “Either one.”

Customer: “Well, I can go ahead and give you my mailing address then, can’t I?”

Customer’s friend: “I don’t see why not!”

Related:
One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 3
One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2
One Annoyed Paranoid

Over The Hill And Picking Up Speed

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

(An elderly man walks up to my register with his button down shirt unbuttoned nearly all the way and doesn’t seem to care he’s almost not wearing a shirt. After scanning his groceries, he goes to swipe his card on our new machine.)

Customer: “Well, what the Jim Bean is this?”

Me: “Oh, thats our new card machine. You just need to swipe, then sign for it with the pen there.”

Customer: “What will they try to do next? D*** Chinese wantin’ to take over this country. Them and their Mickey Mouse!”

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