Cart Thief

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | June 28, 2013

(I am helping a customer load a large item into their truck. They will need twine to secure their large kennel.)

Me: “Okay, I will be back with twine.”

(When I come back out, I see that they have used my cart rope to secure their load.)

Me: “You can’t use that; I need it to push carts.”

Customer: “It’s okay; we’ll bring it back.”

Me: “No, I need it to push carts.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager.”

(I get my manager.)

Manager: “We have twine; the cart pushers need that to push their carts.”

Customer: “Twine isn’t as good though.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; I cannot claim liability. That is a device to secure carts; you cannot use that to safely secure loads. Please give it back.”

Customer: “Okay, fine!”

(I go to get my rope, but the customer just drives off! The next week is really busy, and we’ve run out of carts. This leaves the customers having to wait for cart pushers to bring back carts, or to go into the parking lot and find it themselves. We cannot send more than three cart pushers, because we do not have enough rope. I see the same customer waiting while I am taking a break.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you! There are no carts! This is no time to stand around while people are waiting. How come you guys don’t know to send more people!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’ve been pushing carts for two hours, and I need to stay hydrated. And besides, someone, if you remember took our rope. Therefore, we can only send three people out to carts.”

(The customer doesn’t know what to say. He gives me a dirty look, and starts to walk away. He runs into my manager.)

Customer: “Your employee is accusing me of stealing your ropes! You guys are so incompetent! You can’t even get your s*** together and get carts!”

Manager: “I told you last week to not take our ropes. Get out of my store; I don’t want to see you here anymore.”

(The customer kicks a cart on the way out and speeds off. As he does, I can still see he hasn’t unloaded the kennel, and it’s still secured with the rope.)

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Color Me Surprised

| Hanover, MD, USA | Right | June 28, 2013

(I work in the copy center of a large chain store. A couple comes in and ask for a copy of an ID card, and social security card. I make the copy, and bring it over to the counter where they are standing.)

Me: “Here you go. Does everything look alright?”

Customer: “Oh wow, you can print in color? I didn’t even know you could print in color!”

Me: “Yes, we can.”

Customer: “Wow, so is it the paper?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Like, is it the paper that makes it print in color?”

Me: *a little baffled* “No… it’s actually the ink.”

Customer: That’s crazy! It looks just like the real thing!”

Digging A Conversational Hole A Rabbit Could Fit Into

| Germany | Right | June 28, 2013

(I am checking out a young couple’s weekly groceries. I overhear their exchange.)

Girl #1: *puts massive pack of batteries onto the conveyor belt*

Girl #2: “Wait, that’s really expensive! What do we even need batteries for?”

Girl #1: *glances nervously at me* “They’re for the TV remote.”

Girl #2: “Oh, I didn’t realise the batteries in the remote had run out. Do we need that many though? I mean what else do we have that even uses batter— Oh…”

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The Idea Has No Silver Lining

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Right | June 28, 2013

(I work in a jewelry store that makes it’s own jewelry. Because of this, we can do custom jobs and jewelry repair. We get some crazy requests, things from witchcraft to erotic.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! I’d like to get a custom piece made. I have the design and everything!”

Me: “Alright. Can I see it?”

(The customer hands me a large wingnut. The kind you buy in the hardware store for a quarter.)

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I need about a dozen of these made, in silver!”

Me: “You realize this isn’t very practical, and will be expensive, right?”

Customer: “Oh, no! It’s a wonderful idea! That’s why I’m giving it to you! You can produce them, and you’ll make enough within a couple of months!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t think that’s true.”

Customer: “But I’m giving you the idea, and you can just pay me back by giving me a dozen of them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll have to charge you about $100 to produce each one of these. I’m not giving you $1200 for this idea. I know it will not sell. If you want me to make them, I need to be paid, in cash, in full.”

Customer: “It’s a great idea! You’ll be sorry you passed it up!”

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Life Is Stranger Than The Fiction Section

| SC, USA | Right | June 28, 2013

Me: “Sorry, you can’t check this out.”

Patron: “Why not?”

Me: “You have three overdue books.”

Patron: “Is there anyway you can let this slide?”

Me: “Nope.”

(The patron proceeds to take off her shirt.)

Patron: “How about now?”

Me: “No. Please put on your shirt before I call the police.”

(The patron then takes off her pants, pulls aside her underwear, and soaks the floor. It is carpet, so there is a lot of damage. My coworker calls the police.)

Patron: “Now will you let it slide?”

Me: “No.”

Patron: “F*** you!”

(She goes over to a shelf, puts her back against it, and pees all over. It splashes up and ruins several books. She also defecates, picks up one of the books, tears out several pages, and uses it to wipe. The police arrive, and she calls her boyfriend, who is apparently in another section. He pleads with the police to let her free, but they don’t let her. He then adds to the mess that his girlfriend has already made. The police take him too. Later, we find another section that is completely ruined. That must have been where the boyfriend was.)

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