Honesty In A Modern Age

| Lakewood, CO, USA | Technology

Me: “Hey, you look like you’re looking for something in particular. What brings you into [store] today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to buy a USB port. Where you guys keep them?”

Me: “So, what is it you’re trying to do? Do you just need a USB hub? Are you trying to get more USB ports on your computer?”

Customer: “No, I just need a USB port. My friend’s trying to get some pictures off her computer.”

Me: “Oh, so you need a flash drive?”

Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I guess it’s been one of those days. I’m sure you’re going to go and tell all your co-workers about this aren’t you? That’s fine, I was an idiot.”

No Country For Old (Wo)men

| USA | Extra Stupid

(I am on the phone helping a woman with her account.)

Me: “Lastly, before we continue, I need some additional information. What is your country of citizenship?”

Customer: “New York.”

Me: “Right, your state is New York. What is your country?”

Customer: “Oh! Manhattan.”

Me: “Manhattan is not a country, it’s an island. What country are you a citizen of?”

Customer: “I’m not. New York. Manhattan. I don’t know.”

Me: “So, you pledge allegiance to the flag of…?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Hold on.”

(I can hear her asking a woman near her.)

Customer: “My friend doesn’t know either!”

A Boys’ Night (Not) Out

| Alabama, USA | Top

(I’m walking into a gay club opening in the city. I hear this exchange between a bouncer and an obviously straight guy standing outside.)

Guy: “So, what kind of club is this, man?”

Bouncer: “Um, you into chicks?”

Guy: “Huh?”

Bouncer: “Are you into women?”

Guy: “Yeah, man. Yeah.”

Bouncer: “This is not the place for you, then.”

Guy: “Oh…OH!” *runs into parking lot*

More Pressing Issues

| Fayetteville, AR, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

(I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

Customer: “So this just straps around?”

Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

(There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

(I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

Some Were Born To Please

| Panama City, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like the banana bread.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be $1.95.”

Customer: “You have a weird face.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t like your face! I want an apology now!”

Me: “Um…I’m sorry you don’t like my face?”

Customer: “Thank you!” *walks away*

Customer #2: “Well, I like your face.”

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