Kids Say The @#$%est Things

| New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer comes through my line with a small child.)

Me: “Aww! How old is your son?”

Customer: “He’s 4. Isn’t he adorable?”

Me: “He is.”

Customer: “Say hi to the nice lady.”

Son: “F*** you.”

Me: *shocked*

Customer: “Isn’t he just precious?”

That’s The Stench Of Your Attitude

| Portland, OR, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work at a pet store where people are allowed to bring their pets. Obviously, we expect some pets to have accidents and customers usually are good about cleaning after them.)

Customer: *walks up to my register* “I need to talk to a manager. I have a complaint.”

(I call my manager to the register. While we’re waiting, I try to address the customer’s concerns.)

Me: “He’ll be right up. What’s the matter?”

Customer: “A dog took a dump right in front of me and the owner was cleaning it up. It was disgusting! I almost puked. I mean, does that happen all the time? Because that’s just disgusting.”

(My manager comes up to the register, but she keeps going on.)

Customer: “If this happens all the time, I’m never going to shop here again. This is disgusting, I don’t want to be walking on dog feces and pee.”

Manager: “Well, this is a pet store and we allow pets. Unfortunately, we expect some of them to go to the bathroom on the floor since they can’t really control it.”

Customer: “I’m going to call corporate and file a complaint. This is disgusting. I’m never coming here again!” *storms off*

Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2

| Liverpool, UK | Food & Drink, Math & Science

(When a customer orders water at our restaurant, it shows up on their receipts as H2O.)

Customer: *loudly* “I think you’ve given me the wrong bill. You’ve charged me for H2O. I only had water!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “I want a refund. I’m not paying for something that I didn’t even have!”

(She carries on ranting for a couple of minutes until her friend points out to her in a surprisingly calm way that H2O is water.)

Customer: “Oh, is it?! I thought that was juice!” *slinks out looking embarrassed*

Related:
Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

As Long As They’re Not Foaming At The Mouth

| Iowa, USA | Uncategorized

(As a habit, I always ask customers to make sure they like the weight of their cappuccino, since that is as much about personal preference as drink standards. This particular customer orders an extra dry cappuccino.)

Me: “Does that feel alright for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “This is way too heavy. Just so you know, a cappuccino is a drink made with half steamed milk and half foam. This is just much too heavy.”

(Note: I put just enough milk in her drink to save her shots and no more. It’s 98% foam at this point.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am aware. That is what I made you.”

Customer: “Well, this is too heavy.”

Me: “Would you like me to remake it for you?”

Customer: “No, this will be fine this time. Just remember that for the next time you make a cappuccino.”

Me: “I’ll do that.”

(The following week, she returns and orders the same drink. I make it all foam, no milk at all.)

Me: “How’s that feel for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Much better! You’re learning! Tell your manager they are doing a very good job of training you!” *drives away*

Nature’s Calling, Please Don’t Answer

| Langley, BC, Canada | Health & Body

(I work on a berry farm and we have U-pick on the farm. While working in U-pick, I come across a woman and her son walking in the small wooded area beside one of the strawberry fields.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you walking through the trees here. Are you looking for someone?”

Customer: “Oh, hi. Um, no…we aren’t looking for anyone.”

(She continues to walk away from me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come back to the strawberry field now. This wooded area is actually not on farm property.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. We’ll be quick. My son just needs to poop.”

Me: “Oh! Actually, we ask that you don’t do that here. We have restrooms back at the main building.”

(I point to the building, which is about 20 yards away.)

Customer: *sighs* “Well, alright, but that’s a pretty long way to walk…”

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