I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 4

, | Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am shopping at a store I used to work at and am approached by several customers before I realize I am wearing the same blue/khaki colors as in their uniform. I am trying to find something when I am approached by an angry lady.)

Customer: “The TV you sold me isn’t working!”

Me: “I don’t work–”

Customer: “You have no idea what you’re talking about and sold me a horrible TV. I demand to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Fine, go find him.”

Customer: “Really? Is that how you’re going to handle this? Fine, I will!”

(I go back to shopping but watch her walk around to find my former manager. She returns with him in tow.)

Customer: “He’s the one that sold me the broken TV last week, and now he’s being rude. You need to do something about him.”

Manager: “Ma’am, he hasn’t worked here in almost a year. He–”

Customer: “I want him fired.”

Manager: “Uh, okay, you’re fired.”

Me: “Cool, see you later, man.”

Customer: *smug, evil look*

Me: *goes back to shopping*

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 3
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 2
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here

No Jellyfish, But Maybe A Few Sharks

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “So, I heard you guys are switching to a salt water pool?”

Me: “Yes, we are going to be switching over in the next month or so.”

Customer: “You mean salt, like in the ocean?”

Me: “Yes, we use the same salt that’s found in the ocean, sodium chloride. A machine uses it to generate the chlorine that keeps the pool chlorinated.”

Customer: “So, since you’re pumping in water from the ocean, are there gonna be jellyfish in the pool? Because I really don’t want jellyfish in the pool!”

The Window To The World Wide Nothing

| Sweden | Technology

(One of our users calls me. She is having problems logging on to her web mail.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I can’t get into my e-mail!”

Me: “What browser are you using?”

Customer: “The Internet.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you look at the Internet you are watching it through a window. What is written on the top border of that window?”

Customer: “No! I am not looking at a window! I am looking at the internet!”

AA: Angry Alcoholics

| Burlington, VT, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “Hello, ladies! How are you today? May I get you something to drink?”

Customer: “No, nothing to drink. I don’t drink. Just a sweet tea, please.”

Me: “Our iced tea is unsweetened. I can bring sugar with it, or if you like, we can make you an Arnold Palmer–”

Customer: *angrily* “I told you I don’t drink!”

Me: “Ma’am, an Arnold Palmer is iced tea mixed with lemonade.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll try that!”

Worldly Spiritualism, Earthly Needs

| Kansas, USA | Bizarre

(I have been helping a 50-60 year old woman find a specific type of pen.)

Customer: “You know why I came to this [store]? I came here because of your energy. I am your guardian angel.”

Me: “Oh…um, okay.”

Customer: “I sense great things from you. You are a fifth level Warrior goddess.”

Me: “Thank you?”

Customer: “I’m serious! You are Cleopatra reincarnate. Prince Albert reincarnate. Queen Elizabeth, the good one. You have an amazing energy!”

Me: “That’s pretty awesome.”

Customer: “You are a warrior goddess! Since I am your guardian, I can give you guidance, is there anything you want to know?

Me: “I’m really okay.”

(She then takes her Native American style beaded necklace and puts it on my forehead.)

Customer: “You are now blessed!”

Me: “Thank you. Do you need anything else?”

Customer: “Where are the padlocks?”

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