When Life Demands Too Much, Go Scientology

| Naperville, IL, USA | Math & Science

(I work in a store where we blend toppings in with the ice cream. The prices for addition “mix-ins” are posted in giant numbers.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a small cake batter with Oreos, Heath Bar, M&Ms, fudge, and peanut butter sauce!”

Me: “Okay, coming up!”

(At the register.)

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $x.xx”

Customer: “What?! It says on your board that it is $3!”

Me: “Yes, but you got additional toppings, which increase the price.”

Customer: “Numbers aren’t real! Only scientologists believe in numbers! Why should I have to pay if I don’t believe in numbers?”

Two Points Make A Line, But Three People Don’t

| Helsingborg, Sweden | Uncategorized

(I’m at the front desk and there’s a line of three people. A middle-aged school teacher walks up to the counter.)

Patron: “I have a question.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in the line and wait your turn.”

Patron: *looks at the line* “Young man, I would hardly call that a line.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Patron: “Three people don’t make a line. You really should be more clear about your line policies.”

Me: “Line policies?”

Patron: “Three people isn’t enough to call it a line!”

Me: “You would have to ask the people standing in line about that.”

But President Osama Said

| Costa Rica | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “So, Obama Bin Laden was found dead in a house in Iraq, or something.”

Customer #2: “But, I heard it was Al Qaeda who was found dead.”

Customer #1: “Who told you that?”

Customer #2: “I don’t know. I heard it on Facebook, or something.”

Customer #1: “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet!”

Give Me An Ear Or I’ll Give You An Earful

| Northern California, USA | Bizarre

(A woman rushes into the store with her two sons. She’s very huffy and already looks impatient.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m looking for ears. Do you sell any? Like a grey ear?”

Me: “Um, do you mean like a costume ear?”

Customer: “No, no, no…an ear, like a grey model ear. You don’t have one of those? You’re probably going to tell me that I’m going to have to make it myself. Ugh, I always have to make things myself.”

Me: “Well, I don’t think we sell ears specifically. We do sell sculpting clay though. You could make it with sculpting clay, if that’s not too much troub–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t sell ears here! That’s one of the more basic items!”

This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(I am working at an elementary school for gifted children. We have a horseshoe shaped parking lot where parents picked up their kids. At the end of the day it’s my job to stand at the exit of the one way and direct people 10 feet to my right to the correct entrance. A woman coming to pick up her child tries to enter the wrong way. I step in front of her car. She steps on the gas and gets close enough to hit my bright orange flag that says “stop”.)

Woman: “What the h*** are you doing? I need to pick up my daughter! Why aren’t you letting me pick up my daughter?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a one way. You need to back out and go the correct way.”

Woman: “You’re kidnapping my daughter! I’m going to call the police! Let me in to see my daughter!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, we are not keeping you from your daughter. All you need to do is back up and drive a few feet to the entrance. You are trying to go the wrong way down a one way.”

Woman: “Well, how am I supposed to know which way is the right way?”

Me: “Ma’am, even if I weren’t here to tell you, there’s a sign right behind me that says ‘Do Not Enter’.”

Woman: “Well, I shouldn’t be expected to read street signs!”

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