Be Civil To The Civilians

| USA | Military, Top

(I am a female officer-instructor, in line at the on-base convenience store. I am in my civilian clothes. Behind me are two soldiers in uniform that I recognize as new students in my latest class.)

Soldier #1: “Man, why do they let civs shop here?”

Soldier #2: “I don’t know why they even let civilians on base, you know? Unless they’re clerks or some s***; gotta have someone run the till.”

Cashier: *winks at me* “So, lieutenant, how’s the instructor life treating you?”

Me: “Oh, same old.”

(I look back at the two soldiers with my best ‘I will make you do push-ups until you throw up’ death glare.)

Me: “…some of my new students are going to take a lot of work.”

(Both soldiers turn pale and run out. The clerk laughs so hard she starts wheezing.)

That’s Natch The Way You Say It

| Robeline, LA, USA | Funny Names, Geography, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

Customer: “How do I get to ‘Natchy-toe-chess?'”

Me: “It’s pronounced ‘Nak-a-tesh,’ and it’s a straight shot from here.”

Customer: “Oh, wow. I was way off, wasn’t I?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about that ‘Provencial’ place I saw on a sign?”

Me: “It’s ‘Prahv-en-saw.'”

Customer: “Wow. Then I suppose the name of this town isn’t ‘Robe-line?'”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s ‘Ro-buh-lean.'”

Customer: “Next year I’m going on vacation in Texas. None of the places there have such weird names!”

His Hearing Is Run Of The Mill

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I get a chicken salad sandwich on wheat?”

Me: “Sure, big or small?”

Customer: “Wheat.”

Me: “Big or small?”

Customer: “WHEAT!”

Me: “Big or small—”

Customer: “WHEAT!”

Me: *quickly and loudly* “Size, what size, big or small—”

Customer: “WHEAT! Wait, what are you asking me?”

Me: “Big. Or. Small. Size?”

Customer: “Oh, just a smaller one. Sorry, I thought you were asking me wheat or white!”