Lightning Fast Sarcasm

| Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

Guest: “And when will that be?”

Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

Has The Drive To Cheat And Lie

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Love/Romance

(I work in a car insurance call center.)

Customer: “Oh, the policy isn’t in my name.”

Me: “May I speak to the policy holder to get permission to speak to you and add you to the policy?”

Customer: “No, she’s not speaking to me.”

Me: “Okay, well that just means I am unable to give you any information or make any changes for you at this point of time.”

Customer: “But it’s my car! She just took me off all the policies after I cheated on her.”

(I have no idea what to say.)

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just call back and pretend I’m her.” *click*

Deaf To Reason

| USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

(I am taking orders face to face with a tablet. There is live music and a ton of people, so it’s loud. Customers constantly cannot hear me, so I start out most interactions with a strong, loud voice.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh, a turkey sandwich?”

Me: “All right! Did you want the large or original size?”

Customer: *louder than me* “You don’t have to yell!”

Me: *lowers down to a normal volume* “Sorry, ma’am, did you want the big or small size?”

Customer: “Huh?” *leans down close to hear me*