Conveniently Ambiguous

| West Branch, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(The store I work at has an unfortunate name that, although not intended, sounds very “adult”.)

Me: “We go all out at [store]! How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounding concerned* “Yes, hello. I was just looking over my husband’s credit card bill and I saw a charge to [store] from a few months back. I was wondering…what kind of a business are you?”

Me: “We are a convenience store, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh, good, thank you! You have a fantastic day now.”

Man, in the background of the call: “I told you!”

Role-play In Everyday Life

| Onley, VA, USA | At The Checkout

(I am working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a lot of school supplies.)

Me: “Let me guess, you’re a teacher, right?”

Customer #1: “Guilty as charged.”

(We start talking about teaching as I’m bagging her merchandise. Another customer starts unloading her cart onto my conveyor.)

Customer #2: “Hey! Can you guess what I am?”

(I take a look at her items. They are all fresh produce, fruits, and veggies.)

Me: “I…uh…”

Customer #2: “I’M A RABBIT!”

Caution: Density May Vary With Temper

| Los Angeles, CA, Los Angeles, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(A customer comes up to my register and orders a pint of mint chip. All of our pints and quarts are hand scooped.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your ice cream. Anything else?”

Customer: “No.”

(The customer pulls out a small scale and weighs the pint.)

Customer: “This weighs 17.8 ounces! A pint of water weighs 18! I will not pay for this!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Can I get you a new pint?”

Customer: “No! This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Ma’am, would you like to talk to my manager?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “Hello, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Are you guys trying to f***ing rip me off? This is grossly under weight!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but ice cream weighs less than water because there are air bubbles in ice cream. Wwe hand scoop our pints so while we put forth the biggest effort, we are not perfect.”

Customer: “F***! I don’t care about air bubbles. This is a f***ing rip off!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry. What can I do to fix this?”

Customer: “Give me more f***ing ice cream! That’s what you can do!”

Manager: “Okay.”

(I quickly scoop her a couple cups of mint chip. She pays for the pint and storms off.)

Also In Sync, In Demand, In Stock, And In Waves

| Rice Lake, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [store]. This is [name].”

Caller #1: “How much is it to rent a movie?”

Me: “It all depends. Which one were you thinking of?”

Caller #1:Insidious.”

Me: “That’d be $3.96. That’s with tax.”

Caller #1: “Okay, thanks.” *hangs up*

(About thirty seconds passes before the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [store]. This is [name].”

Caller #2: “How much is it to rent Insidious?”

Me: “That’s gonna be $3.96, with tax.”

Caller #2: “Okay, how much is that?”

Me: “That’s the price. $3.96.”

(There’s about ten seconds of silence before I ask if anyone’s there. I hang up after no response. Thirty seconds later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [store], this is [name].”

Caller #3: “Hey, how much is it to rent Insidious with tax?”

Me: “$3.96.”

Caller #3: “Okay, thanks. We’ll be right in!”

Me: *confused*

Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

Me: *speechless*

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