Destination Or Bust

, | New Zealand | Extra Stupid

(I work in the call center for a road side assistance company in New Zealand. When members run out of fuel, we can bring it out to them, but they must pay for the fuel.)

Me: “Welcome to road service, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m out of fuel and I’m in the middle of [remote mountain pass].”

Me: “That’s fine, we can find you. Do you have money for the fuel?”

Customer: “Of course not! If I had money, I would have filled-up before I started on my trip, you idiot!”

Persistent ID-10-T Error

| Mesa, AZ, USA | Technology

(I work warranty at a well known cellular phone company. A customer arrives and complains that her phone is not charging. She had come in the previous day with the same issue, and a representative had replaced her phone without troubleshooting her issue.)

Customer: “This phone is terrible! This is the second one and it still won’t charge! I want you to give me a new phone! There is no way I’m keeping this model.”

Me: “Alright, let me take a look and see what might be going on…”

(I troubleshoot the phone for about 15 minutes, but the phone seems to hold its charge just fine. I can see no other issues with the phone, battery, or charger.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the phone seems to be in perfect working condition.”

(She snatches the phone from my hands and grabs the charger cord off the desk, and attempts to plug it in.)

Customer: “See, this stupid cable doesn’t even fit! It’s useless!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not the charging port, that’s the memory card slot.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s still a stupid phone!” *storms off*

Dripular Reasoning

, | Kennebunk, ME, USA | Uncategorized

(I live in a relatively small town and have lived there all my life. Needless to say, I know the place inside out and walk through downtown to get to work pretty much every day.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”

Me: “Of course, if you go–”

Older Man: “Yes it’s downtown right before the bridge detour you can’t miss it!”

Me: “Sir, I believe that’s [coffee shop], not Starbucks.”

Older Man: “No, it’s Starbucks!”

Me: “Sir, that’s [coffee shop]. There’s never been a Starbucks there.”

Older Man: “No, you’re wrong! When exactly did it become [coffee shop]?! Hmm?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s been [coffee shop] for about two years now.”

Older Man: “Well, unless Starbucks left and changed the name overnight, you’re wrong!”

Me: “It didn’t. It’s–”

Older Man: “Right! So it’s Starbucks and you’re wrong!”

Homophones Are Never As Satisfying

| Toronto, Canada | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any copies of Sexadon?”

Me: “Do you mean Sex At Dawn? It’s a bestseller.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure the one I want is titled Sexadon. You know, like the dinosaur of sex?”

(For the heck of it, I double-check our inventory, the Books In Print index, and all the Amazons. There is no book called Sexadon.)

Customer: *disappointed* “Man, I really thought that was the title.”

(In the end, he bought Sex At Dawn, but clearly wasn’t happy about it!)

Related:
Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

And The Thigh Bone’s Connected To The

, | Newport, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll have two wings, one breast, and one side-breast.”

Cashier: “Side-breast?”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast…” *repeats order*

Cashier: “What’s that?”

Customer: “Well, you have the breast, which is the front of the chicken, and the side-breast, which is half of the breast.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do that. We have thighs, legs, wings, ribs, and breast.”

Customer: “No, you have side-breast! I always have side-breast! There it is–those ones there!”

(The customer points to a pile in one of the heating units.)

Cashier: “Oh, you mean rib!”

Customer: “Yes, side-breast!”

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