(A man in his mid-30’s approaches the register. I notice that he looks a little grumpy about something.)
(It is at this point that I notice that he only has two items to ring up: a 20oz bottle of soda and an enema.)
Me: “How are you today?”
Customer: “I’m holding an enema, what do you think?!”
(I ring him up silently. Poor guy, I hope he feels better!)
Customer: “How do I get these orchids to bloom again, once the current flowers fall of? ”
Me: “If you have more than one orchid, they will cross-pollinate, or ‘mate’, with each other, and they should bloom again.”
Customer: “Mate? I should record that on my computer and put it on the internet!”
(I laugh, thinking he’s kidding. He’s not. He stares at me blankly for a moment before speaking again.)
Customer: “I’m going to pick out the hottest orchids!”
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(This conversation takes place as I approach a table where a woman is sitting with a menu across from her.)
Me: “Hi, how’re you doing?”
Customer: “We’ll take two water lemons. No, watermelons! No, wait, lemon waters!”
Me: *struggling not to laugh* “Alright, ma’am, I’ll be right back with two lemon waters.”
(I work for a company that hosts kids’ parties. One party is coming in just as another is leaving, and in the chaos, a gay couple and their daughter are getting overlooked. At the time, I am the only female on duty.)
Me: “Can I help you, sirs?”
Customer: “We just bought a ball, but we don’t know how to blow it up.”
(I take the family to the pump and show their daughter how to use it. Her dads thank me profusely and one of them makes sure to comment.)
Customer: “That’s proof, Charlotte. If you want something done right, you have to ask a woman.”