H2Slow, Part 2

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I’m watering plants in my aisle when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Are these real?”

Me: “Yes they are.” * continues pouring water*

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “I’m watering them, miss.”

Customer: “Doesn’t mean they’re real.”

Related:
H2Slow

When Non-Stick Causes Friction

| New York, NY, USA | Home Improvement, Uncategorized

(A customer approaches me with a pan from one of our non-stick cookware sets.)

Customer: “I need some pots and pans for our new house. However, I’ve heard this Teflon coating can release toxic chemicals into your food.”

Me: “Actually, our vendors did away with Teflon years ago and now use a new, much safer variety of non-stick. What you’re holding in fact would really only present a problem if you were to deliberately damage the cooking surface, say by going at it with a hammer and chisel.”

Customer: “Oh, well I’ll take two sets then.”

(Several days pass, and the customer comes back and dumps everything he’s bought on my counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I know this isn’t really your fault, but I tried using these and the food tastes really funny–like there are still chemicals being leaked into it. I think you’ve been told some dirty lies by your vendors.”

(I take several of the pans out, and find they all have now have either a small ‘D’ or ‘M’ burned into their cooking surface.)

Me: “What happened to these?”

Customer: “Nothing, my family is insistent that we only use one set of pans dairy and the other set for meat so I made sure to label which were which.”

Me: “Didn’t you hear what I said about damaging the cooking surface?”

Customer: “You said that would only be dangerous if I used a hammer and chisel. So I took them to my jewelery store and did it with a laser engraver instead.”

Buffalos In The Mist

| Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for some cheese, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

Me: “Well, we carry over 100 different kinds of cheese. Is there anything that you know about it?”

Customer: “It’s a type of Parmesan cheese, and I think it was made from gorilla milk.”

Me: “Gorilla? Uh, do you mean buffalo?”

Customer: “They’re the same thing!”

Havana Clue What She’s Talking About

Montana, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I have lived in the US for five years, but I still speak with a slight accent.)

Me: “Did you find everything alright?”

Customer: “Can someone else help me, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I want someone who isn’t Mexican to help me. You already took enough jobs, thank you very much.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not Mexican.”

Customer: “Yes, yes you are!” *reads my name tag* “Maria is such a Mexican name!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m Portuguese.”

Customer: “Oh, Mexico, Portugal, Costa Rica. It’s all the same. You come into our country and steal all of our jobs. Just because you’ve hopped the fence doesn’t give you the right to be here!”

Me: “Ma’am, Portugal is in Europe. It’s located next to Spain. We speak Portuguese there. It is impossible to hop across an ocean and into the US.”

Customer: “Go back to Castro then, communist!”

Models Are Always Catty

| Washington, D.C., USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”