Losing Their Marbles

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(I work at a marble slab creamery. It is a type of ice cream store that allows customers to mix in candies, cookies, etc with their ice cream while it’s kept cold on a frozen marble mixing slab.)

Customer: “Hi there. I was just wondering what the name of this store meant. I never understand these metaphor names.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the name is about as literal as it gets. We mix the ice cream on a marble slab.”

Customer: “Oh, so it’s an allegory.”

Stupidity Just A Stone’s Throw Away

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for the birthstone for May.”

Me: “Well, the birthstone for May is emerald, but we don’t carry any emeralds.”

(The customer walks over and looks in the case. She sees a green stone.)

Customer: “What about this green one?”

Me: “Oh! That’s peridot. That’s the birthstone for August.”

Customer: “Who’s August?”

Zombies Need Life Insurance Too

| VA, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

Related:
Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

Caller On Line (Number) Two

| Emeryville, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

(There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

Good Students Stick To The Books

| MI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need books for my son’s chemistry lab class. No used copies, please. I only want new.”

(I come back bringing a new copy of the book and give it to her. The cover of the book is made out of paper that has a shiny texture.)

Customer: “This book is all sticky! Do you have any copies that aren’t all sticky?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. They are all like that. That’s just how they are made.”

Customer: “Are you sure these are new? They feel sticky! My son can’t have used books. These feel like they’ve been used!”

Me: “The book is brand new. We don’t even sell any used copies of it, because students have to write in it and tear out pages.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m going to look somewhere else for that book. Do you have the books for his other class?”

(I look up the class and all we have are used copies. I bring out the best looking used copy we have and offer it. It looks like it hasn’t been opened.)

Customer: “No, this is used. I can’t buy anything that is used! Someone might have read it in bed!”

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