Chalk Is His Kryptonite

| FL, USA | Right | June 24, 2013

Customer: “I also want a pound of Swiss cheese, but I don’t want it sliced.”

Me: “So you’d just like a one-pound block of cheese?”

Customer: “Exactly. Can you do that?”

Me: “I sure can.”

(I take the cheese over to the sandwich station to get a large knife, measure approximately where I think one pound would be, and cut off a block. I put it on the scale, and much to my satisfaction, the weight of the block I cut is 1.005 pounds.)

Me: “Well hey, that was pretty good!”

(The customer looks at the scales.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! How did you do that?!”

Me: “Lots of practice?”

Customer: “No, no, that wouldn’t do it. You must have some kind of supernatural cheese power!”

Me: “Well, I was born on a dying cheese planet, and sent to Earth in a cheese rocket by my parents. Exposure to Earth’s yellow sun gives me cheese powers.”

Customer: “Whoa. Honey, come here! You’ve got to see this!”

(The customer’s wife comes over and listens to the story.)

Customer’s Wife: “Holy s***. Can you do that again?”

(I look over at my manager, who rolls her eyes and gives me a ‘go ahead’ wave. I cut another block off the Swiss cheese and weigh it. It comes up to 0.995 pounds.)

Customer’s Wife: “Jesus Christ!”

(She grabs the arm of another passing customer.)

Customer’s Wife: “You’ve got to see this! This guy is Cheese Man!”

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t give away my secret identity. The cheese villains of the world would hunt me down.”

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More Than You Bargained For, Part 5

| IN, USA | Right | June 23, 2013

Customer: “Just this DVD please.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $5.35.”

Customer: “No, I found this in the $3 DVD bin; it’s $3!”

(There are two DVD bins, one for $5 DVDs, and one for $3 ones. All DVDs have a sticker clearly showing their price.)

Me: “Well, sir, it could have been placed their by another customer, but it is still $5.”

Customer: “That is bull-s***! I don’t care what another customer did! I found it in the $3 bin, and I want it for $3!”

Me: “Sir, if you found a $3 DVD in that $5 bin, would you pay $5 for it?”

Customer: “F*** no! That’s stupid! Why would you—” *light bulb goes on* “—well, this is still bull-s***!”

Related:
More Than You Bargained For, Part 4
More Than You Bargained For, Part 3
More Than You Bargained For, Part 2
More Than You Bargained For

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Weekly Roundup: Mobile Madness!

Not Always Right | Right | June 23, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Mobile Madness! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about customers and their cellphones!

  1. At Least It’s Hands-Free Now (2,146 thumbs up)
  2. Hit A Wall With This Caller (2,818 thumbs up)
  3. Daddy Meets Miss Demeanor (2,019 thumbs up)
  4. This Phone-y Claim Doesn’t Ring True (1,938 thumbs up)
  5. A Rude A-Blabbering (2,212 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Weekly Roundup: Mobile Madness!

, | Not Always Right | Right | June 23, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Mobile Madness! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about customers and their cellphones!

  1. At Least It’s Hands-Free Now (2,146 thumbs up)
  2. Hit A Wall With This Caller (2,818 thumbs up)
  3. Daddy Meets Miss Demeanor (2,019 thumbs up)
  4. This Phone-y Claim Doesn’t Ring True (1,938 thumbs up)
  5. A Rude A-Blabbering (2,212 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Jeepers Creepers

| Retail|Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Right | June 23, 2013

(A customer approaches my register. I begin her transaction, as well as make small talk.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Customer: “Do you have prosthetic eyes? My husband makes them and, yours just look so real!”

Me: “No, ma’am. My eyes are real.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yep, my eyes are really real.”

(She turns deep red, but tries to laugh it off. We finish her transaction, and she leaves very quickly.)

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