You’ll Find That In The Aisle Of Non-Existence

| Marietta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the electronics department.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a cable for my computer.”

Me: “What type of cable did you need?”

Customer: “Ethereal.”

Me: “Um, you mean for internet? An ethernet cable?”

Customer: “It’s for internet, but it’s not ethernet. It’s ethereal.”

Me: “Maybe it’s CAT5 cable you need?”

Customer: “No. I said I need ethereal cable.”

Me: “Well, sir. Let me show you what we have.”

(I take him to the ethernet cables.)

Customer: “No, these are much too big. It’s a smaller cable than this.”

Me: “Are you connecting from a phone wall jack, or from a cable or DSL modem?”

Customer: “I have a box, a modem, but this isn’t ethereal cable.”

Me: “No, sir. It’s CAT5 ethernet cable. It will run from your modem to the LAN port on your computer. I’m pretty confident that this is the cable you need to use.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know. It isn’t ethereal.”

Money Makes The World Go Round A Lot Slower These Days

| IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you give cash for games?”

Me: “Yes, what games would you like to trade?”

(The customer lists several games. I give the respective values. The customer then looks at me impatiently for a few minutes.)

Customer: “Oh, so do I need to bring them with me? Or can I just get cash now?”

Land Of The Free Anti-Virus

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m selling a computer to a customer and we include free anti-virus.)

Me: “This computer actually has 6 months of anti-virus installed on it.”

Customer: “Oh, great! What brand is it?”

(I name the brand of antivirus software.)

Customer: “Oh, never mind. I don’t want the computer anymore.”

Me: “Is there a problem with the antivirus or computer?”

Customer: “I don’t want that antivirus on my computer. It was made outside of America. They are going to steal my information.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is very unlikely. If you want, we can uninstall it for you and replace it with a different brand.”

Customer: “It’s too late. It’s already tainted.”

Hope This One Ends Positively

, | Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have a charger for this battery?”

Me: “We have a universal charger, which should work with it. It charges 90% of all batteries.”

Customer: “Could I have one which charges my batteries to 100%?”

Oooooh Dear

| Duluth, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer calls, wondering about his online order that he has placed. I ask him for his order number, but he can’t seem to find it.)

Me: “Your order number will be the number on your packing slip that starts with five zeros.”

Customer: “Oh, I see that now. Do you want me to read off the five zeros, or do you already have that?”

Me: “I already have that.”

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