Teeny Tiny Meets Teenage Whiney

| USA | Right | May 29, 2013

(There is a young couple in my check-out line, followed by a handful of teenagers. The man is quite a bit taller than the woman, and he’s fairly muscular and intimidating. She’s very small, and unassuming. The teenagers are making a number of snide, extremely explicit comments to her.)

Teen #1: “D***, baby! You ought to learn how to service more than one man! A pretty little thing like you needs to be trained!”

(The other two teens high-five each other and laugh.)

Teen #2: “Yeah, man! With a fine b**** like you, a real man could find some use for that mouth!”

(She grabs her companion’s arm, and mutters something quiet to him. She then smiles at me as it’s their turn. They put their things on the counter.)

Me: “Hi there. Did you find everything you needed today?”

Teen #3: “Hey! B****! Don’t ignore us! Men are talking; you gotta learn some respect!”

(She smiles at me, but looks slightly annoyed.)

Woman: “Won’t you excuse me?”

(She turns around.)

Man: “Oh, boy.”

Woman: “If you EVER speak to me like that again, you never WILL become the men you’re arrogant enough to think you’ve already become. If you want to be treated like adults, and respected like adults, you act like adults and show other people respect. I feel sorry for your poor mothers. You are pathetic excuses for human beings. Go bother somebody else; come back when you’re ready to behave yourselves!”

(The man starts talking to me.)

Man: “The funny thing is, people think that because I’m physically bigger than she is, they should be afraid of me. Then they see her mad. She’s tiny, but she’s the scary one.”

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Small Wins

| Right | May 29, 2013

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Filing Complaints

| Right | May 29, 2013

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A Badly Drawn Request

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | May 28, 2013

(I work at a theme park as a caricature artist.)

Customer: “Hey, if I get one of these done can you make me skinny?”

Me: “Well, it’s a caricature, so you can have an exaggerated bikini body or something if you like?”

Customer: “Oh, good! Can you make my teeth look better, too?”

(I can see the customer has a gap in her teeth.)

Me: “Well, if you’re sensitive about something like that you could always give me a closed mouth smile.”

Customer: “And could you make me blonde? And maybe a smaller nose?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure you’d want a picture if I altered it that much.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because… it wouldn’t look like you!”

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Self-Service And Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

| UK | Right | May 28, 2013

(I am buying lunch at a local supermarket. I approach the self-service machine, which is clearly labelled ‘CASH ONLY’. An employee quickly comes up to me.)

Employee: “Sir, are you aware this is a cash only self-service machine?”

Me: “Yes, thank you.”

Employee: “And you’re paying in cash?”

Me: “Yes, of course!”

(I am insulted that the employee would see me as such an idiot. But then remembering all of the stories I’ve read and heard, I calmly breathe and look at her.)

Me: “Sorry, I work in retail, too. I know that the general intelligence of the average customer is why those questions are necessary. Don’t worry; I’m one of the good guys.”

(I smile at the employee and she smiles back with a sad look of self pity for industry in which we work.)

Me: “We’ll escape it one day.”

(I am walking away and realise I forgot to buy something. I head back just in time to here a customer screaming.)

Customer: “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS CASH ONLY!? I HATE THIS PLACE!”

(I smile that same sad smile back at the woman, knowing it is going to be a long day for her. Good luck to all of the workers out there, and keep smiling.)

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