I Can Be Anything I Want

, | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

(I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s six.”

See this story as a comic!

Numerical Nincompoops

| UK | Extra Stupid, Top

Me: “Good morning! You’re through to [name]. Can I take your plan number, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have a plan number. What’s that?”

Me: “It’s on your statement and begins with the number ’14’, then a dash.”

Customer: “I’m looking at my statement and there isn’t one.”

Me: “It’s about half way down on the right hand side and begins with ’14’ dash.”

Customer: “There isn’t one. I can see where it says plan type, but that’s it.”

Me: “Okay, it says the plan type on the left. The plan number is just to the right of it, starting with ’14’ and a dash.”

Customer: “There isn’t one. There is no number beginning with ’14’. Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, I’m not calling you a liar, but if it is a statement you are looking at, then I promise it’s on the right side, half way down. It starts with ’14’.”

Customer: “There bloody well isn’t! The only number on here starts ‘1’, ‘4’, and a dash. Can’t you take that?”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take that instead!”

Weighs On Your Conscience And Your Scale

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Food & Drink

(Since it’s my first day, I’m shadowing another employee at the cash register, putting in every order she takes from the customer. An hour in, a woman in her 40s and her husband come in. Note our sugar-free items are advertised as “guilt-free.” )

Coworker: “Good afternoon and welcome to [coffee shop]! What can we make for you today?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like a guilt-free sugar cookie latte and [frozen coffee] with guilt-free vanilla syrup.”

Coworker: *repeating order for my benefit* “So, that’s a sugar-free sugar cookie latte and frozen coffee with sugar free vanilla?”

Customer: *frowning* “No, a guilt-free latte and a guilt-free frozen coffee!”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, a sugar-free latte and frozen coffee. Will that be all?

Customer: “No! No! No! It’s GUILT-FREE! Turn around and read your menu board! GUILT. FREE.”

(At this point I’m scared and just tell the coworker to use the term so she’ll go away.)

Coworker: “Sorry, that’s a guilt-free latte and a frozen coffee with guilt-free vanilla syrup, yes?”

Customer: “YES! Finally!”

(I ring her up and charge her card. Her husband comes to the counter to place his own order.)

Customer’s husband: “I just want a hot chocolate, young lady.”

Customer, to her husband: “You’re fat! Get it GUILT-free!” *smacks him with her purse*

Inexorably Inconsiderate

, | Guelph, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(The customer is four cents short for his order.)

Customer, to friend: “Hey man, do you have a nickel or something?”

Friend: “Yeah man, here.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I’ll just get some out of here.”

(He reaches into the tip jar.)

Customer: “Can I just take out four cents from in here?”

Me: “Um, no. That’s actually our tip jar–”

Customer: “Too late. It’s happening.”

Me: *speechless*

Similar Tool, Different Outcome

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am working at an Arts and Crafts store. I am talking to a coworker when I see an older woman come up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have anything I can use to shave balls? ”

(There is an awkward silence between the customer and I while I process what she is asking her. Finally, she chimes in, elaborating.)

Customer: “Off of sweaters?”

(I realize that she is talking about a device to remove sweater pills, the little fuzzy dots that sometimes appear after washing.)

Me: “Oh! This way please.”

(I take her over to the yarn section and help her find what she is looking for. I walk back over to my coworker.)

Me: “Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for–”

Coworker: “Yeah, it definitely did!”

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