Store Of The D***ed

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can help you today?”

Customer: “Are you a lesbian!?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’ve got real short hair. I heard that women with short hair are lesbians.”

Me: “So, was there anything I could help you with?”

Customer: “You can answer my question! Are you a lesbian or not?!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t feel it’s appropriate for me to answer that.”

Customer: “I don’t want some hell-bound homosexual near me! God will strike you down for disobeying his word!”

Me: “Okay, okay. If you really must know, no I am not a lesbian.”

Customer: “Then why do you have short hair??”

(By this time, my manager, who is male-to-female transgender, walks over.)

Manager: *in their manly voice* “Is there a problem here, sir?”

Customer: “Oh dear lord! You’re not a woman!”

Manager: “Only on paper, sir.

Customer: *runs out screaming* “This place is d***ed! D***ed I tell you!”

Not Down Low On The Download

| Ontario, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have [this game] for PC?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It’s $30. Would you like to purchase it?”

Customer: “No thanks. I just wanted to see how much money I saved by downloading it instead.”

Sweet Candy, Bitter Purchase

| North Dakota, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(The grocery store has an ongoing deal where a gas coupon for 6 cents off per gallon prints at the bottom of the receipt. The minimum purchase is $30 before tax.)

Me: “Your total comes to $29.76 before tax.”

Customer: “It says it’s $30 there!”

Me: “That’s after tax, sir. The coupon won’t print out unless you spend $30 before tax. If you add a candy bar, maybe?”

Customer: “It says $30!”

(He pays for the groceries.)

Customer: “Where’s my coupon?”

Me: “Like I told you, it didn’t come to $30 before tax. I told you that if you add a candy bar onto it–”

Customer: “Well, ring me up for a candy bar and give me my coupon!”

Me: “It doesn’t work like that, sir. It has to be $30 all at once.”

Customer: “You’ve got extra coupons back here, don’t you!? Just give me an extra one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the coupons print at the bottom of receipts. We don’t have them to hand out. They will only print out when you purchase enough items.”

Customer: “Get me a coupon! I have a d*** candy bar!”

Me: “I can refund your entire order and then ring it up again with the candy bar. You’ll get the coupon that way, but your card might show a double charge for a brief period of time.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Do it!”

(I refund his entire purchase and then ring it up again, this time with a candy bar, putting his subtotal over $30. The 6-cent gas coupon prints out at the bottom. Satisfied, the man leaves.)

Coworker: “You know that guy doesn’t even own a car, right? He only has a bike.”

Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

Customer: *already angry by the question* “331!”

Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

Me: “It’s $434.67.”

Customer: “What! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it till we got home!  I read on the internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about  the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill.  Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

(As my manager approaches, she grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

(The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

Manager: “Then I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

Not Suitable For Those Who Can’t Count

| Edmonton, AB, USA | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I work at a theater, and this shift I was in Box Office selling tickets. A customer approaches me who had just got out of a movie.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to lodge a complaint to your manager.”

Me: “She isn’t actually working today, sorry, but if you tell me what you need to complain about, I can make sure it gets passed onto her right away.”

Customer: “I just watched “The A-Team” and it wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. The green people were very blurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry Sir, but there aren’t any green people in the movie “The A-Team”. Are you sure you went into the right auditorium?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? There is only one auditorium in this place!”

Me: “Actually sir, we have five auditoriums, and there are different movies playing in each of them.”

Customer: “Well why didn’t you tell me that! And why was the movie blurry?!”

Me: “Well sir, the only movie we have the green people in it is “Shrek”, and that movie is in 3D, so if you are not wearing the 3D glasses it would be very blurry.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you give me that glasses?”

Me: “You didn’t buy a ticket for that movie.”

Customer: “Well if there is only one auditorium, when does my movie play?”

Me: “Sir, your movie is over. You went into the wrong auditorium.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all your fault!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but how is this my fault?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that there is more than one auditorium!”

Me: “When I sold you your ticket I told you were in auditorium 3.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were stupid. So, can I have a refund?”

Another customer in line: “Get out of line, dumba**!”