Gramps Grumps

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Old man: “MEAN!”

Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

Kicking Off Over A Kicking Off

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

(I am cashing out a couple who is buying a laptop and some anti-virus software. We have a deal; if you purchase a computer, your anti-virus will be free for six months or $20 for one year. One of the store managers is coaching me.)

Me: “So, would you like six months of free anti-virus or one year for $20?”

Customer: “The guy back there told us it was $17!”

Manager: “No, it is actually $20.”

Customer: “SO HE LIED?!”

Manager: “Seems like he did.”

Customer: “I’M GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND KICK HIS A**!”

Manager: “Go ahead.”

(The customer, her husband, and I are all taken aback.)

Customer: “…Really?”

Manager: “Actually, let me go get him.”

(My manager leaves my register, and heads to our computer department. The customer’s wife is now laughing while the husband starts to sweat.)

Customer: “Is he coming back? I was just joking! I still want the one year. I’m sorry! I was just joking!”

(The couple quickly pays and leaves before the manager comes back to my register.)

The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

| USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(A customer is buying furniture to be delivered and assembled by our tech.)

Customer: “I have cats, so whoever you send over must not be allergic.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure he’s a vegetarian, too.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “He has to have brown hair, and an earring, but no tattoos. He needs to be good at sports.”

Me: “I don’t think we can do all that.”

Customer: “He needs to know a language other than English.”

Me: “You’re just kidding, right?”

Customer: “Yes. Just stick with the no cat allergy request.”

Me: “Alright then.”