Data Sent Packeting

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Student: “Hi, my computer has been acting up recently. I keep getting this blue screen.”

Me: “Sure, let me take a look.”

(I perform some simple diagnostics and determine that the hard drive is bad. It will die pretty soon.)

Me: “Looks like your hard drive is failing. Since you didn’t buy your computer through the school, we can’t fix it. I would suggest calling the manufacturer. Also, make sure you back up your data as soon as possible. There is no telling when it will die. There’s no way of retrieving the information later if it’s dead.”

Student: “Do you sell external hard drives here?”

Me: “No, but you can get one from these stores.”

(I hand the student a list of stores. Three months later, the student comes back to the help desk.)

Student: “Hi, so my computer turns on but the screen is blank.”

Me: “Looks like your hard drive is dead. You’ll have to replace it.”

Student: “So, can you get my data off the drive?”

Me: “No, we can’t. Did you back up your files?”

Student: “Oh, no I didn’t. I actually remember you telling me to get a back up drive a few months ago. So, can you get my files off the drive?”

Me: “The drive is dead, there’s nothing I can do.”

Student: “So, there’s no way of getting my files now? I can get my friend’s external drive and you could use that.”

Me: “That’s not how it works.”

Student: “Oh. I figured I could just wait until it died.”

Not Remotely Interested

| IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I’m looking for one of those video tape players.”

Me: “Oh, a VCR?”

Customer: *confused* “No, one of those video tape players.”

Me: “Yes, sir. They are called VCR’s. They’re a bit ancient now, but we have one used for cheap. It doesn’t come with it’s manual or remote, if that’s okay with you?”

Customer: “Well, no. That’s not going to work for me. How am I supposed to work your magic box without instructions?”

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 2

| Amherst, MA, USA | Top

(The following written exchange takes place in a log book where users report problems with computers.)

User: “The mouse pointer on computer five doesn’t work. Please fix it.”

Me: “Hello [user]. I was unable to reproduce the problem. The mouse on computer five is working fine.”

User: “Are you insane? The pointer hardly budges when you move the mouse. Fix it, nerd.”

Me: “Sorry but I’m still unable to find any problems with the mouse on PC 5. I cleaned it as a precaution.”

User: “This is stupid. That mouse still doesn’t work! I’ve come here three times and I can’t use the stupid computer. I can’t believe they pay idiots like you to work here. Get a new mouse!”

Me: “Hi. I still can’t find any problems, but I replaced the mouse on computer 5 just for you. Try it now.”

User: “It’s still not working, but forget it. I’m meeting a professor here tomorrow to look at the mouse. I want him to read this and see what kind of idiot is working here.”

Professor: “The problem with Computer 5 is resolved. The user was picking up the mouse and aiming it at the screen. I showed him how to use the mouse pad. Keep up the good work!”

How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse

You’ll Find That In The Aisle Of Non-Existence

| Marietta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the electronics department.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a cable for my computer.”

Me: “What type of cable did you need?”

Customer: “Ethereal.”

Me: “Um, you mean for internet? An ethernet cable?”

Customer: “It’s for internet, but it’s not ethernet. It’s ethereal.”

Me: “Maybe it’s CAT5 cable you need?”

Customer: “No. I said I need ethereal cable.”

Me: “Well, sir. Let me show you what we have.”

(I take him to the ethernet cables.)

Customer: “No, these are much too big. It’s a smaller cable than this.”

Me: “Are you connecting from a phone wall jack, or from a cable or DSL modem?”

Customer: “I have a box, a modem, but this isn’t ethereal cable.”

Me: “No, sir. It’s CAT5 ethernet cable. It will run from your modem to the LAN port on your computer. I’m pretty confident that this is the cable you need to use.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know. It isn’t ethereal.”

Money Makes The World Go Round A Lot Slower These Days

| IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you give cash for games?”

Me: “Yes, what games would you like to trade?”

(The customer lists several games. I give the respective values. The customer then looks at me impatiently for a few minutes.)

Customer: “Oh, so do I need to bring them with me? Or can I just get cash now?”

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