Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

(A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

(I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

The (Percolating) Patience Of A Saint

| Colorado, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I manage a well-known chain coffee location. We had a minor price increase on some items about a month before.)

Me: “Good morning, sir. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Medium coffee.”

Me: “Sure, that will be $2.17.”

Customer: “Two…WHAT?!”

Me: “$2.17?”

Customer: “When did that start? It was two dollars even!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We had a minor price increase about a month ago.”

(At this point, the customer has paid and received his drink and is now holding up the line.)

Customer: “I haven’t stopped drinking coffee in the last month! It’s been two dollars and that’s what it is! I don’t know where you get off charging me more all of the sudden, but that’s just crap!”

Me: “Sir, our prices are set by corporate and we have no control, so I’m sorry if you don’t like the price. I can give you a refund if you don’t want the drink, but the lady behind—”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!! I want this coffee! Look, I’ve already put my face on the cup!”  

(He then emphasizes the point by mashing his mouth into the lid.)

Customer: “…and you have my money! Oh…and you’re ‘Sorry’? Do you know what that means in the dictionary?!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “No, you frickin’ don’t! It means you aren’t worth anything and that’s what I think of this place. It’s SORRY!”

(During this final tirade, he is waving his cup around and it’s apparent that the woman behind him is afraid one of us will be splashed.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize for your confusion. If you don’t like the prices, you don’t need to spend your money here. You have my apology, so please take your coffee and have a great day.”

(He stares at me blankly for a moment and then wheels around and storms out. The woman who was behind him steps up to the counter. Surprisingly, she reaches out to shake my hand.)

Next customer: “I don’t know how you stayed calm during that. He almost hit you with hot coffee! I just wanted to shake the hand of a saint before I got my latte!”

Dodging The Point

| Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m refereeing a dodgeball game at a widely known indoor trampoline park. I am currently watching over a little kids game. The mother of a crying child approaches me.)

Mother: “Excuse me, but why is my son out?! Is he not allowed to play or something?”

Me: “Ma’am, your son was hit with the ball.”

Mother: “What do you mean?! That other kid clearly targeted my son!”

Me: “I’m sure he did…this is dodgeball.”

Mother: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “You have to dodge balls. If you are hit with a ball in dodgeball, you are out.”

Mother: “This is just stupid!” *leaves with her crying child*

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Yes, Master

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

Me: “I would be happy to process that payment for you today. First, could I have the name exactly how it appears on the card?”

Customer: “Master Card.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I am looking for the human’s name that is on the card.”

Customer: “Capital One.”

Me: “No, not that one; the human’s name that is on the card.”

Customer: “I already told you, it’s Master Card!”

Mommy More Melee

| Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Family & Kids

(A female customer who looks to be in her late thirties is at the counter asking about upcoming games releases for her 10-12 year old son, who is looking through the games on display. He runs up to the counter.)

Child: “Mummy, mummy, can I have this game?”

(He hands the 18+ rated game “Dead Island” to his mom, who looks at the back of the box.)

Woman: *disgusted* “You’re not having this! Look, it’s got a man hitting a zombie with an axe on the back! I’ve got no problem with you shooting people, but an axe?!”

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