About To Have A Power Struggle

| Seattle, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. You’ve reached [company]’s technical support.”

Customer: “Hello! My computer seems to be having some issues. I used your software just the other day and suddenly, ah…wait a minute.”

(There is a significant pause.)

Customer: “How do you make it go?”

Me: “The software? Well, you can look for the icon on your desktop, or you can use the search-”

Customer: “No, no! The box! The, the uh, computer!”

Me: “Uh…press the power button?”

(A considerable pause follows.)

Customer: “Liar.”

Taco Bill

| Tuscaloosa, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I pay for my meal in guacamole?”

Me: “I–excuse me?”

Customer: “My wife makes a mean guacamole.”

They Should Read More

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(I sell e-readers at a book store.)

Customer: “How much do books cost in this thin thing?”

Me: “Here’s a list of new releases on the e-reader. This book is $14.99.”

Customer: “Is that hardcover or paperback?”

English And Polish And French, Oh My

| Krakow, Poland | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(Our bakery in question sells the best cupcakes, muffins and American coffee in town. It attracts a lot of English-speaking clients. Therefore, all the staff speaks excellent English. I am standing in line behind an elegant woman in her mid 30s.)

Cashier, in Polish: “Good morning, ma’am. What can I get you?”

Customer, in French: “I’d like a coffee with milk, please.”

Cashier, switching to English: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t speak French.”

Customer, in French: *appalled* “What?! I don’t understand! You’re talking to me in English!”

(She turns to other customers in line.)

Customer, in French: “She’s talking to me in English!”

Me, to the cashier: “I know French. Maybe I could help?”

Me, to the customer, in French: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Maybe I could translate for you? What would you–”

Customer, in French: “She’s talking to me in English!”

Me: “Yes, she is. She doesn’t speak French. Don’t worry, I can translate for you.”

Customer: “But we’re in Poland! And she’s talking to me in English! Isn’t that illegal?!”

The Devil To Pay, Part 2

| TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Alright. Your total is $23.34.”

(The customer hands me $30.)

Me: “Alright. Your change is $6.66.”

Customer: “That’s the devil’s number. I don’t want my change. It’s been tainted by Lucifer.”

Me: “Will it help if I give you an extra penny, or one less?”

Customer: “I don’t want it! The devil’s already marching through the stores.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s just six dollars and some change. If you want, you can buy a pack of gum and it’ll be a dollar less.”

Customer: “That’s just Satan’s way of entering my body because I didn’t heed God’s word!”

(The customer gets on her knees and begins to scream, cry, and pray. My manager comes up as I’m not able to check anyone else out. Everyone else has gone to another checkout because she’s frightened other customers.)

Manager: “Ma’am, you’re upsetting people. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “Your cashier is touched by Lucifer himself! She needs to be baptized in the holy waters.”

Manager: *giving up* “Don’t worry, we have the priests come in every Sunday to bless our shipments.”

Customer: “Oh, well. That’s the Christian thing to do.”

(The customer gets up and takes her groceries. She refuses to take her money. The manager just tells me to keep it so my drawer isn’t over.)

Related:
The Devil To Pay

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