Fruit Is But One Food Group

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I work in a standard gas station: there are few healthy things and lots of unhealthy things. As it is summer, we sell a lot of ice cream products. A family of three approaches me register and the father places ice cream bars on the counter.)

Father: “Just these, please.”

Me: “All right. Was there anything else you needed?”

Mother: “No, thanks.”

Boy: “Mommy! Can I have this?”

(The boy, about four, proceeds to show her a container of sliced fruit that we have.)

Mother: “Nuh-uh, put that back. You’re not getting that.”

Boy: “But Mommy! It’s delicious! I’ll eat it!”

Mother: “Put that back now! You have to eat your ice cream bar first!”

(The boy continued to beg for the cup of fruit until he’s forced to leave the store with his ice cream bar.)

Stupidity As Clear As Sierra Mist

| Columbia, MO, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at the student dining hall on a busy Thanksgiving dinner as a supervisor. A student walks up with a glass of ice in hand.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but your Sierra Mist is out.”

Me: “Oh, no problem, ma’am. Let me go downstairs and I’ll take a look.”

(I walk downstairs and check the soda dispenser. The Sierra Mist is half-empty, but still functional. I tell her it should be fine. She comes back ten minutes later.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I asked you to fix the Sierra Mist and it is still not fixed.”

Me: “Ma’am, I just checked it and it’s full.”

Customer: “You’re lying. It isn’t working at all.”

(I walk over to the dispenser and place a cup underneath the Sierra Mist and out pours clear, bubbly Sierra Mist.)

Me: “See, ma’am? It’s just fine.”

Customer: “No! It’s clear! See? It’s clear! The bottle is green. Sierra Mist is green!”

So Good It’s Not Even There, Part 2

| Essex, UK | Technology

Customer: “I need a printer cable.”

Me: “Just a regular power cable?”

Customer: “No, not one of those. One to go from my printer to my laptop.”

Me: “Oh, you mean a USB cable?”

Customer: “Yeah, a USB cable, that’s it. That is wireless, yeah?”

So Good It’s Not Even There

The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

| Nashville, TN, USA | Uncategorized

(Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She had never given incorrect change for the year she worked there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back 5 minutes later.)

Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Well–”

Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

(The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3
The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
The Joy Of Sex(ism)

Has A Problem Espresso-ing Themself, Part 2

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m making a marshmallow latte at the pick-up end of the counter. The customer watches me as I make the drink.)

Customer: “Is this my mocha?”

Me: “It’s your drink, but it’s not a mocha. A mocha is a latte with chocolate. This is a latte with caramel and marshmallow. I can add chocolate if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want chocolate. I just want my mocha!”

Me: “I can’t give you a mocha without chocolate. I think you mean latte. This is a latte.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a latte! I want a mocha! You understand?”

Me: “Would you like me to make you a mocha instead of this, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t want a latte, and I don’t want chocolate. I just want espresso with steamed milk, caramel, and marshmallow. Just like I ordered!”

(By this point, the drink has been done for a while, exactly as described.)

Me: *staring at drink for a second* “Here’s your mocha.”

Customer: “Finally! Thank you!”

Has A Problem Espresso-ing Herself

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