Interested In Ply-Red, Not Blood-Red

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am working one day, repackaging some glass bottles of beer where one had shattered, and am knocking off the shards of glass with a safety knife. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hello, I am wondering if you could help me find some three ply red napkins. You have three ply in other colors.”

Me: “I’m sure we do; I’ll just check the system to find a shelf location and see if we have any in stock.”

(As I go to put down the bottle I am holding, a shard of glass embeds itself in my hand.)

Me: “Agh! Sorry, bear with me one second.”

(I pull the shard out.)

Me: “Okay, so, three ply red right?”

Customer: “Sorry, were you helping me, or were you busy tending to your own business? Jesus, I’m here to spend my hard-earned cash, and you can’t even give me the time of day!”

Doctors Of The Caribbean

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work at a General Practitioner’s Surgery, and I am taking phone calls from patients.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I book a appointment to see one of the doctors this morning?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no available appointments with the doctors today. We offer a triage service; if the triage nurse believes so, they can get you a appointment today, is this okay?”

(The customer says something, but I cant make it out.)

Me: “I’m sorry but the line seems to be terrible today; can you repeat what you just said?”

Customer: “Oh, sorry, that’s because I’m on a boat in the Caribbean.”

(I’m slightly confused at this point, thinking I misheard her.)

Me: “Can I just check that you said you were in the Caribbean?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m on a cruise, but I’m not feeling well, so I want to see [doctor’s name] today. Can I have an appointment to see him in the next few hours?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cant offer you a appointment with the doctor today, due to all routine appointments being taken, and the fact you will not turn up to the appointment here, as you are hundreds of miles away out of the country.”

Customer: “But I’m not feeling well! I am a registered patient at your surgery, and I want to see the doctor right now!”

Me: “As I just said, I cant offer you a appointment that you have no way of turning up to.”

Customer: “THEN MAKE HIM COME TO ME!”

Me: “The doctors do try their best to help all patients as needed, but I am afraid asking them to fly over to you in the Caribbean at such short notice is not a feasible option. I suggest you seek the help of the medical facility on board the ship.”

Customer: “Oh… I didn’t think of that. But when I get back, I’m going to come to the surgery and file a complaint.”

It’s Crazy Season(ing)

, | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer has ordered a poutine, two large fries with seasoning and a rooter through the drive thru. My manager has informed me that it will take three minutes to cook up enough fries to fill the order, so I go to the window ask her to park her car while she waits.)

Me: “Hi, so there going to be three minutes to cook—”

Customer: “You forgot one of my drinks.”

(Her order was for only one drink, but I just pour her another drink rather than argue.)

Me: “There you go; sorry about that. It will just be three minutes for your fries—”

Customer: “Can I get some ketchup packets too?”

Me: “Sure I’ll put some in the bag. If you could—”

Customer: “Can I get them now?”

Me: “Here you go. So if you just want to—”

Customer: “Can I get some more?”

Me: “Sure. If you’ll go pull up in front of the building—”

Customer: “Can I get a container of seasoning too?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go ask the kitchen for a container of seasoning. While I’m waiting, my manager gives me a puzzled look and glances meaningfully at the drive thru timer; I just shrug and grimace. The customer looks inside the container when I give it to her.)

Me: “Okay, so here you go. If you’ll pull up in front of the building, we’ll bring&mdash”

Customer: “Can I get a lot more seasoning?”

Me: “Sure.”

Coworker: “She’s not gone yet?!”

Me: “She wants more seasoning first.”

(My manager’s just shaking his head.)

Me: “So here you go. Just pull up and we’ll bring you—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

(The customer drives through. At this point, she’s been sitting at our window for over two minutes, so her food is ready very quickly. I hand her the order out in the parking lot.)

Me: “Alright, so there’s your poutine, and two large fries. Sorry about the wait. Have a—”

Customer: scowls* “I hope no one spat in this!” *rolls up her window and drives away*

Me: “—nice day.”