Can’t Put Her Finger On The Problem

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Right | October 8, 2013

(I work at the touch tank at a local aquarium. We invite guests to dip their fingers in and stroke the aquatic life as they swim past, provided they don’t put in more than two fingers at a time so as not to overwhelm the animals.)

Me: “And over here we have lake sturgeon and blue gill, both native to our own Lake Michigan!”

Guest: “What are these?” *points to starfish tank*

Me: “Those are red knobbed starfish, ma’am. They’re native to the Indian Ocean.”

Guest: “And I can touch them?”

Me: “Absolutely! We only ask that you use two fingers at a time.”

(The guest nods and proceeds to stick her thumb and forefinger into the tank, pull the starfish out, shake the water off it, and place it in her purse.)

Me: “Ma’am! Taking the marine life out of the tank is very dangerous! Please! I’m going to have to ask that you put it back!”

Guest: “But I wanted to take it home.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s a living creature you have there. We can’t just let people reach in and take out our animals!”

Guest: “I only used two fingers!”

1 Thumbs
2,572
VOTES

Get Some Up-Lifted Bras To Go With Shop-Lifted Panties

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | October 8, 2013

(I have just clocked out at work, and I have already changed into my street clothes. I am waiting for a manager to check my bag before I can leave, as is this is store policy. While I’m waiting, I see a customer is stooped low near a table of panties and she has her purse open. I cannot clearly see what is going on, but from experience I assume she is stealing them. She makes for the door when I speak to her.)

Me: “Would you like a shopping bag for those?”

Customer: “Uh… what?”

Me: “Would you like a shopping bag for those panties you just put in your purse?”

Customer: “Oh… I was just… uh… going over to the register.”

(She tries to casually change directions and head back towards the register.)

Me: “Right, well, since you have no intention of paying for them, can I have them back please?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(She looks extremely embarrassed and irritated that she got caught, but she opens her purse and pulls out the biggest wad of panties I’ve ever seen. She shoves them back onto the table.)

Me: “Thank you.”

(I watch her rush out of the door. It is not our store policy to confront shoplifters. However, I am not on the clock and therefore can say whatever I want!)

1 Thumbs
2,078
VOTES

Has Not Registered The Lack Of Pockets

| UK | Right | October 7, 2013

(A customer brings some items to my register and I ring them up. The total is £5.50, and she hands me a £10 note. I’ve come across this scam many times, so rather than putting the customer’s money straight into the register, I always place it on top until the transaction is complete, and put it in the drawer at the last moment. It is summer, and I am wearing a light summer dress with no pockets.)

Me: “Thanks, your change is £4.50, and here’s your receipt.”

Customer: *staring at the money but not taking it* “I gave you a £20 note.”

Me: “No, sorry, you paid with a £10 note. Your change is £4.50.”

Customer: “No! I gave you a £20 note! You’re trying to short-change me!”

Me: *smiling* “You gave me £10. This £10.” *I point at the note sitting on the register* “Your change is £4.50.”

Customer: *red-faced and irate* “Get your manager!”

(My manager is at a desk right behind me, and has heard everything.)

Manager: “Can I help?”

Customer: “She’s trying to steal my money! I gave her a £20, but she’s only giving me change for a £10!”

Manager: *peering into my cash drawer* “Well, the drawer has two £5 notes, and about three £10 notes in it, but no £20 notes. Where exactly is the £20 note you paid with?”

Customer: “Um… she must have pocketed it!”

(The manager steps back, and makes a point of slowly looking up and down at my clearly pocketless outfit.)

Manager: “Right… and where exactly would she have put it?”

Customer: “Er…”

Manager: “Right.” *to me* “Give her the change from the £10.”

Me: “Here you go, £4.50!”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Manager: *to me* “I’ll make you a cup of tea. I think you need it.”

1 Thumbs
2,537
VOTES

A**-hole In One

| TX, USA | Right | October 7, 2013

(I work at a golf course that is situated in a residential area. I am talking to a friend of mine who owns a home on the course when a ball lands in his backyard.)

Golfer: “Move!” *hops the fence*

My Friend: “Hey! This is private property; get out of here!”

Golfer: “No it isn’t; I paid good money to play on this course and I am going to play through.”

Me: “Actually, sir, it is private property.”

Golfer: *not listening* “Why the h*** do you put such stupid obstacles in the way? What kind of course has fences so close to the green?”

My Friend: “It isn’t an obstacle! It’s my fence, and you are in my backyard. Now beat it before I call the police.”

Golfer: “Shut the f*** up; you’re throwing me off my game.” *turns to me* “Shouldn’t you escort him off the course? He isn’t showing any etiquette.”

(At this point my friend gets irritated and has gone into his house.)

Me: “He doesn’t have to show any etiquette; he owns the property. You are the one I will be escor—”

Golfer: “No he doesn’t! The course owns all of this; how stupid are you?”

(My friend comes back with a bucket of golf balls, and dumps them where the golfer’s ball has landed.)

Golfer: “What the f*** are you doing! I’ll never find my ball!”

My Friend: “Good.”

Golfer: “I paid good money for that ball, and you’re stealing it! I am calling the police!”

Me: “It landed in someone’s yard. It is clearly stated in the rule book that a residential area is out of bounds, so he can do whatever he wants with it.”

Golfer: “Shut up! What do you know? You’re just some kid!”

Me: “Sir, please come with me. You are not welcome here anymore.”

Golfer: “No! I can do what I want! I paid good money to—”

My Friend: “I spend all day cleaning up after a**-holes like you that think they can do whatever they want. They rammed their carts into my fence thinking it was a personal cart stopper, and I had to finally shell out $1,500 to buy a new one because it eventually fell down completely.”

Golfer: “I didn’t—”

My Friend: “People like you have stolen my stuff, left their trash in my yard, even though there is a bin right there next to the tee-box. They have killed my dog, and one of you pricks had the audacity to walk into my house and use my bathroom without even so much as asking.”

Golfer: *stuttering* “But the course owns it; I’m allowed to—”

My Friend: “No you’re not. My property line extends another twenty feet past the fence line; you are trespassing. I own this house, this yard, and everything in them.”

(My friend picks him up, and tosses him over the fence.)

Golfer: “That’s assault! I am calling the police on you! I paid good money!”

My Friend: “I don’t give a d*** how much you paid; this is private property and according to the state penal code, I can remove you just like I did.”

Golfer: “I’ll sue! I paid good money!”

My Friend: “Go ahead; I’ll be your lawyer.”

(One of the owners shows up and escorts the golfer off the golf course. He is banned from playing there again. My friend now plays free for his trouble.)

1 Thumbs
3,281
VOTES

Young Customers Themed Giveaway Roundup

Not Always Right | Right | October 7, 2013

Young Customers Themed Giveaway Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

  1. Sea Of Electricity (2,676 thumbs up)
  2. The Bald And The Beautiful (2,403 thumbs up)
  3. Ballerina Rex (2,249 thumbs up)
  4. Although He Uses A Lot Of Ranch (2,609 thumbs up)
  5. Polite Touch (2,607 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Page 1,953/3,883First...1,9511,9521,9531,9541,955...Last
« Previous
Next »