The Lost And Eaten

, | Kansas City, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Sometimes, customers call the store when their order is wrong. This one was a little bit more special.)

Manager: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I didn’t get my food!”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “When I came through the drive-thru, I got my food. But when I got home it was gone!”

Manager: “Let me get this straight. You got your food at the window?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was in your car when you left?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “And it was gone when you got home?”

Customer: “It wasn’t there anymore.”

Manager: “So between here and home, you lost your food? How do you expect us to fix it?”

Customer: *hangs up*

Seats Are All ‘Bout Location, Location, Location

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling Hollywood Bowl audience services. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need help finding my seat on the seating map.”

Me: “Sure, what seats are they?”

Customer: “Okay, well, these seats are in section E, row Z, seat 114.”

Me: “Um, section E isn’t set up that way. The rows go in numbers, and the highest seat in that section is seat 47.”

Customer: “So, I can just go to the box office and they can figure it out from there?”

Me: “I guess so, but that row and those seats don’t exist at the Hollywood Bowl.”

Customer: “Well, these are seats for the Santa Barbara Bowl. Is that the same as the Hollywood Bowl?”

Me: “No. No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Oh, so where’s the Santa Barbara Bowl?”

Me: “I would assume in Santa Barbara.”

Perverted Product Previews

| Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink

(I am a food service specialist in a deli.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a quarter pound of American cheese.”

Me: “How is this sliced?”

Customer: “Don’t show me the slice! And I don’t want a sample, either!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just our policy.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a stupid policy. If I were the manager, I would get rid of that.”

Me: “Well, most people like to see the slice so they can make sure it’s what they like.”

Customer: “What did you say? Most people want to see the slice? Well, that’s just sick!”

Rounding Down To The Nearest Child

, | Assen, The Netherlands | Family & Kids

(I work in a call center that answers calls from people with broken cars in foreign countries. We always ask how many people are on board of the car.)

Me: “Are there any children in your car?”

Customer: “Yes, four children. One of the children is under four. Three are aged between four and twelve and one is older than twelve.”

Me: “So, you have five children?”

Customer: “No! Four children!”

Me: “But, you just mentioned five children.”

Customer: “Don’t you think I know how many kids I have?”

Customer, to his wife: “Honey, how many kids do we have?”

Customer: “I’m sorry. You’re right, I’ve got five children.”

Destination Or Bust

, | New Zealand | Extra Stupid

(I work in the call center for a road side assistance company in New Zealand. When members run out of fuel, we can bring it out to them, but they must pay for the fuel.)

Me: “Welcome to road service, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m out of fuel and I’m in the middle of [remote mountain pass].”

Me: “That’s fine, we can find you. Do you have money for the fuel?”

Customer: “Of course not! If I had money, I would have filled-up before I started on my trip, you idiot!”

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