Barking Up All The Trees

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(I’m working in a garden center.)

Customer: “Hey, lady! Do you know something about plants?”

(I have a diploma in gardening, and been working here for five years.)

Me: “Yes, a lot actually.”

Customer: “I’m looking for a very specific plant. It’s very unique and it has flowers! And you have to feed it with water also!”

Me: “Okay… can you—”

Customer: “It’s kind of big also!”

Me: “Can you gave me a little bit more specification on that plant?”

Customer: “It has green leaves!”

How To PIN Them To The Crime

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m a customer at a supermarket, in line behind a 30-40 year old woman, along with two other girls who appear late teens or early twenties. One of their items is a wine cooler. The woman points to the alcohol and starts chatting.)

Customer: “I’m getting this for my dog; he loves [wine]!”

Cashier: “Alright, I’ll need to see your companions’ IDs before I can sell this to you.”

Customer: “She hasn’t got anything to do with me; this is mine!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can’t legally sell it to you until I’m sure they aren’t minors.”

Customer: “Well I don’t know who she is. Just let me buy it!”

Cashier: “I can’t; I could lose my job.”

Customer: “Just get your d*** manager!”

(The cashier calls the manager to the register.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Cashier: “This woman came in with these two, wanting to buy alcohol, and went off when I said I needed their ID.”

Customer: “D*** right I went off! This b**** better give me my [wine]. I don’t even know those two!”

Manager: “Well, I’m sorry, but it’s law. I can’t sell it to you.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(She swipes the card, then turns to the younger woman she supposedly doesn’t know.)

Customer: “Put your PIN in!”

Younger Woman: “You don’t need it.”

Customer: “Yes I do; I don’t know it!”

(The very embarrassed younger woman types in the PIN, and the three leave together.)

Me: *to the cashier* “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

Cashier: “All day long.”

Let’s Not Do This One More Time

| Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(We have a large flying saucer in the children’s play area. A respectable looking customer comes over to me as I’m stocking shelves nearby.)

Customer: “Excuse me, why is that flying saucer there?”

Me: “Oh, we have that there for the kids to play in while their parents shop.”

Customer: “No, I mean what is it doing on the ground?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well it’s not called a flying saucer for nothing; it should be flying!”

Me: “Well, I—”

Customer: *singing* “Starships were meant to flyyyyyyy!”