Wake Up And Sell The Coffee, Part 2

| Riverside, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m ringing up customers when I suddenly have a severe allergic reaction to something I ate on my break twenty minutes ago. By severe reaction, I mean my entire body is quickly becoming covered in hives in the span of about 30 seconds.)

Customer: “Hey, can you hurry up? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

Me: “Sorry, I think I’m gonna have to get someone else to finish
helping you.”

Customer: “No! I’m late and I need you to finish ringing me up right now!”

Me: “Uhh…” *passes out*

(As I am coming to, I can hear the customer still yelling.)

Customer: “No, you can’t help me! I know he’s faking it and I’m not leaving until he rings me up!”

Related:
Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

Mess Up The Ketchup And She’ll Mess You Up

| Memphis, TN, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Okay, ma’am, a number 3 with a root beer. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “No, that’ll be all, but do me a favor.”

Me: “Alright, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Don’t put any ketchup packets in my bag.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be sure not–”

Customer: “You better not! I can’t eat ketchup! They piss me off!”

Ugly Advice From An Ugly Soul

| New York, USA | At The Checkout

(I’m skinny, tall, and with long hair. My boyfriend is also my coworker. He’s chubby, short, and his head is shaved. While ringing up a woman, my boyfriend passes by me at the end of his shift.)

Woman: “Was that your boyfriend?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “My goodness, you deserve much better than that. You look like a model and don’t belong with that awful looking junk!”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

Woman: “I highly advise you to dump him. My friends and family always say I give the best advice and none of them have ever regretted it.”

Me: “Ma’am, could you drop the subject? I’m trying to ring up your
groceries and there’s a line behind you.”

Woman: “Alright. I’ll have a talk with you some other time.”

(So far, this woman hasn’t come back. Hopefully, she never will.)

This Domain Is Not In Your Dominion

| Boston, MA, USA | Technology

(The company I work for is in the business of hosting websites. I receive a call from a customer who is having trouble logging into his control panel.)

Customer: “I can’t login to my website.”

Me: “What’s your domain name?”

Customer: “[username]@yahoo.com.”

Me: “That sounds like an email address to me, not a domain.”

Customer: “That’s my dominion.”

Me: “Your domain name should be something like www.[sitename].com.”

Customer: “Right, it’s [username]@yahoo.com.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a domain name.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s my dominion!”

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Dubya Dubya Dubya Dot Duh

The Avocado Monologues

| Sydney, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I am stacking the oranges, which is next to the shelf of avocados. A very well-dressed woman in her 40s comes over and starts feeling the avocados while talking to herself loudly.)

Customer: “Wouldn’t you just hate to be an avocado?”

(The woman continues feeling up the avocados.)

Customer: “Hmm. You know what? That’s actually my biggest fear. Becoming an avocado.”

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