Young And (Alcohol) Free

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: *holding a bottle of wine* “Are you old enough to sell me this?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

(I reach out to take the bottle, but he refuses to hand it to me.)

Customer: “Are you sure that you’re old enough?”

Me: “Yes. I wouldn’t be a cashier otherwise. I’m pretty sure you only have to be eighteen.”

Customer: “Are you eighteen?”

Me: “Nineteen, yes. Would you like me to sell you it?”

(The customer finally releases his hold on the wine. I begin to scan.)

Customer: “Are you sure you’re allowed to? You look pretty young.”

Me: “I’m old enough.”

Customer: “Do I get a discount for calling you young?”

Losing Their Marbles

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

Stupidity Just A Stone’s Throw Away

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for the birthstone for May.”

Me: “Well, the birthstone for May is emerald, but we don’t carry any emeralds.”

(The customer walks over and looks in the case. She sees a green stone.)

Customer: “What about this green one?”

Me: “Oh! That’s peridot. That’s the birthstone for August.”

Customer: “Who’s August?”

Zombies Need Life Insurance Too

| VA, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Caller On Line (Number) Two

| Emeryville, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

(There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

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