A Cold Case Of Hot Food

| Australia | Food & Drink, Money

(I work in a theme park eatery. We don’t sell drinks with the meals, as you buy them separately. For the meals the drinks are $3, $6 or $9, if not, they’re $4, $10 and $14.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I please get a coke?”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: “I’ll get the large.”

Me: “Sure, no worries. That’s $13.99 for that, thanks.”

Customer: “Excuse me! I just wanted one drink, not two!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. However, those prices we have up there are only for the meals.”

Customer: “That’s false advertising!”

Me: “I understand your frustration. If you look at the sign, it says down the bottom in bold letters that the prices are higher if you only buy the drink.”

Customer: “I don’t give two s****! Get me your manager.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the manager is in a meeting right now. If you want it cheaper you can buy a meal with it.”

Customer: “Fine! Get me a [meal] with that large coke!”

Me: “Of course, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you can make sure it’s the best burger I’ve ever f***** tasted, or I’m coming back and throwing it in your face.”

Me: “I assure you, sir, they are delicious.”

(I get the man his meal and drink. About 10 minutes later he comes back, and asks for a free refill.)

Customer: “Erm… that was quite a nice burger, and I’m sorry for getting mad.”

Me: “That’s okay, sir. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”

Do Not Acid Test God

| East Lansing, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a 24-hour convenience store on a college campus I attend. A man in his twenties comes in at about 4AM. He’s the only one in the store except me, and one of my co-workers.)

Me: “Hi there! How’re you today?”

Customer: “Not bad.”

(He walks over to one of the three aisles in the store before starting to strip down naked. I’m taken aback, and immediately start to call the police, while my coworker attempts to talk the man down.)

Coworker: “Hey, dude, what are you doing? Put your clothes on!”

Customer: “It’s a glorious day! A righteous day!”

(The man, now fully nude, begins to touch his body to the disgust of both of us. He starts rubbing his front up against the ice-cold freezer door.)

Me: “Sir, I’ve called the police. They’ll be here soon; please put your clothes on.”

(The customer mumbles incoherently as he rests up against the door, touching himself very inappropriately. My coworker manages to talk him into getting into his underwear, as the cops arrive and arrest him.)

Cop #1: “What’s your name, son?”

Customer: “I AM GOD!”

Cop #1: “Yeah, okay, son. Let’s go.”

(The cops lead him out into the freezing air in only his underwear. Later in the day, they come back to explain why he did it.)

Cop #1: “Apparently, he was on four hits of acid, and had just left a house party on campus!”

(The customer came in the next day demanding that we return his iPhone that ‘we clearly stole’. We threw him out of the store.)

Polly Want A Manner, Part 2

| VA, USA | Pets & Animals

(I have just entered my vet’s office to pick up medicine for my dog. All is fine until I hear a horrible racket coming from one of the exam rooms. It sounds exactly like a toddler screaming ‘no, no, no, no!’ at the top of his lungs. I’m standing there dumbfounded, but the receptionist and some other customers are laughing.)

Me: “What’s going on?!”

Customer #1: “Trust me, you’ll love this.”

(A few moments later, another woman comes out of the exam room. She has an animal carrier in her hands, and is blushing beet red. The receptionist’s phone rings, and a loud voice comes from the animal carrier.)

Loud Voice: “Pick up ring ring! Pick up ring ring! PICK UP RING RING!”

(The woman starts shouting at the people carrier.)

Woman: “Maggie, quiet!”

(I look in the carrier and see a very angry parrot staring back.)

Woman: “I’m so sorry! I just adopted her from a coworker. I had no idea she did that! She hasn’t uttered a single word since I brought her home. And this was just a nail trim!”

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Polly Want A Manner