The High Truth

| Davenport, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m busy cleaning the TV displays in the electronics section when a middle-aged customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the bottle brushes are?”

Me: “Sure, they’re over in the infants section.”

(I give him instructions on how to get there and even point it out as I’m the only one in my department and cannot leave my post.)

Customer: “I don’t have kids. Just so you know, it’s not for that.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Customer: “I just need the brush to clean out my bong.”

One Size Wraps All

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Is this unisex?”

Me: “It’s a towel, I don’t–”

Customer: “But is it unisex?”

Me: “It’s a towel set.”

Customer: “I know, but is it unisex?”

Me: “It’s a towel. I’m pretty sure towels are unisex worldwide.”

Customer: “You better be right!”

The Color Is Titillating Pink

| Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work at a novelty store. We sell, among other things, adult “love toys”, one of which is made to look like a tube of lipstick to provide some discretion. A woman in her mid 30s sets one on the counter.)

Customer: “Do you know what color this is?”

Me: “It’s hot pink, ma’am.”

Customer: “Even when you put it on?”

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t really a lipstick.”

Customer: *confused* “Then, what is it?”

Me: “It’s a vibrator, miss.”

Customer: “Oh! Oh my…I don’t think I want this anymore.”

Because Every Day Is A Special Day

| Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

An Electrifying Confection

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

(This happens while I’m setting up a new prepaid phone with a cute little lady.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Go ahead and press the phone’s power button and let me know when it has powered up.”

Customer: “The power? What is power?”

Me: “It’s the button you normally hang calls up with. Looks like a little red telephone.”

Customer: “Ah, I see!”

(A few minutes pass in silence.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you having trouble turning the phone on?”

Customer: “Yes. It doesn’t work. There’s no light.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Check and make sure the battery is pushed in all the way on the back.”

Customer: “Battery? What battery?”

Me: “It came with the phone, in the package. It’s small, black, and has 3 little metal contacts on one end. You need to put it inside the back part of your phone.”

Customer: “I don’t see a battery. There isn’t one in the phone, and there isn’t one in the package, either.”

Me: “You don’t see it? It should have been packaged in a separate little baggie–”

Customer: “OH! That! That’s in my candy dish!”

Me: “Your candy dish?”

Customer: “Yeah! I saw it on table and thought it was a piece of chocolate!”

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