A Softened Approach To Mathematics

| Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

(She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

The Long Line Of The Law

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Top

(I’m a police officer in full uniform. I stop in a local store and notice a loud customer ahead of me in the line.)

Cashier: “Sir, you haven’t paid for that. If you leave the store, it’s stealing.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You did something with my card; you took my money! I’m leaving with this stuff.”

Cashier: “No, the order was cancelled for insufficient funds. You left to get another card; the whole order needs to be rescanned.”

(I realize that the loud customer hasn’t seen me yet. I excuse myself from the line, and move behind the irate customer as he starts mouthing off to the cashier.)

Me: “Sir, you need to calm down and let the lady do her job. She’s trying to help you as fast as she can.”

Customer: “Man, f*** you. Who the f*** do you think you—”

(He turns around to look at me, and immediately goes all sheepish.)

Customer: “Sorry, officer.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought so.”

(The customer calms down, and is out of the store in five minutes. It’s a shame that some people will not act civilly unless they’re given a friendly reminder that there are consequences for acting like a turd.)

Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes, Part 2

| IN, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(I work in the shoe department of a retail chain. I notice two customers walking through the aisles; both are wearing extremely shabby shoes.)

Me: “Hey guys, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Nah, we’re just looking.”

(I walk away. Moments later, I see both guys heading towards the front door. This time, one is wearing a pair of sparkling white, brand new shoes. Knowing exactly where those shoes are in the department, I find a box containing the customer’s dirty sneakers. I grab the box and chase them down as they’re walking out to the parking lot.)

Me: “Hey guys, did you forget something?”

Customer: “Um… no? What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, if you’re going to steal shoes, don’t you at least want to keep your old ones?”

(I open the box to show him.)

Customer: “Oh, steal? No, I was just going to pay for them.”

Me: “I get it. You thought the cash registers were outside? That’s a common mistake! I’ll escort you to a check-out line.”

(I’ll give the customer credit; he did pay for the shoes. He probably didn’t enjoy them as much, since he didn’t get them for free.)

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Planning To Walk A Mile In Another Man’s Shoes