Sandwich Privileges Now Revoked

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(A customer has just ordered a sandwich and has moved over to stand near the pickup counter.)

Me: “Medium mocha on the bar!”

Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

Me: “Um, no. Large latte!”

Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

Me: “Still no.”

Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

| Utah, USA | Technology

Caller: “My Outlook isn’t working anymore. When I put my password in, it doesn’t log me in.”

Me: “Are you able to access your email using web-access for our email system?”

Caller: “What’s that?”

(This is forgivable. Oftentimes, professors don’t know that they can access their work email using a website as well.)

Me: “Okay, well, if you just go to [site.domain.edu] and enter your credentials–”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s the URL of the web access client. Just open your internet browser and type it in–”

Caller: “What’s an internet browser?”

Me: “It’s the program you use to access the internet.”

Caller: “What’s the internet?”

Me: *speechless*

A Liberal In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

| Mountain View, CA, USA | Politics

(While I’m working, a woman comes up to rent a liberal leaning movie. In an attempt to make small talk, I mention that I’m not that into politics, but I really enjoy watching Rachel Maddow’s show on MSNBC.)

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “She’s a liberal newscaster.”

Customer: “Oh…well, I’d have to watch 2 hours of Fox just to make up for watching that! I don’t want to get unbalanced!”

A Dick By Any Other Name

| New Jersey, USA | Rude & Risque

Me: “May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “When your order is ready to be collected, we call you by name.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

Me: “Well, give me a name that we can refer to you by.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my name!”

Me: “It doesn’t have to be your real name. I just need a name we can announce over the speaker so you know when to pick up your order.”

Customer: “Why would I respond to a name that’s not mine?”

Me: “Well, give us something that we can call you by.”

Customer: “Then, how would I remember that’s me?”

Me: “You can write it down.”

Customer: “Okay, call me Dick. I’m pretty sure I can remember that. I’ll be holding mine until you call.”

Dumb&Dumberest

| Alabama, USA | Technology

(I work at an IT helpdesk that supports store managers. A manager calls in about problems with their telephone system.)

Me: “Can you tell me what model equipment are you guys are using?”

Customer: “I don’t know what kind it is.”

Me: “Can you read me what the label says on unit?”

Customer: “It says A…T…something in Chinese…and another T.”

Me: “Chinese?”

Customer: “I’m gonna unplug it.”

Me: “No, wait. Don’t–” *call disconnects*

(Since he disconnected his entire telephone system, we couldn’t contact the store and had to drive down to talk to them personally. We ended up having to hire a 3rd party tech to go out and plug that device back in and reconfigure the entire system. Apparently, they don’t have the ampersand in Alabama.)

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