I Can’t Hear Myself Think

| Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(It’s late at night, right before closing, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Auto-Parts Store], can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I bought a car stereo from you all a few month ago, and I didn’t really like it so I gave it to my son.”

Me: “OK.”

Caller: “Well, he didn’t like it either, so he gave it to our neighbors across the street.”

Me: “OK.”

Caller: “Well, they put it in their car and right now it’s sitting in their driveway with the doors open and they’re playing their music really loud!”

Me: “Yes…. well what do you want me to do?”

Caller: “I need you to come over here and tell them to turn it down!”

Hugh Do You Think You Are

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Funny Names, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: *wrapping up the call* “Thank’s very much Hugh! Was
there anything else?”

Caller: “And what was your name? Oh Emma, right.”

Me: “My name is Uma.”

Caller: “Yuma?”

Me: “Like Uma Thurman.”

Caller: “Oh, like the actress? Are you as pretty as she is? Do you look like her?”

Me: “No. Do you look like Hugh Grant? Or Hugh Jackman?”

Caller: “Try Hugh Hefner.”

When Bygones Mean Bi-Gones

| Kentucky, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Me: “You’re not from around here are you?”

Customer: “Nope, I’m from Canada.”

Me: “Oh cool! Do you speak French?”

Customer: “Yup, I’m bilingual.”

Other Customer In Line: “Down here, if something’s bi, we shoot it.”

Cause And Defect

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Guest: “How much for one of your hotel rooms?”

Me: *gives price*

Guest: “How about if I only pay [another price]?”

Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t do that. We’re almost sold out and I can’t reduce room rates when we’re almost sold out.”

Guest: “Do you really think you’re going to sell this room anytime tonight?”

Me: “Yes, I will. I’m the only hotel in the area with rooms left and other hotels are sending their overflow guests to me. I’ll sell this room in the next half hour.”

Guest: “Oh come on!”

Me: “Plus there’s a concert tonight and I’m getting a lot of concert go’ers coming in to get a room.”

Guest: “But the concert is over! I just came from the concert myself!”

Me: “And here you are!”

Sketchy Ballots

| Bloomfield Township, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Politics, Uncategorized

(I am an election inspector for the 2010 Primary Election.)

Customer: “Why isn’t there a Tea Party choice on the ballot? I don’t want to vote Democrat or Republican!”

Me: “Ma’am, only the Democratic and Republican parties are having a primary.  You can’t vote for the Tea Party. You can choose not to vote the partisan section of the ballot, if you wish.”

Customer: “Well, how about if I just draw a big teapot on the ballot?”