Fully Booked, Literally

| North Carolina, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

(An older gentleman comes in. I get his ID and other information and begin the check-in process. After I’ve entered everything and tell him that the total is ~$90, he shows me a coupon in a book that he was hiding behind his back.)

Customer: “I’d like to use the coupon in this book to get the room for $57.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have a limited number of rooms we are able to sell at that rate. Do you happen to be a member of AAA or AARP?”

Customer: “No, and I want the room at this price! If you’re not going to give it to me for this price, don’t print it in the d*** book!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. I see you’ve never stayed with us before. I can give you a first-time discount, which would bring the price of the room down to $65.”

Customer: “You will give me the room for $57.99 like it says in the book! Get a real job! Loser kids…” *mumbles*

Me: “I’m a college student and I work full-time.”

Customer: “I don’t give a d***! F*** you!” *throws book at me*

(I duck just in time. The book hits the wall behind me.)

Me: “Have a great night, sir!”

The Gauntlet Has Been Phoned

| Worcestershire, UK | Uncategorized

(An irate caller is being very nasty and swearing at me down the phone.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you carry on talking to me like that, I will terminate the phone call.”

Caller: “Go on, then. I f***ing dare you.”

Me: “I would like to carry on this conversation calmly, but I will terminate the phone call if you carry on swearing at me.”

Caller: “I f***ing dare you.”

Me: *hangs up*

Desperate Drive-Thru-Wives

, | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

(I’m presenting at the drive-thru of a well-known franchise. A van full of women in their 30s and 40s pulls up. I hand them their drinks and proceed to make small talk with them while waiting for my runner to finish assembling the meal.)

Me: “So, it’ll be just a moment and your food will be ready!”

(As I talk to the driver, she pulls a weird, thick, peach-colored item from her bag. She and her friends start laughing.)

Driver: “Oh, that’s fine, honey! Take your time!”

Me: “Haha, all…right…”

(Suddenly, I realize what the item is. It’s a phallic-shaped pen.)

Me: “That’s…um. That’s an interesting pen you have there, haha!”

Driver: *waving it around* “Oh yes, isn’t it?”

Me: “Er…yes! Here’s your food! You have a good day, now!”

Driver: “Oh, I don’t think this is big enough, but I’ll try!”

(All the women in the van laugh as they drive off.)

Me: *speechless*

It Never Hurts To Quadruple Check

| Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

Me: “Good morning, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a large tea, with cream and sugar on the side.”

Me: “Okay, just to clarify, the cream and sugar are both on the side?”

Customer: “On the side means it’s not in the cup.”

Me: “Okay, so they’re both on the side?”

Customer: “ON THE SIDE MEANS THEY’RE NOT IN THE CUP!”

Me: “Okay, so you have cream and sugar on the side.”

Customer: “I DON’T WANT ANYTHING IN THE CUP!”

Me: “Okay, so you have a large black tea with cream and sugar on the side. That will be [price], and you can pick your tea up at the end.”

(I go make the drink, get the cream and sugar on the side, and give it to the customer.)

Me: “Okay, one large black tea with cream and sugar on the side.”

Customer: “So, there’s nothing in the cup, right?”

Me: *speechless*

As Easy As 2-1-3

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer in the self-serve copy area calls over for help.)

Me: “What is it that you need help with?”

Customer: “I don’t know how to make double sided copies.”

(I see that he has two single sided sheets.)

Me: “Okay, so first, put your pages in the feeder, face up. Then, under double sided copying, we’re going to select 1 sided to 2 sided.”

Customer: “No, it should be 2 sided to 1 since we have 2 pages and want to make 1 page.”

Me: “No, the numbers tell the copier how many sides the paper is, not how many pieces of paper you want. We have a single sided original and we want to make a double sided copy. 1-2.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “No, it’s 2-1.”

(The customer presses 2-1 and hits start. The copier scans both sides of this single sided originals and charges him for 4 copies instead of 2.)

Me: “Wait, no–”

Customer: “Yes, see? I was right!”

Me: “No, look…you weren’t.”

(The customer picks up his copies to see 4 pieces of paper, two of which are blank.)

Customer: “Hey, they came out wrong.”

Me: “Yep, because the setting was supposed to be 1-2.”

Customer: “Can I get a refund for them?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because you asked me for help. When I told you how to do it, you didn’t listen to me.”

Customer: “But they came out wrong!”

Me: “They came out wrong because you used the wrong setting after I told you what the correct setting was. I’m sorry, I can’t refund you.”

Customer: “So the setting is 1-2 then?”

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